WIBU to take DD's advent calendar away to teach her to say thank you

[ItsNotReallyChaos]

My DD (5) is articulate and has full understanding of basic manners but she's driving me mad at the moment because she won't reply 'hello' if someone says hello to her, won't say 'bye' as we leave somewhere.

I've just given her her advent calendar and she didn't say thank you.

She's not a spoilt child in terms of material stuff. I only really buy presents for birthday/Christmas, with the occasional book bought in between times but she just never seems grateful to receive things. You'd think she received stuff on a daily basis if you saw her not-bothered response to being given something nice.

I feel like I've failed her as by now, hello, goodbye and thank you should be automatic.

Any advice?

And would it be totally unreasonable to take the Advent calendar away to try to teach her the hard way to say thank you!

She's five.

She's gn to make mistakes, as I'm sure you do. Please don't punish her, she needs your help and support and most of all, kindness. Not usgement and drastic punishment.

You are bigger and stronger and should be wiser than her. Show some grace.

*Judgement

I think it is a concept children don't always get.

Did she ask for an advent calendar? Did she want one?

If she hasn't asked and didn't want one why should she say thank you? Thank you is what you say when someone gives you something nice or does something for you.

This is child logic, the saying thank you when you don't mean it or to make the other person feel good is an adult thing.

The same with hello and goodbye, why do you need to say hello when the other person can see you have arrived and the same when you are going, the person knows you are going.

I love that you asked for specifics 😄

OP goodness the poor little mite, she's only 5, mine used to be like that - it's because they were too shy until they got a bit older to address people. Who really cares that a 5 yr old has said hello and goodbye anyway? It's not bad manners not too, it's age related.

And denying her her advent calender is just a horrible over reaction OP. Maybe she just forgot to say thanks. Just remind her every time. My husband didn't say thanks for his cereal this morning, I didn't withdraw the cereal, I just reminded him to say thanks! And he's an adult not a 5 yr old.

I can't imagine what would happen to her if she actually did something naughty if there's this much drama over such little things already.

So you're sure she does in school every single time,every single day? Doubt it 😂

I think that's a big overreaction.

Have you asked her why she won't say these things?

You've just reminded me I must have said it 1000 x to my dd because she started saying "WHAT DO YOU SAY...?" to strangers out and about 😂

How are her manners with others OP?

I live my life saying please, thank you etc etc almost every sentence I say to the kids will have a please or thank you in it. Other parents have notes my children's manners after parties, HOWEVER in the house with me or grandparents they will often slip and forget to say please or thank you.

Every time (and I mean every single time) I remind them.....they just turned 6 and I will continue to do this.

They are still young and it's about drumming the expectation into them.

If they ask for something "what word was missing", if I hand them something "excuse me" or "did you mean to say something".

I figure these things eventually become second nature.

I wouldn’t worry or be prompting too much right now. My youngest was exactly the same and it’s shyness/social anxiety. He’s growing out of it. If she won’t say hello will she wave? Just model the behaviours you want to see to her. Don’t punish her for her personality.