To think I'd get my evenings back by now?

[BananaHammock23]

Posting here for traffic hoping someone can help or at least share some hopeful stories.

My 16mo DS has never been a good sleeper. We cosleep and I still breastfeed - I feel like this is probably contributing to the problem.

My problem is that I'd really like to get my evenings back. Even if just a stretch from 7-10pm so we could spend time together without worrying or even have friends over for dinner or go out for a few hours with my mum babysitting.

We have a pretty good 7-7 routine. We do bath, book and bed and he tends to go down pretty quickly on the boob. The problem is that he then wakes up every 20 minutes-ish until I go to bed. Then he wakes up every 3 hours (on a good night). We can have anything between 2-8 wake ups a night. He has one nap a day at around 11.30/12 for 1-2 hours. This doesn't seem to make much difference to the nights.

How can I get him sleeping through, even just for that first stretch? I'd love another baby and I can't even imagine how that'll happen until DS is at least sleeping a few hours.

I have a supportive partner who does try and do their share but it does tend to fall to me in the evenings because it's quicker for me to feed him back to sleep than it is for them to rock him.

Anyway I'm tried and feel like I have no time to myself at all. I'm desperate. Any advice?

Yeah I thought that once.

My 5 year old is still awake and shouting for us every two minutes and its 21:55.

Exactly the same age daughter and i breastfeed and i feel like i could have written this post...but shes my fourth and ive done this with all of them...co slept and breastfeed until 18 months as soon as i stopped breastfeeding they all slept through the night. So my only advice is it definetly gets easier once you stop bf but you will also miss those night time cuddles so also enjoy this time. ❤

At 11 months I decided to stop feeding to sleep and feeding over night. I won't lie it was bloody hell for weeks. During the night trying to comfort him without boob was just horrendous and took so long.

I would give him last boob about 6.30 downstairs and then go upstairs for the rest of the routine. I still have to hold him to sleep before he goes down but he generally goes through until anywhere between 4-6am now. Depends how I'm feeling, I will try and get him back down in his room or just bring him into our bed until 7/8.

We had a sleep consultant at 5/6 months and have literally tried every technique out there (except CIO). Unfortunately as much as people go on about self soothing, it's a load of rubbish. Everyone told me once he crawled/weaned/walked etc that he will sleep and he absolutely didn't!!

Just sticking to not feeding has helped the most but we did have to have a lot of tears and even less sleep to crack it. I had a midwife round and she said generally changing the routine can take 10-15 days for it to show any difference and she was actually right in our situation. We have been doing the rest of the routine since the sleep consultant, the only thing we changed was stopping feeding over night and to sleep.

One day I hope he will sleep without us holding him or laying with him (he's nearly 15 months) but for now I just accept it. We generally have our evenings back from about 8pm and on average one wake up or none (unless ill/teething).

It's not perfect but it's a lot better than it was for us. The sleep deprivation has made me really ill to a point of having to go on medication so I do understand your pain. It's so hard. I hope you manage to find something that works for you!

Hi, I could have written this post myself 6 months ago. I was stuck in the exact same cycle of feeding back to sleep and still co sleeping with my then 18 month old. We literally couldn’t get through an hour’s episode of a program without being interrupted. I eventually decided just to stop breastfeeding as he wasn’t feeding in the day anymore just at night (obviously not saying you should do this, just what I did) When he woke up wanting to feed I’d pop his dummy back in, at first he got very annoyed and would throw the dummy across the room but after about 5 days he just stopped. Now six months later he’s in his own bed in his own room and sleeps 7-7 most of the time.

I had a baby book which said 'if your baby sleeps through a period of time once, then you know they don't need the milk. Never feed them during that window again'. I followed that principle and it worked well - and it does tie in with what pps have said (obvs flexible if they are unwell or teething maybe). Your DC is looking for comfort, or doing it though habit, not because they need milk. Hopefully you can try some of the suggestions on here, and I hope you get some time to yourself soon.

This; it might seem tough

This is dangerous advice surely age is a factor?
at 2 weeks my baby slept through the night - the next day she cluster fed and then woke for more feeds. If I refused to feed her when she was hungry she would have lost weight.
breastfed babies need more milk it’s just nature, it’s also normal for babies to wake frequently.

crying it out just teaches the baby not to call out for you it doesn’t mean they sleep through the night.
I can’t think of anything more sad than my baby laying in the dark alone wondering why no one is coming

I'd say stop breast feeding altogether and give him water when he wakes up. He'll soon get the picture especially if DH gives it to him.

