Partner Xbox gaming in evening when I want to relax

[purplehair1]

I’m working long days in a demanding job. I live in my house and my partner of 5 years has moved in with me as he has a job in my city. For context, he earns less than me and works in a job where he ends his day at 3.30. I’m rarely home before 8.
So Friday night I’m coming home at 8, hoping he might have sorted some dinner out. I call him, he’s watching football and is having ‘snacks’ for dinner. So I buy myself a ready meal and wine and get home. I have to work Saturday, he doesn’t. My son is watching Football with his mates downstairs so I sort my dinner out and go up to eat in my bedroom with my partner.
He’s playing some dull game on the Xbox he’s put in our room while watching football on his phone.
I ask (nicely I think) maybe 2 x if we could watch something which we would both like to watch. And explain I would like to relax and enjoy my evening given that I have to work tomorrow (he doesn’t). He continues to play til I get very angry (wine, okay) and turn the bloody xbox off at the wall.
Then he’s angry and puts his earphones on and sulks and refuses to talk to me.

okay I may have stolen one of his earphones and tried to talk to him about how he could have played his stupid game tomorrow while I was at work and now he’s put his old headphones on and has turned his back on me. Am I the unreasonable one?

Why do you have to go to your bedroom whilst your son gets the downstairs? That is my first question. The second is why do you have an Xbox in your bedroom? I couldn't deal with that. I don't even have a tv in my bedroom.

Get rid of all screens in the bedroom, then get rid of x box or boyfriend

Please wake up. This is who he is. This is your future. You will be saddled with a selfish, inconsiderate, unmotivated twat. Show him the door right now and move on with your life.

Seriously why are you putting up with this loser? Just get rid ... I have a DH and a young adult DS ... I can't imagine having to retreat to my bedroom on a Friday evening to eat a ready meal in front of an X box. Raise your expectations!

No way would I have an x-box in my bedroom. No fucking way. I also wouldn't be pushed out of my own living room by a bunch of kids if I'd been working until 8pm. Take back some control in your own house, my love - its yours, you work for it!

I wouldn't have an x box in the bedroom but..... I wouldn't want to watch anything else if football was on.

I have banned tvs in all bedrooms for years. We had one when we were younger but they are just awful for sleep, we would watch shite for hours then be wired from the blue light.

kick your son out the living room and the tv out the bedroom.

Am I the unreasonable one?

No
You are just another deluded woman who has moved a useless man into her home.
Can you move him out again?

YABU because once a relationship has deteriorated to the point you’re turning off devices and stealing ear buds it’s probably past recovery.

You want different things and have different lifestyles.

Yeah I think him staying with you isn’t working. Time to end that I think.

If he does stay definitely no Xbox in the bedroom.

If he wanted to watch footie, why not watch it with your son?

so you got wine drunk or tipsy, stole his earphones and demanded he turn off his game when he was there first because you had to go to work tomorrow and he didn't and you belittled his intrest at the same time, why didn't you go tell your son to turn off the game and watch it on his phone instead

I don't think he's at all unreasonable to want to play Xbox on a Friday night. It's not his fault you don't get home until 8pm or that you have to work tomorrow.

However I do think it's hugely unreasonable that you've allowed your son to take over the living room with no consequences, yet you've kicked off and started a fight with your DP 🤷🏻‍♀️

To me, the obvious solution is that DS and his mates go to his room, DP stays where he is and you watch TV in the living room.

To be fair it sounds like you're letting 2 blokes rule your roost

Dp sounds like a child

I wouldn't have an Xbox in the bedroom. either.

But that's because the ps4 is in the bedroom for those times I can't use the Xbox in Lounge.

Lolll if you did that to me we'd be done. Not his fault you work late. Your child is utilising the main room so he's moved to another one. Why does he have to wait til you aren't home to do what he enjoys?

Why? For playing Xbox and relaxing in his own home on a Friday night?

He's not the one turning stuff off at the wall and pulling peoples' headphones out in a strip

Not much of a partner is he!

How old is he? 12?

Sounds like childish drama. Agree with pp get rid!

Also 'hoping he'd have sorted dinner out' do you just not communicate?

One, im not sure why people are saying the son shouldnt be allowed to have his mates around to watch football on the main tv. He might pay rent and equally entitled to use the living room. Its the world cup its not an every day occurance.

Two, the dp is not unreasonable to want to play his xbox on a Friday evening and not have his partner stroppily pulling his earphones out and blaming it on the wine. Its not his fault she has work tomorrow.

Thelobster, yes - playing video games rather than paying attention to your partner who has just come in from working late is selfish, self obsessed, lacking maturity and empathy, and ultimately childish

Is this something he always does? If there’s a compromise and you do watch stuff together sometimes I don’t think you’ve got any right to come in and demand he suddenly stops what he’s doing because you want to do something else. Xbox or whatever it actually is is irrelevant. My dh plays a lot of Xbox but I don’t mind, we watch a lot of tv etc together too. It’s all about balance. I’m not surprised he was annoyed if you turned it off in the middle of a game!

Can you have a talk with him, explain that you need him to step up and pull his weight, then I'd (privately- cards close to chest) give him a certain amount of time and if he doesnt shape up my next move would be to renegotiate the terms of the relationship.
How about separate homes for a kick off?

He could still chat and play at the same time. It’s almost like saying the minute a man walks in the door a woman should drop everything and fawn all over him.

I disagree completely.

Just because OP has been at work, doesn't mean she gets to walk in, demand attention and make her DP switch off his game so she can watch what she wants.

She's a grown up, and more than capable of cooking her own meal, ordering takeaway or, if she's desperate, asking her partner to sort food out beforehand.

It's not his fault she has to work late, work tomorrow or that she has a demanding job, so I'm not sure why he has to suddenly stop what he's doing and interrupt his downtime to accommodate her demands?

He's not the one being selfish here.