Tell me your CF triumphs please

[Sickofcoughing]

In real life I know I am regarded as calm and assertive. In lots of way I am definitely able to speak up for myself.

However CFs get right under my skin. I am a fairly generous person, I like to treat people and it leaves me feeling good. 99% of the time any financial deficit is negligible in friendships, I certainly never notice it.

Except of course for the one I started the thread about. This friendship spans decades. She is a shameless CF. I genuinely think I love but heavily dislike her. It's exhausting being around her because I always have to be on guard for being scammed into paying for something.

I continue to do nothing about it except carry all the resentment by quietly seething. Pathetic yes, I know.

Inspired by this thread www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4687359-lift-for-5-years-aibu?utm_source=thread&utm_medium=share can you please share with me your victory stories of how you finally called out the CFs in your lives and came away feeling good about it?

And here’s the best bit…he claimed the meal back on expenses!!!

A friend of mine dated a guy who let slip after the 6th or 7th date that he claimed their meals on expenses. They took turns each to pay, but he never actually paid.

Shes fairly sure on a couple of occasions he lifted the bill after she’d paid and claimed that as well.

there were no more dates.

Outing but I’m past caring

for context I used to be a skint single mum and a people pleaser-not anymore thanks to mumsnet but this is just before I found the site

anyway,I got talking to a mum at work who was struggling for childcare-hubby was one of those that didn’t want to dirty his hands with his own kids

i offered to do one Monday for her-one child out of 4 and I’d drop him at home
all good

only cf spoke to our boss and told him I wasn’t available Mondays and Tuesdays-forever as I was doing her childcare-unpaid-and as I wasn’t doing Monday/Tuesday shifts,I wasn’t getting paid from work either

mug that I am,thought I was doing her a favour as I’d been there,struggling to find childcare for my own kids when they where small

not only was I running around after the little one,feeding him out of my own pocket,but he was a whirlwind-he’d break at least one thing everytime if I turned my back-she just laughed it off and wouldn’t pay for the damage,I found myself picking up one of her others (a 2 mile walk away) and talking him home and waiting for the other two-cook the kids dinner and go home again

never got a thank you,bottle of wine,chocolates-nothing-her husband once ran me home and tried to charge me petrol though

it all came to a head when it was my birthday-a big one-we where going to my in-laws so I told her I couldn’t have them-I’d be 200 miles away

she hit the roof-and demanded I take the two smaller ones with me-just what my elderly in-laws needed-two kids,both under 5,they’ve never met in their home and at my expense-but her neighbour would have the elder ones as a ‘favour’ but only for that week

i don’t think so

i told her the arrangement was off and went off to my in laws place

the shit show when I got back was unreal-she’d slagged me off to everyone and my boss tried to drag me into a meeting to give me a warning-I laughed at him and told him to stick his warning-then he promoted her to manager to spite me

anyway,I started to look for another job as I’d had enough

she was there one afternoon-I walked past her to leave and she just didn’t come back her next shift

turns out her husband had not only been cheating on her,but he had another girlfriend and kids in the next town!he’d been leading a double life for at least 5 years

she left him,quit her job,took her name off the house deeds,leaving him with the mortgage and moved away-I’ve not seen her since

but I was the one in the wrong and was never allowed to forget it

never again-ill do a favour for anyone but I won’t have the piss taken out of me again

Prestigious university drinks reception, a small group of academics were going up to get drinks. They were sneaking a bottle into their rucksacks when the waiter's back was turned! I was😱particularly as one of them winked at me when he caught me watching him!

I do a hobby one evening a week.
All my friends and family know its my evening off...

A newish friend sent a text saying she had enrolled her daughter into a club near where my hobby was...could I take and collect her,but I would have to be late for my appointment and also leave it early to accommodate her daughters timings.

My one word reply was NO.