Your child is 16 months old. They have teeth and are eating food. Why do you need to keep brest feeding them and co sleeping with them?
Why do you think you have not got some part of your life back by now?
Your child cry's, gets the boob each time and you kept brest feeding them up to now. You should have stopped breast feeding them months ago.

Then there beside you every night in bed. That why your not able to go away for a few hours or have a night out with your husband because you won't stop breast feeding and co sleeping.

You need you need to stop breast feeding them, get your husband to give them a bottle or sippy cup. Your baby will cry and won't like this but it time for you to do this.
You won't be able to go anywhere until you do this. Get your child into a toddler bed and their own room.

My eldest was a terrible sleeper and like many he was fed to sleep. Once I stopped feeding him to sleep he slept through... for a few weeks and then revert back to awful sleeping.
My youngest is again a terrible sleeper. He's 2.5 years and fed on demand during the night. He actually doesn't ask to be fed all that much and never falls asleep feeding. I think he doesn't it more when he's frustrated/really struggling.
I think there is an element of BF which effects sleep... but I'm a firm believer that sleep is developmental and will only happen once the child is at a point where they are ready to sleep without support.
You could try stopping BF, if you want to. But if you don't maybe just limit how you feed to sleep.
It won't always be like this, it will get easier. You just have to ride the wave and if there's anything that's making it difficult for you then change it.

Stopping the boobing to sleep and the co sleeping will help you get your evenings /life back Basically you have trained your child not to settle without you and they've learned that lesson well

That's what I did. At 7 weeks old DS woke up only twice at night.

I also put my son to sleep at 6pm so I had evenings to myself with my husband.

Definitely this. 👏

When my eldest was six months old, my doctor asked me how I was and I said ‘tired’! He asked what I did when she woke in the night and I said ‘feed her’! So he said… ‘she’s not hungry and doesn’t need feeding in the night anymore. Give her water’. And that was that…. I agreed with my husband that we had to do it together because she’d expect milk from me. It took 3/4 nights to break the cycle and bang! She slept through. It was AMAZING. With my son, I remember, at about the same age, it happened ‘by mistake’. He wasn’t very well and woke up in the night. I picked him up with the intention of feeding him and he fell back asleep in my arms before I did anything! So I put him back down and decided he didn’t need feeing in the night anymore either. He, too, only them took a few days to sleep through. You need to break the feeding cycle. Good luck!!

@LuckySantangelo35

Because they've never stayed in bed. Now they are older they sit with me and go to bed when I do.

All the judgemental comments about breastfeeding and cosleeping make me sad. Everyone can make decisions that suit them and their situation. There's nothing wrong with feeding to sleep, nothing wrong with cosleeping. Nothing wrong with not wanting to do those things either. But to say to another mum that she's doing something wrong by breastfeeding her 16 month old to sleep is not on.
OP, you're doing great and whatever you decide make sure it's something you're comfortable with. Don't let others pressure you to do anything you're not ready for.

Well in this instance there is something wrong as the OP has written in asking how to make it stop.

I agree.

I think when a parent is breast feeding past 6 months or co sleeping in general people will always say that that is the problem because it's the most disposable thing.

I get that everyone on here has different experiences but I don't think it's as straight forward as just stop.

OP is on her knees. This isn’t a good set-up for mum or baby!

I sympathise. Going through the same with my 10 month old. I know the obvious is to stop feeding to sleep, but that is SO much easier said than done..

I’m genuinely shocked by this thread, and slightly in awe of those of you who are still dealing with so many night wakings after so many months. I feel the anti-sleep training brigade have done mums a huge disservice and made so many parents and babies horribly sleep deprived for years

Yup. We all do what we think is right, etc etc, but 1-2 years of completely broken sleep should never be promoted as normal.

For those saying just stop and give a bottle how do you get a toddler to drink from a bottle when they never have before? It’s really not as simple as just giving them a bottle at night. Mine just thinks it’s a toy. I can get him to drink from a sippy cup but not that much.

I agree, all the people saying you have to stop just ignore those of us who know their babies are (currently!) Sleeping through while feeding. The problem with giving up breastfeeding overnight is that, when baby is ill or similar you've lost that tool from your arsenal

I thought it was a dangerous thing too. Just because they slept through once doesnt mean they dont need the milk especially young babies.
Many orphanages overseas are quiet because the babies have learned no one comes when they cry so they don't 😪