Would you be happy with DP working away?

[susiesuelou]

If there was potential for him to earn at least twice his current monthly income?

Basically an opportunity has come up for DP to move to a different base within his company, but it would mean a pattern of 10 days working away in a different part of the country, and just 4 days home... and repeat.... for 3 months initially to see how it goes.

Currently he's home every evening and is very hands on with our young DC (20 months old). I think I'd be pretty burnt out juggling home life, our toddler, and my own job by myself for 20 days of the month, but we would be obviously in a far better financial position.

We have no family support, by the way. It would just be me effectively doing everything as a single mum for most of the month.

Is it worth it?? Would you go for it in my situation?

We don't desperately need the extra income, no. We manage fine. We aren't absolutely rolling in it, but we get by without struggling. DP wants us to save for a deposit for a house (we rent at the moment), so he's seeing this as a way to achieve that more quickly.

Yes, I have a career, one that I've worked very hard for. I'm quite senior in my role now and I'm well paid (I actually earn more than DP at the moment but if he took this opportunity he would massively out earn me). In terms of impact on my job.... I suppose the only issue I can predict is our toddler being unwell and it being solely my responsibility to leave work and care for her. At the moment we split any sickness and days off work with her.

There'll be a huge impact on the running of day to day life, though, and that worries me a lot. DP is very hands on and does a lot, e.g. food shops, housework, looking after toddler etc. I think this would be a huge shock to the system for me!

I also worry about his relationship with our DC. They are really close and I wouldn't want that to change.

No, I definitely wouldn’t. And I also wouldn’t like to be the parent who was away so much of my
kid’s childhood.

No, no, no. My dp and I struggle financially and I wouldn’t do it for all the money in the world. Especially not with young children. I understand it works for some families, but it absolutely ruined my parents and then my childhood. Besides, I like the company of dp. I think some things are worth more than money.

No, I wouldn’t. I love my DH, I want to spend more than 4 days a fortnight with him. And we currently have a very equal partnership which allows us both time to pursue our own interests, see our friends and also spend time together, and that would all have to change. There are more important things than money (if you’re currently doing ok on the income you have), and I would prioritise our quality of day to day life.

Done this for 17 years. The money is crap for what he does too.?

Sounds like you’ve got more to loose than you have to gain.

Could he not just look for a different job closer to home? A smaller salary increase but more sustainable and a better home life for you all.

No I wouldn’t. DH had that opportunity and we declined. We are comfortable so didn’t need the money and it was more important to us that he was here after work enjoying family time.

I wouldn’t. I just never signed up for an absent husband; and I think we are both responsible for parenting so it’s a nice opportunity but just not possible while you have young dc.
you (you as a family not you personally) would get used to the money and struggle to find work locally, don’t you think? For 3 months initially doesn’t mean they expect him to ditch the job after 3m, there’s no poin t taking it if that’s the plan. It doesn’t get easier when dc are older either- you’d be home with a baby and trying to run around after the older one on your own. We don’t go out until later on tues so atm one of us can take our oldest to piano, and when their basketball game is later dp comes home , one of us goes and the other one feeds the younger two. Dragging them out at dinner time is a nightmare.

Lots of partners work away for a variety of reasons, pilots, military, oil rig workers, contract jobs abroad.

My DH's work since early in our marriage has always taken him away, we had young DC, his earnings are reasonable and we have a comfortable life but it's the nature of his job that takes him away not than the money is too good to turn down.

We do however have a great life, we have time as a couple, a family, he has time with the DC and I also get a break. Ultimately I feel like we get more and better quality time together than those who work all week, too and tail their days then try to cram everything into a weekend and end up resentful, disgruntled and exhausted.

It's an opportunity, you can try see how it goes then review ...

For me it would be a no. Might effect your relationship and your kids relationship with him and why be married if he's not there. But if it works for you and you think the extra cash is worth it then go for it, I think only you can really say if it's right or not

No, i wouldnt. I and the kids need him around more.

