To ask you to rethink telling your children they're being watched 24/7 by Santa's spies?

[Algor1thm]

If the elves come to your house just to mess around and have a laugh with no reporting back on behaviour to Santa, I'm not talking to you.

If you've got Elf CCTV cameras or are sending little notes from Santa with spying updates, I am.

It's just awful. Imagine if you genuinely believed your boss was spying on you 24/7 in your own home for a month every year and was going to deduct your pay if you behaved in an age-appropriate way.

Absolutely cannot abide this. My son came home scared today wondering did we have one the idea creeped him out. No definitely not here , it’s annoyed me so much that his after school have told him that they have a Santa cam and santas watching etc etc when I try so hard to not have any of that BS in his life. Same idea unrelated consequences, does my head in. When you threaten a child to get them to do something or conform with behaviour etc you are activating the threat response in their Brain ,they are obeying due to fear not due to RationL thought or anything you have “ taught “ them. When children respond in fear or under threat then the parts of their brain focused on learning and rationalising etc all shuts off. And we wonder why we have so many anxious children!

If someone going out of their way to do something fun and make their child happy makes you sad you possobly need a rethink. There are so many children out there in genuinely sad situations, save your sadness for them.

Wholeheartedly agree. It shows a total.lack of trust in your kids and it's not nice to feel like your normal behaviour isn't good enough. Kids have enough going on and enough pressure, let them be kids. I don't understand the expectation for them to be "good" all the time, it's unrealistic and it only teaches them to hide things from you, and to push down their feelings. Absolute hard no from me.
For all the "we were told we had to be good and we're fine" I see you, we are not all fine 😂theres stuff my mum still doesnt know about because it just made me a sneaky child and teenager.

That's not what the op is saying at all, they specifically said if the elf is visiting and doing fun things then it doesn't apply.

Well I am very sad that cannot see the excitement on my DS17's face as he awaits his arrival.

He has SLD and is the most well behaved young man but loves his elf and has been pointing to his hiding place (he is totally non verbal)for the past week, hoping that tomorrow would be the day he would arrive.

The elf is one of the very few things he will engage in with regards to Christmas, he asks for literally nothing else (no interest in toys, designer clothes, gadgets etc) despite DH and I being in the very fortunate position of being able to buy him whatever he wanted within reason, so judge and be as sad as you like.

As well as being totally non verbal, he cannot feed himself, dress, is doubly incontinent and will never live independently I would just love someone to look at my life life and tell me that I am a "lazy" parent.

Why do people look at everything with adult eyes and not with the innocence of kids

Could be worse, they could be told about an all seeing ever present God..

@theAntsareMyFriends because they have well rounded kids who they don't pamper to and who understand life isn't so black and white
I mean how many adults are traumatised because your mum said to you remember santa is watching
People wrap their kids in cotton wool these days
A quick lets not throw yours toys remember santa is watching is really not going to mean a kid needs therapy

@x2boys I know theres not actually someone in the north pole watching and recording
Its no where near the same as someone installing a secret camera
That said many people moaning prob do have a ring doorbell etc so are filming people all the time, the hypocrisy

I agree with you OP. I’ve never liked the elf on the shelf thing, can’t put my finger on why… it’s creepy? Not sure. Now I have my daughter I definitely won’t be using it to make her behave… I even feel weird telling her ‘Santa’ is coming.

@YellowTreeHouse and people like you can maybe teach your kids to not be judgemental of others as you are
How about people do theirs and mind what others do
How many of us are traumatised now because out parent said remember santa is watching etc
Not very many when done in conjunction with a loving home and maybe taught to have a little resiliance

@sittingonacornflake of course children are sometimes display naughty behaviour and push boundaries , no wonder teachers have such a hard time controlling classes etc now as full of kids whose parents let them do whatever and lazy parenting is never saying no or dealing with bad behaviour and just excusing it
Its not cute when a child is running around a restaurant whilst a parent ignores them

We have our resident real robin in the garden - he reports back to FC throughout the year. But he's in the garden so can only see through the windows and obviously doesn't come in the house.

No wonder the world is in the state it is
How many of us in sour 40/50's etc are traumatised because we were told not to do something as it was naughty or that santa is watching remember to be nice etc etc
Hardly any, how many teachers couldn't control a class when we were at school, hardly any
Coincidence ??

@ElmoNeedsThePotty exactly each parent knows their own child and what they enjoy or what works for them
The ones on here just think they are the only ones who know how to parent and their way is the only way.
Lets hope they don't teach their kids to be as judgemental as them

@CoffeeMama1 didn't make me sneaky and teenagers don't need to tell parents everything , as a teenager you are entitled to privacy as well
Good behaviour is not a bad quality in a kid, obviously they won't be perfect all the time, but people need to accept people parent differently and doesn't make you right and them wrong
A child having no boundaries or never being told no doesn't always set that child up well for life either

I clearly said I have no issue with the fun side of Elf on the Shelf. Do people just read the title and then comment? I presume you aren't using the elf to blackmail your 17yo son and control his behaviour? In which case what I've said literally doesn't apply to you.

@Bathtubbathing guarantee you have lied and will lie to your child so get over yourself

Well, I'm not quite in my 40s yet but.. loads, in my experience. Plus several who would regularly lose their shit and threaten to punch or thump or decapitate us. They were fucking deranged.

If there's any truth to the stereotype of millennials being oversensitive snowflakes, it's only because we were parented and taught by these loons.

@Algor1thm how about you do yours and mind your own
My kids are pretty much grown up and entirely fine ,

I think @healthadvice123 has been reliquinishing parental control to a fake figure and is feeling very defensive about it 😂

When I was a child, I was always convinced that I wouldn't get any presents and that I would just get a bag of coal. It was really stressful and I would go over all the 'bad' things I had done that year. I would tell my mum who would reassure me that I had been a good girl, and I would think 'but Santa knows things about me that you don't!' I loved Christmas but definitely spent a lot of time worrying.

My son is the same and kept asking me about the naughty list and how can I know for sure he is on it. I told him that Santa brings presents for everyone to celebrate Jesus' birthday and no child is left out because Jesus loves all the little children. We're Christian by the way!

While I think there should be a healthy sense of potential negative consequences motivating us (if I don't get up, I'll be late for work/If I eat all the ice cream, I'll be sick etc) I want my kids to do the right things because it's the right thing to do, and not because they're afraid of getting punished.

Other people can do as they please.

I did read all your post and yes we will be "blackmailing" him, so your post does apply to me.

"Blackmailing" my arse.

As I said upthread, he is such a good lad because we have raised him with fun, love and boundaries.

Using the Elf once a year is part of that so I will crack on with my "blackmailing".

Quite, I know none of us dislike our parenting decisions queried but there is such thing as overly defensive!