today I witnessed child abuse but don't know the family - how to report?

[WoolyMammoth55]

Is there anyone in child safeguarding etc or SS who can advise what to do?

Nutshell: at a kids party today I witnessed parents 'discipline' their unruly child in a very abusive manner - adult father trying to restrain child (no older than 7) and ended up literally kneeling on him for several minutes. Child was very upset, in pain, and sobbing for him to get off.

Mother was present and witnessed, was apologising for child's behaviour but not batting an eye at what the father was doing.

I'm ashamed that in the moment I froze - was wrangling my own kids and the situation escalated suddenly, I couldn't believe what was happening on some level and did nothing to help the child.

I can't get it out of my mind and feel distraught that I didn't intervene at the time. Genuinely sick at the thought of what's going on behind closed doors if that can happen in public at a birthday party. Definitely feel I must report.

However, I don't know this child or the family at all. Can't think of any reason to ask the party host for their info - if I did it would surely identify me once there was a report. Honestly I am a little bit scared of the violent father, if he knew I'd reported and could find out where we live...

Does anyone have any suggestions how I could help this child?

For what it's worth, nothing I saw indicated to me that the child was being restrained for their own safety. From my POV: child was being rough with other kids and cheeky. Ignored mum's attempt to correct the behaviour verbally.

..so the child was gearing up to hurt another child then.

If the child hurting others is a regular occurrence then the family will be able to pre empt an incident and intervene accordingly.

@Pepper34 I don't think an adult man kneeling on a crying 7 year old can possibly be an appropriate intervention, sorry.

Hopefully there's some resources to investigate and perhaps it'll turn out I'm wrong. But it's still worth reporting isn't it?

I think so yes.

I'm definitely not trying to talk you out of reporting, just giving another POV from somebody who does have to restrain their child and why. I don't think it's something many parents would jump to doing without due concern, especially not in public without good reason.

It's best to err on the side of caution when there is any possibility of abuse though.

The parents won't have been given any training in restraint. There is nothing available for parents.

It was definitely worth reporting and I certainly think you've done the right thing.

When you say kneeling, do you mean he was sitting on/over him at the pelvis and pinning down his arms with his knees? I am not opining on whether you should’ve reported or not but that is a position that my brothers used to use on me to tickle me and one that I have used on my kids for the same. It doesn’t hurt.

Reading you original post made me feel sick! If they can do this in public I'd hate to think what happens behind closed doors. Please report it, as an adult who's witnessing such abuse of a child you really do need to step up and do something. Make it your business to find out who the child is, report it to the police and oval child services. There is absolutely no excuse for restraining a child ever!

Reporting is totally the right thing. Someone reported my husband once for hitting our son. He didn't, he just told him off (he wouldn't get out of the car) and was a bit crosser than he should have been about it. I was there so know that he didn't hit him or shout at him excessively but he was def frustrated with his behaviour.

Husband was mortified that it looked like he was abusing our son.

Anyhow, if the parents don't have a history of intervention all that will happen is that police will attend and ask what happened. We literally didnt know why they were there as from our perspective the telling off had been so insignificant.

The police spoke to my son who told the police exactly what had happened and they went away again. And i felt happy that my local police force took action straight away on such a report (they came the same day).

If you ever see something that looks wrong with a child of course you should report. I'm horrified that posters are making excuses and saying the child might be autistic and they might have been restraining to stop them from injuring themselves. How can you possibly know that? The OP has said she thought the dad was just mad. Don't turn a blind eye. Report and let the police look objectively at the whole situation.

Right so by your reckoning, IF the child DID have ASD and was being restrained for their own safety, because we're on mn, we're not allowed to mention that possibility? And therefore encourage the false reporting of parents protecting their child, as being abusive?

They perhaps were being abusive. However what PP's are suggesting is that OP considers every possibility

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After your last update OP, it sounds like reporting was the best thing you could've done. From a formerly badly beaten child - thank you!

I'm so sorry that happened to you

My special needs child calms down with pressure so I'll often sit on his legs if I can during a meltdown. Maybe you'd think I was being abusive, but what I'm actually doing is keeping him, me, and everyone else around from injury.

@rockingbird no excuse for restraining a child ever? Eh?

@MadameMackenzie Why the hell does OP need to consider “every possibility”

Should she not report it because randoms on MN think the child is autistic?

don’t be so bloody dense. This is a child’s life

Well done op, reporting was the right thing to do. If only people didn't turn a blind eye so often then maybe there wouldn't be as many child deaths. Even if it wasn't abuse, it's best to remove the possibility by getting it investigated.

@WoolyMammoth55 was the father kneeling on the child's back or his legs?

Was he actually kneeling on him or restraining him between the knees?

Regardless of answer, I think you did the right thing reporting , I'm just trying to figure out just how unsafe this was.

I was also trained in it (Team Teach methods) and it absolutely does not involve kneeling on a child, unsafe restraint can cause serious injury or death. At best it sounds like these parents need proper support.

Absolutely not! I speak as a mother of two children with autism. I have never once had to restrain them and never would.!!

Sometimes as a last resort it is necessary to avoid serious injury to the person in distress or those around them but it doesn't sound like that is what happened here.

In my workplace (school) there are strict rules about when and how restraint can be used. Basically you must be trained in how to restrain safely, it must be an absolute last resort and there must be compelling reasons for doing it, you must use the least amount of physical contact and force necessary, and so on. Nowhere in the guidance or policy does it advocate kneeling on a child.

However what PP's are suggesting is that OP considers every possibility

It's not OP's role to consider every possibility, that's a job for the people she's reported it to who are trained in safeguarding.

Parents are not allowed to have the training that school and care staff have. However I cannot see a situation where kneeling on a child of at most 7 in order to restrain them, is a reasonable course of action. It sounds like the child should have been taken out of the soft play much earlier. One adult always had to shadow ds at soft play and at the first sign of agitation he would be taken off the frame.