Denying your DH sex

[T90]

My husband goes in a massive huff with me if he’s up for sex but I’m not.

We have a 7 month old and a 3 year old. I’m running around all day with the kids, cleaning, cooking, getting the kids out and about etc. By the time I do all the dinners, clean up, do the kids bath and bed, I’m just done. Im also up every night doing all the baby’s feeds.

We have had sex every other week since the baby was born but I’m just shattered all the time. He just rolled over and fell asleep the last time we did it and I felt pretty crap if I’m honest almost the point of feeling used.

I understand his need to get close and we have a great relationship but this whole going in a huff is becoming more and more regular.

AIBU?

Every other week since the baby was born! Was that what you wanted?

Rolling off you the moment he's come isn't bringing you closer. Was he always so selfish?

Sex is supposed to be for both people. Do you actually even enjoy it? It's pretty awful if he's just pestering you and isn't bothered about your feelings.

YANBU....could have written this myself.Have a 5yo and a 13mo, who is breastfed (doesn't help with the whole libido thing but matters more to me she is able to breastfeed than me having a sex drive!) I never want sex...we have it every few weeks when I eventually give in, but DH would have it alot more if he could and I've also been on the receiving end of the 'huffiness' often.He has just had to suck it up and accept it is what it is at least for the time being.I had a low sex drive before kids, its pretty non existent now.It's not something you can control so why feel guilty about it....plenty of other aspects to a good relationship.

Sorry, I meant it's NOT something you can control!

No one is entitled to sex. Huffing and pestering is coercion in my view, which at worst is part of the gamut of sexual assault, at best is deeply unattractive and unacceptable in an equal relationship. I wonder what these men think makes a woman want to have sex with them? And wonder what you think of this ad?

Is your DH willing to do more around the house and with the DC so that you can get more rest and therefore feel more in the mood? What’s the rest of your relationship like? Is he usually selfish and huffy? Have you talked about it?

YANBU!! I also have a 7 month old and we have DTD twice since he has been born. I have 0 interest and 0 energy!!! He sounds incredibly selfish!

YANBU OP

FWIW you are not 'denying your H sex' you are tired, overwhelmed and under supported. You need to have an open and honest talk with your H and tell him he needs to consider your feelings. He is not going to die from having no sex, he can look after himself (that's what his hand is available for in times like this!) and support you in getting the rest you need by helping you with his children. You may find that once he starts pulling his weight more and stopping sulking like a giant baby, you might feel more inclined to getting some physical intimacy back to your relationship!

Having a baby and not feeling up for sex is not denying him sex.

sex starts outside the bedroom, with a loving committed attitude that won’t leave the other half doing all the work.

Tell him if he wants you to have more energy, he needs to help more, he needs to put the kids to bed while you tidy up or visa versa. X

I shouldn't bother doing this
He's already shown you who he is.

Leave. It will not get better

I got sick of the expectation to have sex with my DH. I’m too tired and annoyed at him and I don’t want to, end of discussion. Eventually he’ll leave me but I’m not that bothered.

If you feel unfulfilled in a relationship it's never going to be a happy one or going to last.
Your DH needs to understand that he needs to pull his weight domestically and then you might have more energy and attraction to allow sexual activity to flourish.
He also needs to up his game to ensure you have a good time and feel fulfilled after being intimate.
Using sex as leverage within a relationship is not a good idea, it should be freely given and not a tool or treat to trade.
You both need to communicate to evaluate what areas need to be addressed to gain some sense of balance so that you can get back ontrack to work better and with each other as a couple.

You had sex a week after giving birth?

He doesn’t have a right to your body; he doesn’t have a right to sex; you don’t owe him it. Only ever do it if you want it 100%, otherwise you’re just going to feel used, or worse.

You’ve got a baby, no wonder you’re knackered and don’t feel up for it. When my DS was born I don’t think me and DH had sex for six months!

Great relationship?

this

I'm not saying call the police but you do need to tell him to have a word with himself.

So he denies you a partner and you deny him sex
seems fair. Don’t think he’s got a leg to stand on. You aren’t even denying him anyway.
i dunno why his apparent need to be close doesn’t extend to after sex. And why his apparent need to be close trumps your need to have a partner that shares In your household chores

Have you tried telling him he’s a shit lover at the moment so until he gets his act together and puts some effort into making sure it’s good for you, you’re going to get into a huff every time he makes a play for sex that doesn’t center your pleasure.

Did you talk to him about how he made you feel the last time? That would really put me off even if I wasn't exhausted with two young children.

This

There’s a word for a man who coerces you into sex by acting like this op

He seems to have an expectation that sex will be provided.

Rather than him taking responsibility for his attractiveness as a sexual partner.

Maybe if he treated you more like a desirable woman and less like a housekeeper with a duty to satisfy, you might actually feel sexual towards him.

You need to talk to each other.