My sister got married the day after my sons birthday.
A year later she walks into my house and says dont make plans for the weekend,I have booked the weekend away for out first anniverysary and can the kids stay with you.
I said sorry but we had already made plans for my sons birthday.
She wasn't happy but said well at least you will know for next year.
I told her my sons birthday doesnt change for her wedding anniversary.

A neighbour from around the corner had a child a few months younger than my son.We had always invited the kids to each others birthday parties...take a present and a card as you do.
She popped round and said I havent invited your DS this time as it will be an afternoon mid week party (my son had just started reception)
...but do pop round tomorrow after 1pm with the card and present and watch child blow his candles out.
So she thought I bought cards and gifts for kids parties that my child wasnt invited to lol.
I didnt go.

A school mum asked if I could take her son to footie practice as she had changed jobs.So all was arranged that he would come home with us after school one day a week .
On the way home we always stopped for chips and always bought the boy some.
In the chippy one evening boy asks can he have large fish and chips....I hadnt heard him but my husband ordered it.
On way home he says could we drop him at his grans.
My husband mentioned the fish and chips later that night....I said but the boy doesnt like fish....so I guess we were feeding his gran too.
Same mum started asking for more favours.The only time she offered to take my kid anywhere she asked for a £5 to cover costs.

The favours stopped after that.

I've stepped away from being my NDN's chauffeur. The dad got terminally ill. He was the family driver.
I did the "let me know if there's anything I can do" polite thing and suddenly found myself declared a free personal chauffeur after he passed. The adult kids started out polite enough in their requests but it ended up with me being informed "hi! I'm gonna need you to take me to [next town] this afternoon. It'll probably be easier for you to wait cos it's only a short appointment instead of you coming all the way back to pick me up" It wasn't even something important. It would be a hair, nail or tanning bed appointment.

If it was pouring down with rain I was expected to get off my comfortable arse, leave my cup of tea, get my shoes on and get soaked going to the car, driving them to the corner shop, waiting and driving them back, just so they didn't have to get drenched by walking. Well I didn't want to get even a bit wet! And I didn't need the shop!

DH got mad at me for agreeing but it was super awkward, especially when I didn't have a proper reason to say no other than I simply didn't want to. We got a new car and DH and I decided on a whole bunch of pre-thought of excuses for various situations because NDNs are the type to be all grudgy and bitch about us. I know. I didn't stand up to a CFer but as pointed out here already, CFers rely on the fact that others take their side because either they're not being taken advantage of themselves so don't see it or are under a CFers thumb. (Or have a fence post firmly up their backside whilst keeping boats very still)

Now I just lie my arse off to keep the peace a bit.

I forgot this one, my cf neighbour asked if her son could open my dc birthday presents during their party. The poor lamb was feeling left out because his birthday wasn't for another 4 months. Some parents are breeding entitled monsters because these brats are going to cause society huge problems in 10 yrs.

DH got mad at me for agreeing but it was super awkward, especially when I didn't have a proper reason to say no other than I simply didn't want to.
"I don't want to" is a perfectly valid reason.

Now I just lie my arse off to keep the peace a bit.
You don't need to lie. See above!
As for your neighbour cheeky fuckers - "I don't want to because I'm not your unpaid chauffeur & you have taken the piss long enough" would do ...

Wtaf. What did you say? That's astounding!

CFers for me tend to have been employers. I worked for a church school a few years ago. They paid me a pittance for a few hours work, but then started to up the latter and got upset when I asked for overtime for a near doubling of hours. Eventually, the Chair of Governors rang me up and tried to sell me the idea of working unpaid as "my donation as a Christian to the school".

"Er, I'm not a Christian and I never have been" came my reply. "I'd never have employed you if I had known that", they responded.

Suffice to say it did not end well for them.

Omg @KettrickenSmiled, this is absolutely hilarious!!

I am not sure why you need to call her out and walk away triumphant OP? Just cut ther connection, block her on social media, block her number on your phone and ignore her in real life.

