Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

today I witnessed child abuse but don't know the family - how to report?

121 replies

WoolyMammoth55 · 27/11/2022 22:07

Is there anyone in child safeguarding etc or SS who can advise what to do?

Nutshell: at a kids party today I witnessed parents 'discipline' their unruly child in a very abusive manner - adult father trying to restrain child (no older than 7) and ended up literally kneeling on him for several minutes. Child was very upset, in pain, and sobbing for him to get off.

Mother was present and witnessed, was apologising for child's behaviour but not batting an eye at what the father was doing.

I'm ashamed that in the moment I froze - was wrangling my own kids and the situation escalated suddenly, I couldn't believe what was happening on some level and did nothing to help the child.

I can't get it out of my mind and feel distraught that I didn't intervene at the time. Genuinely sick at the thought of what's going on behind closed doors if that can happen in public at a birthday party. Definitely feel I must report.

However, I don't know this child or the family at all. Can't think of any reason to ask the party host for their info - if I did it would surely identify me once there was a report. Honestly I am a little bit scared of the violent father, if he knew I'd reported and could find out where we live...

Does anyone have any suggestions how I could help this child?

OP posts:
FatEaredFuck · 27/11/2022 22:07

I'd phone 101

WhatKatieDid2 · 27/11/2022 22:09

Can you let the police know what you witnessed and where and they can go to the party host and find out?

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 27/11/2022 22:10

Were you at a community centre or soft play? Maybe they have CCTV? Report to the police

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 27/11/2022 22:12

What a pair of abusive bastards. Are there pictures of the party on social media? If they’re tagged that may be a starting point. If not, as PP said contact the police and give them the hosts details.

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 27/11/2022 22:12

Do you know the child’s first name? Even a rough idea as to the school he goes to?

EmmaDilemma5 · 27/11/2022 22:14

I'm not defending the actions of the parents at all, but is it possible there's more to the situation than you'd know?

I mean, if they were trying to restrain the child, as opposed to hit or punish them, is it possible they could be using it as a method to calm them down or prevent them harming themselves? I know some with ASD do well with pressure when having a meltdown, is it possible this could have been the case?

Although, obviously, if it wasn't like that, and it was being used to hurt or control the child against their best interests then I agree you should report it.

I would let police know the time and location you witnessed it. They can then contact the venue and ask for CCTV and attendance records.

BlazingFlames · 27/11/2022 22:14

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/reporting-abuse/report/

Please, please report this

MabelMoo23 · 27/11/2022 22:15

I’m a safeguarding school governor.
please even just call 101. A parent who has no problem doing this in public, who knows what they are like in private.

Original poster
WoolyMammoth55 · 27/11/2022 22:15

@Namechangedforthisonetoday yes I caught child's first name but it's not a school friend, I think perhaps a family friend.

I have googled reporting DV and think 101 is the way to go - there were lots of witnesses, CCTV unlikely but possible...

Thanks all for responding - calm heads on MN. x

OP posts:
Namechangedforthisonetoday · 27/11/2022 22:16

if they’re a family friend they may be on the party hosts social media. It definitely worth having a look.

user764329056 · 27/11/2022 22:21

Please act on this

Lockheart · 27/11/2022 22:23

EmmaDilemma5 · 27/11/2022 22:14

I'm not defending the actions of the parents at all, but is it possible there's more to the situation than you'd know?

I mean, if they were trying to restrain the child, as opposed to hit or punish them, is it possible they could be using it as a method to calm them down or prevent them harming themselves? I know some with ASD do well with pressure when having a meltdown, is it possible this could have been the case?

Although, obviously, if it wasn't like that, and it was being used to hurt or control the child against their best interests then I agree you should report it.

I would let police know the time and location you witnessed it. They can then contact the venue and ask for CCTV and attendance records.

This.

I'd still report, but I think there are two possibilities here - either parents genuinely struggling with their child or parents who are intentionally abusive. Regardless, intervention is needed.

bigfamilygrowingupfast · 27/11/2022 22:35

Hmmm obviously you were there so will be able to better judge to context but, as PP said, I too know a lot of parents of children with ASD who physically restrain their children and if you didn't know them you'd think they were badly abusing their children, but they're actually protecting their child from seriously hurting themselves.

