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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to not want my MIL to take my baby with her to church?

84 replies

ConfusedAdult2001 · 29/11/2022 23:45

I am not at all against going to church, believing in a particular religion or anything. But I also don't want my baby going to church with my MIL and SIL without me?

My DD is 5 months old today. My husband and I have plans to go out for a few hours on Saturday since it has been a long while. We asked MIL if she minded watching DD, to which she agreed, but did say she was going to take her to church with her (if she even goes).

My only real hesitation is me not wanting DD going somewhere without me being there? I'm fine with her being home with MIL and SIL, but going out without me or even Dad present is a little unsettling for me right now.

I think I'm just going to end up going with them if she decides she wants to go to church since DH and I have plans for around 1, so I should have the time to go to church and then come back home to change to go back out with DH.

Keep in mind, MIL and SIL do not drive, so they would have to wait for me or DH to come pick them up. I'm just not a fan of going to their church because there's a language barrier and I understand absolutely nothing the pastor says, and so I'm just sitting there with them, sometimes with DD, just listening to them speak, not knowing what to do, what's being said, where to look in the bible, when to stand, when to bow our heads, etc.

MIL will try to translate for me, but then I'm there for 5-6 hours listening to them preach in a language I don't understand and her trying to translate a few things for me here and there.

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedAdult2001 · 29/11/2022 23:46

ConfusedAdult2001 · 29/11/2022 23:45

I am not at all against going to church, believing in a particular religion or anything. But I also don't want my baby going to church with my MIL and SIL without me?

My DD is 5 months old today. My husband and I have plans to go out for a few hours on Saturday since it has been a long while. We asked MIL if she minded watching DD, to which she agreed, but did say she was going to take her to church with her (if she even goes).

My only real hesitation is me not wanting DD going somewhere without me being there? I'm fine with her being home with MIL and SIL, but going out without me or even Dad present is a little unsettling for me right now.

I think I'm just going to end up going with them if she decides she wants to go to church since DH and I have plans for around 1, so I should have the time to go to church and then come back home to change to go back out with DH.

Keep in mind, MIL and SIL do not drive, so they would have to wait for me or DH to come pick them up. I'm just not a fan of going to their church because there's a language barrier and I understand absolutely nothing the pastor says, and so I'm just sitting there with them, sometimes with DD, just listening to them speak, not knowing what to do, what's being said, where to look in the bible, when to stand, when to bow our heads, etc.

MIL will try to translate for me, but then I'm there for 5-6 hours listening to them preach in a language I don't understand and her trying to translate a few things for me here and there.

Just FYI, I'm most likely just going to go with them, but I also know MIL will ask me why I want to go when she knows I don't like going there, when she also already knows I would really only be going to be with my baby.

OP posts:
AttilaTheUOkHun · 29/11/2022 23:49

but going out without me or even Dad present is a little unsettling for me right now

Why? You need to work out where your anxiety is coming from first.

CowPie · 29/11/2022 23:51

I’m not sure what your question is. Surely even the most demented religious fanatic isn’t going to take a five month old baby to a 5/6 hour religious service?

GrumpyPanda · 29/11/2022 23:52

5 to 6 hours for a service?! What sort of congregation is that? Only service that length ive ever known of is Orthodox Easter night, and nobody stays for the whole thing.

With a five month old, this is batshit. Poor kid, and poor congregants.

Quitelikeit · 29/11/2022 23:53

I commend her for even daring to take a baby to church for 6 hours

yabu

Slimjimtobe · 29/11/2022 23:53

Is this to do with church or generally taking your child out ?

Americano75 · 29/11/2022 23:57

5-6 HOURS? That can't be right, surely? I mean, I'm Catholic and even we tend to call a halt after an hour max.

shasha21 · 30/11/2022 00:01

I think YABU.

TidyDancer · 30/11/2022 00:05

I can't work out why you're concerned about this, can you clarify what specifically the issue is?

Conkersareback · 30/11/2022 00:07

So if they were taking her to the shops with them, is that different?

ZiggyAndChanelle · 30/11/2022 00:07

I can’t see why that would bother you, if the idea of church as a concept doesn’t bother you. Unless this is a congregation of bisons

TimeToFlyNow · 30/11/2022 00:11

5-6 hours? I doubt it. Can't see why there's a problem with mil and sil taking baby out though?

Congregation bison 🤣🤣

MintJulia · 30/11/2022 00:15

Americano75 · 29/11/2022 23:57

5-6 HOURS? That can't be right, surely? I mean, I'm Catholic and even we tend to call a halt after an hour max.

