To not want to communicate with my Step sons mother

[AnxiousStepparent]

There is a such a huge backstory to this but I can't give away too much as I don't want to be identified.

There have been multiple court cases throughout the years, the mum withholding contact of DSS etc. There have been allegations made on both sides.

The last court hearing stated that both parents need to change. DH really took this on board and has focused on his own behaviours and trying not to retaliate etc. he has been doing really well. Communication between him and his ex has been very friendly.

His ex and myself would usually communicate instead of DH as she felt more comfortable talking to me. We would have a laugh and it was friendly conversations.

Then, out of the blue she is suddenly making false allegations against DH and me. This has made me not want to communicate with her anymore as I thought we had moved beyond that. It's undone everything we have all been working towards over the last few months.

My dilemma is, do I stop communicating with her and my DH revert back to just communicating by email or would that look like a retaliation and being petty? I am very cautious and I don't feel comfortable talking to her anymore as everything that we have said has been twisted and embellished.

So they were allegations

and presumably not proved or unfounded if the judge told him to stop make allegations

it just all sounds very toxic to the poor child involved

No I meant the ex’s allegations!!!

Well I am sure you don’t

because this time the allegations are being made by the ex rather than your DH!

@Feef83 Yes they were allegations and no there was no proof or evidence. We have since learned not to raise concerns with professionals unless they can be proved, even if DSS is telling us things.

Counter-allegations were then made from the mum.

I agree, it was a toxic situation but things had been improving and going really well until recently.

@Feef83 Sorry im getting confused. Did you mean you wanted to know what allegations his ex had made?

Ok so your DH made allegations. No proof. Unfounded.

Rel improved

Now ex making allegations.

Do you see how awful this must be for your SC?

sorry I will start again. I've not explained very well.

So spanning over several years - she made allegations first, 2 year later DH made allegations, then 2 years after that both made more allegations. 2021, both DH and mum making allegations but DH has really worked hard on not panicking over what his son says as it may not be correct. No allegations made since 2021 but mum has started making them again now. She has made plenty in the past and got DSS to lie to authorities about DH.

And it just gets worse

As Judge Judy says , you have to love your children more than you hate your ex.
sounds like neither side has covered themselves in glory.

@Feef83 I agree. It has been bad on both sides. I think the important thing is realising behaviours and making changes which DH has done. The ex however is dragging it all up again. That's my recent issue which has made me cautious.

Completely agree with you, lessons have definitely been learned.

How long have you been with him

please say you aren’t thinking of children with him?

I have been with him over 8 years and I can't have anymore children. However he is a good man and I completely understand why he has reacted the way he has (I have seen practically this whole thing play out) but enough is enough from both of them. Time to move on.

She has just started making allegations again that DH has been aggressive in certain settings

what are the allegations about you?

Sadly you can’t just say that and it happens.

The people who could make that a reality, don’t seem to want to

Do you have children with him?

About me specifically? I just get dragged into whatever DH is accused of. Not changing, not working with her etc but the evidence shows otherwise.

Do you think your step son is making up these allegations? How old is he?

@Feef83 I agree with you, it would be good if everyone could move on though. I don't have children with him.

He's almost 10. At first we didn't think he was making them up and we were really worried but as time has gone on and considering he has made some very serious allegations against DH, we now realise that he was perhaps telling each parent what they maybe wanted to hear.

DSS doesn't just do this with his parents though, he has made up lies about other people too and teachers at school.

This poor poor boy

He sounds very very unhappy and disturbed

Over and out