Jamesandthegiantpeach74 · 27/11/2022 22:41

'Their unruly child' can you elaborate? What was child doing?

There are many parents that have additonal needs children. Im not saying its right or wrong but can you elabroate

Honeyandlemonnn · 27/11/2022 22:44

was it really that bad if you didn't immediately intervene

Itisbetter · 27/11/2022 22:44

Restraint doesn’t hurt and I know LOTS of autistic children and have never seen a parent hurt their child.

AliceMcK · 27/11/2022 22:46

*I'm not defending the actions of the parents at all, but is it possible there's more to the situation than you'd know?

I mean, if they were trying to restrain the child, as opposed to hit or punish them, is it possible they could be using it as a method to calm them down or prevent them harming themselves? I know some with ASD do well with pressure when having a meltdown, is it possible this could have been the case?*

This

if you don’t know them you don’t know the situation. I remember witnessing something similar, actually in school, I later found out the child had several issues and his dad was simply doing what needed to be done to stop the child hurting himself and others.

Before reporting I’d probably ask the birthday mum about them. Or I suppose you could let the police do that.

Endwalker · 27/11/2022 22:47

If the child has an additional need and restraining them is part of their particular profile of needs then that would be determined by intervention services, that's not for OP to decide and saying "well there might have been reasons..." is part of the reason why so much child abuse goes unreported.

Report it, OP. If there is a rational explanation for what you witnessed then it'll go no further, if there isn't then you'll have helped a child/family potentially in need of intervention.

One of the first rules of safeguarding is that you don't try to determine it for yourself, you act on it and you report it to the people who have the skills and resources to do so.

allboysherebutme · 27/11/2022 22:47

Maybe have a look for the host on FB ,if you're not on there or friends with them already and you will probably come across the parents on there, in their friends list, then report to 101 with names. X

Original poster
WoolyMammoth55 · 27/11/2022 22:50

@Endwalker yes thanks, that's what I feel. If parents need more support in handling the child - or if they were perhaps even doing nothing wrong - then the experts can determine that. From what I saw it looked abusive so I'm going to report, thanks all.

OP posts:
Goawayangryman · 27/11/2022 22:57

You can report suspected abuse via the NSPCC. I did this once after witnessing abuse on a flight back home from the EU. They will take details.

abblie · 27/11/2022 23:05

EmmaDilemma5 · 27/11/2022 22:14

I'm not defending the actions of the parents at all, but is it possible there's more to the situation than you'd know?

I mean, if they were trying to restrain the child, as opposed to hit or punish them, is it possible they could be using it as a method to calm them down or prevent them harming themselves? I know some with ASD do well with pressure when having a meltdown, is it possible this could have been the case?

Although, obviously, if it wasn't like that, and it was being used to hurt or control the child against their best interests then I agree you should report it.

I would let police know the time and location you witnessed it. They can then contact the venue and ask for CCTV and attendance records.

I was thinking the same

abblie · 27/11/2022 23:09

Why did you not go over and say to parents 'hi is everything OK, is there anything I can help you with'? .... give them an opportunity to explain what they are doing and why instead of coming on to mumsnet hours later and asking for advice on whether or not to report child abuse. Like someone posted it could be an everyday behavioural issue and an extremely stressed family

RudolphTheGreat · 27/11/2022 23:14

You don't restrain a child by kneeling on them ffs.

Good luck OP. I tried to report concerns to the nspcc when I heard a child hysterically screaming outside in a garden at 11pm one night then being screamed at by their parent. Because I didn't know the exact house number, names or the school they attend I was told they couldn't do anything, despite being able to give them the street name (a very small cul de sac!).

HerculesMulligan · 27/11/2022 23:18

There are some astonishing attempts to explain this away when the OP has been clear that she (the eyewitness) felt sure it was abusive. I have an autistic child and sometimes firm pressure is helpful to him when he's having a tough time but this father KNELT on a child who was sobbing in pain. I sit my child sideways on my lap and hold him in a bear hug. The contrast is enormous.