Taking a 5 month old anywhere unfamiliar, without their mum, for FIVE to SIX HOURS is insane.

No way would I allow that. Find someone else to look after your little one, or keep her with you.

Americano75 · 30/11/2022 00:17

MintJulia · 30/11/2022 00:15

Taking a 5 month old anywhere unfamiliar, without their mum, for FIVE to SIX HOURS is insane.

No way would I allow that. Find someone else to look after your little one, or keep her with you.

Show quote history

I agree with you, I'm just querying the length of the church service.

HeddaGarbled · 30/11/2022 00:20

She’s doing you a favour. It’s unreasonable to confine her to the house.

Aquamarine1029 · 30/11/2022 00:28

Five to six HOURS? Even the Catholics don't bang on for that long. Taking a baby so young to services for that long is ridiculous.

curiousierandcouriser · 30/11/2022 00:28

I'm also a bit confused about what your worry is.

If they are looking after your baby, are you saying they must stay in the house? They can't go for a walk or to the mall? Honestly, if someone was doing me a favour babysitting, I wouldn't much care what they were doing (as long as they were keeping the baby safe and well cared for).

Conkersareback · 30/11/2022 00:31

@MintJulia OP has asked them to look after the baby, they're not kidnapping it!

So if you ask someone and they say yes, it we're going out, you'll refuse because your baby can't go out without its mum?

But it's ok to stay indoors in someone else's house without it's mum?

How does that work?

Heavyraindropsarefallingonmyhead · 30/11/2022 00:33

I think it's unfair to expect someone to babysit and then also expect them to not leave the house. Either you trust them to babysit or you don't.

On the other hand planning to take a 5 month old baby to a church service for 5-6 hours is madness.

ReindeerHugs · 30/11/2022 00:33

Just tell MIL that you don’t want baby to be noisy and disrupt the church service for her, so you’ll drop baby off at her house when she gets home from church, and then go out with your DH after this.

Conkersareback · 30/11/2022 00:36

ReindeerHugs · 30/11/2022 00:33

Just tell MIL that you don’t want baby to be noisy and disrupt the church service for her, so you’ll drop baby off at her house when she gets home from church, and then go out with your DH after this.

Does that fit with OPs plans? I think the time she wants DM to look after the baby is when the DM is at church.

The DM is not faking to have the baby, merely saying I'll have them, but I'll be going to church and I'm happy to take them.

MintJulia · 30/11/2022 00:39

Conkersareback · 30/11/2022 00:31

@MintJulia OP has asked them to look after the baby, they're not kidnapping it!

So if you ask someone and they say yes, it we're going out, you'll refuse because your baby can't go out without its mum?

But it's ok to stay indoors in someone else's house without it's mum?

How does that work?

It's not going out that's an issue. Walking into town or dropping in on a friend would be no problem, they are flexible baby-friendly things to do, no problem with noise, access to facilities as needed and easy to get home from if baby needs a nap.

But a 5 hour church service with no independent way to get home if baby decides to cry, and where quiet is expected is not baby friendly.

Conkersareback · 30/11/2022 00:44

@MintJulia you said anywhere in your post? That's what I was basing my answer o! 🙄

whumpthereitis · 30/11/2022 01:04

Sounds like Orthodoxy. There’s a Divine Liturgy on the 3rd (for the Russians, anyway) and those can last…a while.

Original poster
ConfusedAdult2001 · 30/11/2022 01:41

I'll clarify a few things:

  1. only myself and DH drive, so if they want to go anywhere, one of us has to drive them there and back

  2. I'm just not the type to want to leave her in a setting she's only been to ONCE, with people who either can't comfort her or will just allow her to cry until she's tired enough to take her pacifier (which can go on until she's red in the face with literal tears and shaking and out of breath)(SIL doesn't know how to comfort her at all, MIL can but is sometimes unsuccessful in doing so)

  3. MIL doesn't go anywhere because she always needs a ride from me or DH since she doesn't drive

  4. MIL also has a tendency to get excited about being grandma and essentially showcases DD, allowing ppl DD doesn't know to touch her or get in her face

  5. I did miscalculate time, 3-4hours (usually from 10am-2pm), I think I only added the extra 2 because they tend to be there longer conversing with others

  6. MIL and SIL live with us

  7. DH and I will be home until about 1:30pm, so if they leave early, we can get them and bring them home, but if MIL doesn't wish to leave early, I wouldn't leave DD with them for someone else we don't know to transport them all home

OP posts:
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