Travis1 · Today 20:01
Yup. In a heartbeat and would be making plans to relocate if it worked out especially as you say you have no family support anyway. Do what’s best long term for your family. I’d probably get a cleaner in once or twice a week too from the extra income.
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I agree.

My late husband did work away for quite a long time, in a different part of the country, but not until later on, no youngster at home. It didn't bother me but he didn't like it :-). However it wasn't forever.

No I bloody well wouldn't.

Dh works away occasionally so a few nights every few months and that is more than enough.

Money isn't the be all and end all in my opinion. I enjoy being with dh, waking up together, spending the evenings together, cuddling up in bed. More money as a cleaner would not make up for that. Besides the dc like spending time with him too.

Out of interest what sort of salary are we talking about here?

Agree

I'd have jumped at it, but I was a SAHM and in a way it was easier to look after all the children on my own, and my ex husband was a bad father.

I have a number of friends with husbands who work away, and the one thing they find more difficult than managing the children (and you only have one, which is relatively easy) is that they get used to the husband not being there, and it takes some re-adjusting when he returns. By the time they have re-adjusted, he goes away again.

Partner works offshore on and off for 3 weeks at a time with a week home for the best part of 6 months. I have a DD who is 3 and I absolutely love it. I was a single m before though,I work 3 days and have college 2. But when he's home we fill our time with mini trips and family/date days out. Makes the time with him more special and the family things I'd struggle to afford alone we do together when he's home. We love it but it's hard and I tend to forget when he's home he's also been at work for the weeks prior so I end up relinquishing chores and looking after DD to him because I'm burnt out by that point. But he always spends a day with her when he's home and I get my nails done or do the gym or even just have a bath and iron in peace haha

I also worry about his relationship with our DC. They are really close and I wouldn't want that to change.

Unless I was hurting for money I wouldn't risk this. The most important things to DH are DD, then me and the dog! Having a present father is important.

No.

If we were just a couple, maybe. With a view to either us saving hard the extra cash and then him coming home for good or me relocating.
. But with a young baby not seeing Daddy for 10 days abd then possibly one day recovering, then tree days potentially when they're in nursery, the pressure of trying to make life "perfect" in those three days despite the disruption to your schedule and little one being overwhelmed.

You wouldn't be a single Mum, though, would you, so please don't insult people who actually are by comparing yourself to one!

Nope. We did it temporarily M-F for about 4 months whilst we waited for his transfer, have also needed to do it at other points of his career (military) and it's shit. It's not a proper family life, no amount of money would cause us to choose it. He hated it, as did we. There were no winners.

I would do it, because being financially comfortable just removes so much stress. But then I'm already used to not having DH around much. When my kids were little he worked 6-7 days a week in the Police doing shifts and overtime just to keep our heads above water financially. So I did do all the parenting of 3 kids under 4 alone for weeks at a time. I've probably repressed the memory of how hard it was now we're a decade past that time of our life.

If you've never done it before then no I wouldn't. DH spent the majority of our first few years together working away, sometimes up to two months at a time, so although he's got a job back home now I wouldn't worry if he was to go away again. When DD was 6 weeks old he was away for a month at a time with work. It's always worked for us though and it's how up until a year ago we've always done it. It's hard going but You just fall into your own routine etc. I couldn't imagine being in your shoes and starting now having never experienced it before though. If you aren't desperate for the money then no.

Nope not at all. It would be relocate or don’t do it. Or separate I guess then claim child maintenance haha

Absolutely, my DH works away and for us it works fine. He always has done though, since before DS was born. It takes away the monotony of married life and makes us appreciate the days we do have together a lot more. Also, the money affords us a very good lifestyle. I love my husband very much and I do miss him but the pros outweigh the cons!

His current take home pay is anywhere from 2,200-2,800, depending on overtime availability.

With the new job he has told me he could take home up to 5k a month with overtime.