One of my oldest friends is a proper CF magnet.Last year she invited a couple she doesn't like but feels sorry for to her husband's birthday party.
They turned up with their daughter,her partner and their three grandchildren;her husband can't stand them and it ruined his day.
She moved house three years ago and it took less than six months for her to become a dog sitter/agony aunt for half the estate.

LOL, had one neighbor who lived beneath me complain to the landlady that I: (1) walked around too late at night, (2) washed my dishes too late at night, and (3) sat down on my toilet too hard. The manager contacted me, laughing, and said, "Well, I told her that was the reason that you pay rent...to have a place to live where you can do those things." I told the landlady that if my normal living noises (and I did NOT go in and out of my bedroom all night long) really bothered her, I'd be happy to exchange apartments with her. That put paid to that. OH, and I use a walker, and she tried to pay two of my neighbors, who helped me bring my food shopping up the stairs, not to help me anymore. THEY reported her to the office, and at that point, she was told that one more instance of her harassing me would see her evicted.

I eventually moved into a downstairs rental unit. She, poor thing, died two years ago, the day after Christmas, quite alone except for her very sweet little dog. She was only found quickly because the dog was howling and crying. I hope it found a good home. I never wished her ill, in fact, I'd have been quite happy had she won a lottery and lived a life of ease somewhere far, far away.

I had a boyfriend, when I was early 20's, who would always make an excuse to go and get something else he'd forgotten / go to the loo / go missing at the checkout when we went shopping, so that I'd end up paying for the whole lot. He'd always promise to pay me back, or pay next time, and would either then go and get just bread and milk, or 'forget'. It became almost like a game, where I'd try to guess the moment he was about to disappear, and go first leaving him with the trolley, but he was just too slick.
Eventually I got to the stage of just taking everything he liked out of the trolley and putting it back, and only buying stuff I knew he didn't like.
Relationship didn't last long after that.

Even though I know what CF means I still say ‘cunt fucker’ in my head when reading!! 🤣

@Cheeseandlobster I was a bit stunned by the request and said she'd open the gifts at home. We had the party at a community centre. I thought that was the end of it except the cf actually brought her kid round a few hours later. I was put on the spot and let him open one gift although he didn't take it home with him. I'm still kicking myself for that.

Same neighbour also lent £700 from another neighbour for her horse's vet bills & still hasn't paid her back fully. She also knocked on my door and tried to borrow £1k for vet bills for her dogs. That was a firm no from me that time. We're all wise to her scams, she's kitted out very nicely at someone else's expense.

Borrowed not lent

Wow! Imagine what an entitled adult dc she is going to end up with

Absolutely shameless is what my granny would have called her plus a few more choice words!

I’ve moved on from CFs. Once I know, I can’t get past it. If I feel someone is out to take advantage of me, I behave really defensively and am constantly on my guard. I just don’t want to be like that … so I let go with love.

I’m confused by the term CF. I don’t know what it stands for. By the post and replies, I get the gist of it. Would someone please enlighten me?

I had a friend like yours. She is no longer my friend. She always expected me to pay every time we went somewhere. She even once called and suggested we all go out for pizza. There were three of us. At the end of the meal, she didn’t have any money with her. The third person I knew had no money. I assumed the person doing the inviting would pay for her share or we would split it. Nope. I paid for all of it.

The last straw was when I loaned her $400 to move. She had an abusive husband. She really needed to get away from him. She actually told that 3rd person that was at the pizza lunch that I was rich and didn’t need it, so she wasn’t going to pay me back. I am definitely not what one would consider rich. I do have a better income than her, so I guess she decided that made me rich. I sent her a letter giving her 3 options. 1. Pay in full within 30 days, 2. Make payments of $50/month until it was paid off. 3. I would file in small claims court and get a judgment for the $400, plus filing fees, interest, and costs of recovering the judgment. She chose option 2. I eventually got the money back and that was the end of our friendship.

I don’t let people like that in my life anymore. They are not only a drain financially, but energetically as well. I try to hang out with people that are actually wanting to be around me for my company, not looking for someone to pay their way.

Me too - cunt fuck 🤭🤣