today I witnessed child abuse but don't know the family - how to report?

[WoolyMammoth55]

Is there anyone in child safeguarding etc or SS who can advise what to do?

Nutshell: at a kids party today I witnessed parents 'discipline' their unruly child in a very abusive manner - adult father trying to restrain child (no older than 7) and ended up literally kneeling on him for several minutes. Child was very upset, in pain, and sobbing for him to get off.

Mother was present and witnessed, was apologising for child's behaviour but not batting an eye at what the father was doing.

I'm ashamed that in the moment I froze - was wrangling my own kids and the situation escalated suddenly, I couldn't believe what was happening on some level and did nothing to help the child.

I can't get it out of my mind and feel distraught that I didn't intervene at the time. Genuinely sick at the thought of what's going on behind closed doors if that can happen in public at a birthday party. Definitely feel I must report.

However, I don't know this child or the family at all. Can't think of any reason to ask the party host for their info - if I did it would surely identify me once there was a report. Honestly I am a little bit scared of the violent father, if he knew I'd reported and could find out where we live...

Does anyone have any suggestions how I could help this child?

For those saying a father kneeling on a crying young child in public could all be innocent, what WOULD make you report something? I see other threads like this where posters talk about ‘parents just having a bad day’. It certainly wasn’t a good day for this child.🙁

OP was there and says it looked like abuse, so surely the right thing to do is report?

@WoolyMammoth55 I think the social media connection suggestion from a PP may be helpful. Do you know the child’s first name?

I’ve had to restrain my 11yo DS in a similar manner. He has ASD and would get quite violent otherwise. Be careful what you’re calling abusive behaviour, restraining rather than hitting is not abusive in itself.

Definitely report. We have a collective responsibility towards children who have no power.
@PissedOffAmericanWoman I am so sorry that happened to you and your family. I hope you are in a better place now and can love yourself and the little girl you were.

Ffs not every bloody thread needs to involve a child with autism.

I witnessed something similar (verbal abuse, not physical) the other day and I informed the school, who in turn asked me to report to a safeguarding team on the council. I would report it @WoolyMammoth55 - the folks won’t know who did it and you may save that child’s life.

There is NEVER any valid reason to be kneeling on a child's back to restrain them!

Op, don't put off reporting by the posters saying the child could have ASD or autism etc. It's not an excuse for what you saw.

You were there, you witnessed a child being abused. Please report it.

It’s Mumsnet.
Autism is almost mandatory?

How many people actually witnessed this?
I'm guessing it was a busy party with lots of parents present.
I can't get my head around why out of all those adults present in the room, not a single person reported this. Or maybe they went off and did it in private without telling anyone.
In a situation like this, however, I would have expected a big gathering of parents discussing what had happened and who should report it etc etc.
Whatever, it needs reporting now. The child should be the first priority.

I agree that 101 and give the info of the party host is the best way to go. The host will know the child's full name and parents info. Explain to the police you feel scared of the father and ask you be kept anonymous.

Poor child. 😢
This is way way beyond normal pressure restraint, I felt sick just reading it it must have been awful to see, and never mind for the poor little one who lives with these two. 😡 I hope the police do investigate and intervene. Even if it's "on paper" it may help with a bigger picture situation if the school report any concerns too for example.

Even if the restraint was cause by need rather than abuse, it was not a safe way to do it. That's the main problem. If they are struggling, then they do need extra support in how to manage his needs, deescalation techniques and safe and appropriate ways to restrain him when needed.

Or it could be that they just do this because the child needs pressure to regulate. Hence not hiding their strategy and it’s not necessarily the case they do anything differ t at home ?

I agree to report but there could be another explanation . I have dc with ASD and ADHD and we have had to restrain them before

Definitely Definitely report.

I have a child who is nearly six and likely about to be diagnosed asd. When we have to restrain him it's just awful. It looks and sounds horiffic. This is on a DAILY.

Truthfully, we are struggling. We have to avoid being kicked, pinched or scratched, headbutted and bitten all at once. The restraint never looks pretty and he always screams that we are hurting him and he can't breathe. That's Definitely not the case.

We decided not to restrain him the other day. He broke a piece of furniture, his tablet and harmed himself and smashed 3 bananas over the walls and floor.

Reporting could get these parents some help and support. I'd welcome it, personally.

I would feel the same as you. You are right to report it @WoolyMammoth55

You witnessed a parent wielding sustained pressure on a child. It's not your responsibility to dissect the whys and wherefores.

As a minimum the family can get guidance and support or it can be the start of investigations, but either way you have protected that child which is what any of us should do.

Let us know how it goes.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

This also highlights the lack of support for parents - several posters are saying they restrain their kids, but there is no training available routinely (Challenging Behaviour Foundation is great is there is a learning disability present) and parents can end up doing something unsafe or without thought to dignity and de-escalation. This should be reported as otherwise nothing will change.

Sometimes you can’t de-esculate a situation and physical restraint is the only way. I have an autistic brother and I remember situations where my parents had to physically restrain him. It probably looked awful but there was no other way (that we were aware of) because they couldn’t reason with him.

That said, I’d still report because it’s up to professionals to make that call and if there is abuse at least you’ve done something.

But what would you have expected them to do??? All they do with a disclosure like this is refer into children's services as an anonymous referral....8f you don't even know the child's name then childrens services won't even accept the referral.....and even if you do , in my experience most nspcc anonymous referrals end up as NFA (no further action)....because its your word ( the invisible person) against the parents

I would ring 101 and report it. The place will have cctv. If there IS a reasonable explanation the the police can find out what that is from the family.

OP I understand why you didn't- you froze- but the time to report stuff like this is while it's happening. It will be really difficult now for anyone to identify this family and do something effective for this child . Advice for others reading this - if you see something like this, call police while it's happening and report an assault is taking place.

"There is NEVER any valid reason to be kneeling on a child's back to restrain them!"

It's not clear which way around the child was but children should never be restrained face down. It is very unsafe.

Sometimes you can’t de-esculate a situation and physical restraint is the only way.

Which is why I said 'and parents can end up doing something unsafe or without thought to dignity or deescalation'
If you are going to restrain someone you need to do it safely, and as a last resort. It doesn't sound like what op witnesses at all.

Even if the child has autism or ADHD the child should not be restrained that way, there is certain protocol for restraining, a child died because they were restrained incorrectly. If your not trained in restraining you need to be so careful as it can restrict their breathing.

This.
People with more training and skills will decide if there were reasons this was ok.

It was a children's party so there must have been quite a few attending. None of you intervened ? None of you discussed it ? Surely if you had , there would have been a joint decision re who would report it ? [rather than several of you]

Prévention is best...but you know sometimes you get past the point of no return quicker than you expect and all hell breaks loose.