is this unreasonable to ask of someone postpartum

[ochrietmastree]

having a section on nye. IL’s (300 miles away) have asked dh to go and visit for new year with our toddler. selling it as ‘will be nice for wife to stay home and bond with newborn’ erm?? i don’t want my toddler being 300 miles away for a start, she’s not even stayed the night at my parents down the road yet nevermind anywhere else without me as she still bfs to sleep and through night. and second i will have just been chopped open days before and dh has taken paternal leave to help out at home not to go off to visit other people? are they for f*cking real? i’m pissed off they even asked.

he replied saying unlikely but tbh i wish he’d told them to get real and use their brain for half a second before even asking

Do they often make unreasonable requests of your dh?

Complete insanity.

I’m assuming this is your second baby. I had a C-section for my second and I was so fraught with worry that I wouldn’t be able to do all the routine things with my first child, let alone the newborn. The last thing I wanted was to be laid up in bed with the new baby whilst my toddler was left to ‘fend for himself’. I wanted ‘look, it’s all ok, we’re now a family of four but nothing has changed’ etc etc. Having my first carted off to his grandparents during the very important first days?? No fucking way. It’s not even about the section, it’s about now becoming a family of four.

well with first child they asked him to go down and stay a week so he could put new patio tiles down with them a week before my due date so… yes 🥲 he did say no to that though

Gobsmacked. I think I'd be livid that he didn't tell them that they're on another planet for even thinking it would be okay. Do they actually know what a c-section is?

I’m obviously in the minority but I think it’s a great idea!

It’s extremely difficult with a toddler and newborn and you just want to snooze and not do much for the first couple of days, as the baby will just be sleeping but you can’t do that with a toddler as you have the guilt of wanting to show them extra attention.

If you’re not happy then definitely don’t do it but I don’t think she’s a CF as I think many women would enjoy this.
Maybe this is what was done for her and she’s now trying to pay it forward.

maybe for other women but for me my toddler is my favourite little person, i want her involved in being a big sibling and share the bonding time even if it will be more difficult. i hate the thought of her being away from me for the first time ever and then come home to find me chilling with a baby she’s never met. how confusing for her :(

She'll still be in hospital and likely in a lot of pain! It's not some romantic relaxing bonding time after a c section. I couldn't stand up for three days and needed a bloody transfusion.

It's madness and so selfish that they would ask this of him. Do they not care about you at all?

Are they on crack?

Bloody hell that's major. Jaw. dropped.

I needed help getting in and out of bed after my last section, and had to be hoisted off the loo at one point. Alone with a newborn would not have been workable. And they snooze a bit but as I recall DD also fed relentlessly and pooed after every feed, plus I needed injections and painkillers constantly, it wasn’t snoozy newborn times it was the Vietnam War.

I think it's mad, if she's out of hospital she won't be able to drive, lift baby etc and will need help from dh.

It is not relaxing trying to care for a new born alone after a c section

If she is still in hospital he will want to visit to bind with the baby and introduce their toddler

yeah defo not a sweet little bonding experience 😂 with my first i couldn’t even get out of bed or get myself into/out the shower nevermind anything else. i remember crying every night as i climbed the stairs to go to bed, and even with a next to me crib i had to get dh to get out of bed and pass baby over for feeds as i couldn’t twist to get her out of the cot. i don’t know why my IL’s think doing that alone would be at all helpful

Surely the rage is because it’s a stupid bloody suggestion !

Twats!

Not to spook you because I'm very pro section (I had one with twins after a vaginal birth with our oldest and consider it one of the top five surprisingly civilised experiences of my life) but twisting is something to watch for. For as long as there is another option, don't even try.

I can be stupidly over the top and was making myself walk down to NICU to visit one of our twins and lift the other. I gave myself a hernia twitching to pick her up and a much longer recovery.

You definitely need your partner around to do the lifting and er, feed you crystallised violets and profiteroles. Very important part of recovery.

You are having major surgery.

You are going to need support.
You might still be in hospital.
It's your first time as a family of 4.

They can feck off.

I didn't even want my ILs to visit 7 days after my C-section because I was worried they would try and take my 4 yo out to the park without me 🙈 I was extremely hormonal and needy 😁

Not unreasonable at all to feel that way. Just say no!! All the best!

Have you had a section?

They sound like absolute arseholes.

Generally these mil threads I find the issue is with the poster, but this is crazy ahi asks someone to leave their newborn and wife who has just delivered. Dunno what’s wrong with these people but something is

How are you supposed to cook yourself dinner, get in and out of the bath, look after baby, do the laundry etc and go the shop if you run out of stuff if you’re left on your own days after having major surgery? The idea is utterly bonkers. I had two vaginal births and I couldn’t have done it.

He should have laughed in their face

Do they think you’ll be in hospital? Maybe they don’t realise you’re likely to be back home very soon after and needing looking after. Your partner should have just said outright no.
will you continue to feed the toddler multiple times a
night when new baby is here?

Have you ever had surgery where they cut you open all the way through, move some organs out the way, cut your womb and then lift a small person out and stitch you up?

Have you ever had a section?

I’ve had 3 (one fairly recent). I couldn’t get the baby out the cot to feed on my own. I could barely walk to the bathroom. Had to eat meals in bed. Was regularly crying with pain.

OP will need support.

That’s absolutely ridiculous. And how awful a way would that be to handle the transition for your toddler? Introduced to the new baby then whisked off away from you.