To not want to communicate with my Step sons mother

[AnxiousStepparent]

There is a such a huge backstory to this but I can't give away too much as I don't want to be identified.

There have been multiple court cases throughout the years, the mum withholding contact of DSS etc. There have been allegations made on both sides.

The last court hearing stated that both parents need to change. DH really took this on board and has focused on his own behaviours and trying not to retaliate etc. he has been doing really well. Communication between him and his ex has been very friendly.

His ex and myself would usually communicate instead of DH as she felt more comfortable talking to me. We would have a laugh and it was friendly conversations.

Then, out of the blue she is suddenly making false allegations against DH and me. This has made me not want to communicate with her anymore as I thought we had moved beyond that. It's undone everything we have all been working towards over the last few months.

My dilemma is, do I stop communicating with her and my DH revert back to just communicating by email or would that look like a retaliation and being petty? I am very cautious and I don't feel comfortable talking to her anymore as everything that we have said has been twisted and embellished.

When I said refute it, I meant to the court otherwise if the judge believes her then DH will lose his contact with DSS.

Judges see cases like yours all the time. They aren't stupid. Unless they think the child/ren are in actual danger and there is significant proof, they don't stop parents seeing their children.

Well duh, it's in Court.

Yes but this is on another level of toxicity that I have come across on mumsnet. Years of allegations and poison. With the child right slap bang in the middle

“I have not come across”

You mean you haven't come across years of allegations from both sides? There have been a few reported on MN due to the child/ren concerned making allegations about each parent and their respective partner.

Ah that’s ok then.

No biggie.

I imagine family court solicitors and judges are absolutely sick to death of it, the courts are full of stuff like this. Mind you, I hear they're not paid too terribly.

@RedWingBoots That is exactly what has been happening. DSS would tell us very concerning things and then when his mum would find out what he had told us; he would then say things like his dad hit him etc to make him say these things - which isn't true at all.

@AllOfThemWitches £120k per annum for a district judge.

Not enough for the shit they have to see.

This stuff is mild for them, other stuff isn't.

I know too many people who work or have worked with children in a professional capacity and have had to go to Court.

So your DSS likes to play his parents off against each other by making things up as he knows they don't get on, and both parents instantly believe him?

Read him and give him Aesop's fable on the "The boy who cried wolf"

Then stop believing him until he proves he's trustworthy again.

@RedWingBoots We believed him at the start of all this as it never crossed our minds that a child would make stuff up like that. As time went on and when he started telling lies about DH, that's when we started to learn that he is quite comfortable with lying. As awful as it sounds, we now don't believe us if he tells us anything. Unless there was hard evidence available obviously.