is this unreasonable to ask of someone postpartum

[ochrietmastree]

having a section on nye. IL’s (300 miles away) have asked dh to go and visit for new year with our toddler. selling it as ‘will be nice for wife to stay home and bond with newborn’ erm?? i don’t want my toddler being 300 miles away for a start, she’s not even stayed the night at my parents down the road yet nevermind anywhere else without me as she still bfs to sleep and through night. and second i will have just been chopped open days before and dh has taken paternal leave to help out at home not to go off to visit other people? are they for f*cking real? i’m pissed off they even asked.

he replied saying unlikely but tbh i wish he’d told them to get real and use their brain for half a second before even asking

No it's total madness. I'm guessing MIL didn't have a section herself.

wtf

That is so far beyond unreasonable, that's full on CF territory!

I mean, it would be a fairly cunty thing for them to expect your dh to do any way when you'd just had a baby, irrespective of mode of delivery.

Absolutely ridiculous suggestion!

I hope your husband tells them so on your behalf!

They think it’s reasonable to expect their son to leave his wife alone with a newborn for days on end? Even without a section that’d be unreasonable, and actually cruel. They’re mental.

YANBU!

But instead of saying “Unlikely” your DH needs to make that a firm “No” – “unlikely” is a wedge that keeps the door open to this harebrained scheme.

Are they helpful, useful sorts of in-laws – in that would it be worth inviting them to yours in January to take your toddler to the park, make meals, cuddle your newborn while you have a shower, etc? Or are they like my PIL (FIL shook his head at the concept of holding the baby, “Oh, no, I don’t think so” and MIL kept her coat on the whole time, handbag in lap, saying it wasn’t right to make herself at home in our kitchen but DP could make her her hourly cup of tea). If the former, invite them.

Wow! I’m fairly easygoing but even I would kick off at that suggestion. Clearly a firm ‘no’ is needed.

Yes they aren’t being fair or reasonable - if they are usually ok maybe it’s sheer thoughtlessness.

on top of the things you mentioned, your toddler will also need to bond with ‘her’ baby. Watching my dd1 meet and then get to know her new baby sister is one of my most precious memories. We really prioritised her and it worked well for us. (I spent hours expressing milk for her to feed ‘her’ baby but that’s another story and she loved it)

Maybe they really have offered for good reasons, eg leaving you in peace and quiet to bond (not realising the post-op state you'll be in). Just say no.

I can't believe he didn't say no fucking way!

Yanbu. You're much better off being at hoke with your DH and toddler and taking it easy together.

Our dc was due the same week dh usually went away with his dps-annual sporting event -
Ds was premature and I had had a suspected heart attack..
Dh rang mil. First words were great he could take them away now...
Relationship plummeted. Haven't seen them for 8 years in January..

He should be saying hard no.

i feel like it’s always ‘unlikely/maybe/probably not’ from him for this reason like he’s scared to just say no

and no if i invited them up they’d probably just try to drag dh out drinking for new year and do sod all else

Bloody hell! Under what other circumstances would it be ok to say 'do you want to leave your partner who has had a major operation, on a date that people normally have company, to look after a newborn, while you have fun somewhere else'. Think that shows how much they factor you into their plans OP

jesus. no wonder you haven’t spoken to them in so long how insulting

What would happen if he said “No”? Would they stop contact? Because that doesn’t sound like the worst thing… What are they bringing to the (new year major surgery) party? Not a lot by the sounds of it.

Given the ludicrous suggestion, I'm going to wager they aren't helpful or useful.

Pop it in the" evidence that parents in law are bonkers" box, and firmly tape the lid down.

They've asked. You've said no, which is fair enough. But I don't quite understand the rage

Absolutely go - at Easter.

At New Year no.

Lol I’m 35 weeks pregnant and flew into a rage earlier because I ran out of Minstrels. If my in-laws suggested DP and DD going away after my own upcoming section would be “a break” for me I’d end up in prison.

Probably because you haven't read OP's posts. Her husband didn't say no.

Absolutely ridiculous, what the hell are they thinking?