Am I being unreasonable to not want my MIL to take my baby with her to church?

[ConfusedAdult2001]

I am not at all against going to church, believing in a particular religion or anything. But I also don't want my baby going to church with my MIL and SIL without me?

My DD is 5 months old today. My husband and I have plans to go out for a few hours on Saturday since it has been a long while. We asked MIL if she minded watching DD, to which she agreed, but did say she was going to take her to church with her (if she even goes).

My only real hesitation is me not wanting DD going somewhere without me being there? I'm fine with her being home with MIL and SIL, but going out without me or even Dad present is a little unsettling for me right now.

I think I'm just going to end up going with them if she decides she wants to go to church since DH and I have plans for around 1, so I should have the time to go to church and then come back home to change to go back out with DH.

Keep in mind, MIL and SIL do not drive, so they would have to wait for me or DH to come pick them up. I'm just not a fan of going to their church because there's a language barrier and I understand absolutely nothing the pastor says, and so I'm just sitting there with them, sometimes with DD, just listening to them speak, not knowing what to do, what's being said, where to look in the bible, when to stand, when to bow our heads, etc.

MIL will try to translate for me, but then I'm there for 5-6 hours listening to them preach in a language I don't understand and her trying to translate a few things for me here and there.

Just stick to your plan and go when she gets back from church. Why would you even consider going?

I wouldn't leave my baby with someone who just leaves them to cry though

My feeling is that if MIL taking your baby to church is her terms of being available to babysit, then she has stated her terms. Either you accept them or find another sitter. However, that is a crazy long service and I can't imagine MIL or baby will find that fun at all. If I was minding a baby in church for that long, I'd just stay home.

Your title is misleading. Actually is it AIBU to allow my mil to take my baby somewhere for 4 hours when I know she will not be able to comfort her and will let her cry herself to exhaustion and will show case her to lots of strangers . Answer is no YANU so you need to change your plans or find another baby sitter. From what you've said are you happy with her even baby sitting at home for more than a short while.

Mixed up my aibu and nybu there but hopefully it is readable !

Exactly

The length of service sounds insane though. What the f are they up to?

You are getting free childcare. Taking her to a church is hardly the same as leaving her alone in the middle of a park.

And good to them if it's that long a service. What the heck religion is it? Sounds bonkers. A 5-month old will not stay quiet for that long.

If you don't want that to happen, then you change your plans and parent your child.

From what I remember of the Orthodox services I've been to they are not a 'sit still and be quiet' type of service. People remain standing (unless old or unwell), move around, greet friends, and not everyone is there for the whole service so there is coming and going. Most of it is singing, chanting and prayers, not a sit and listen type of service. Given a certain level of noise and bustle children aren't frowned at for moving around and speaking to family/friends. A parent (or grandparent) having to soothe a baby wouldn't raise an eyebrow.

If MIL and SIL live with you they are presumably familiar people to your baby.

But the church aspect is irrelevant. If MIL/SIL don't care for your baby the way you would want, don't use them for childcare. Staying at home won't make them more responsive. If they are responsive then they'll be responsive at church.

me not wanting DD going somewhere without me being there? I'm fine with her being home with MIL and SIL, but going out without me or even Dad present is a little unsettling for me right now.

This is what you need to work out. It’s nothing to do with church going, but this anxiety about your MiL taking your child “out” without you.

Do you trust your MiL? After all, she bore and raised your DH - so what is the problem?

That’s what you need to work out.

You might find that a bit of time just with your DH and you, and no baby, will be a bit of a break. If you’re so anxious, you might need a break.

@sashh and @Ladyintangerine thank you, I had literally no idea. Where I'm from religious diversity is much narrower!

It is quite a long time to be in a presumably very busy indoor space, covid apart there are a lot of nasty viruses going about.

YABVVU

I'm just not the type to want to leave her in a setting she's only been to ONCE, with people who either can't comfort her or will just allow her to cry until she's tired enough to take her pacifier (which can go on until she's red in the face with literal tears and shaking and out of breath)(SIL doesn't know how to comfort her at all, MIL can but is sometimes unsuccessful in doing so)

I don't understand why it's OK to leave your child with someone who won't comfort her or will leave her to cry, but not OK to leave her with the same person at church?

She will be in church with mil.
She lives with mil.
How can you not know the language if you live with mil?

If you trust her enough to live in your home and babysit, then you should be okay with her taking the baby to church. Boozy pub perhaps not, but church is fine. We're RC and Father would be linched if he tried to drag the service on for that long. The church committee are already starting to stretch and check watches after Offertory. Is there a social after the service, tea and cakes, that sort of thing?

Your MIL is mad for considering bringing a baby to a sermon that lasts 4 bloody hours! Why don’t you just go out with your DH after church?

This really. Either your DD is happy being left with your MIL or she isn't, and if she isn't then it doesn't matter where she is!

The obvious solution here is to stay home and mind your own child.

I'm wondering if they may be conservative evangelical Christians if some denomination or other... Even then 5-6 hours seems long!

Growing up I went to a Plymouth Brethren chapel (I am very much an atheist as an adult!) There would be a morning service (with a creche for younger kids) followed by Sunday school for kids and guided Bible reading for adults. Which could easily fill a few hours in the morning. This time of year there may be extra Christmas/ advent services (usually with food... I recall quiche being super prevalent) and then an evening service and carols. Though most people would not do all of that! I'm wondering if that may account for the suggested time?

Could well be! I'm laughing to myself because everyone at ours gives the choir evils because

a) they're shite.
b) they add on too much time.

@Americano75 lol! Very much my recollection!

I assume this is your first child OP? You are being overly precious. Let MIL take the child. She'll either have a great time showing the baby off to her friends, or she won't. No one will be permanently damaged by the experience.

I wouldn’t allow them to take the baby to church because the baby will have a shit time.

If they aren’t willing to watch baby in your home, suggest you go out at a different time

In my experience, harvesting your will to live as you stand there being side-eyed by your grandmother who is on guard to foil any escape attempts. There are readings, singing, confession and communion.

and no, there’s no seating in Russian orthodox churches, not in the Russian ones anyway. Maybe there is in the UK churches.

So it doesn’t matter if the baby has a shit time for 5-6 hours and gets zero sleep/exercise? As long as MIL can do her usual routine and carry the baby wherever she wants like an accessory?

How dare you call the OP ‘precious’ for caring about her child’s feelings.

British children have some of the worst mental health in the world and the type of callous, selfish, and incompetent parenting you’re advocating is precisely why.

Then you just say 'i think it's better for DD to be home, so I'll watch her to you are back'. Easy!

No, we're saying that if the care on offer is unsuitable (for whatever reason) then the OP needs to care for her baby herself. Not expect her MIL to change her routine in order to provide the care the OP wants.