AIBU to think society is really unfair about work and sickness?

[Lovelifelaughlots]

OK, gonna preface this by saying I'm not in the UK, and also just posting for traffic.

Got a meeting with HR next week to discuss my absences from work. Had a horrible pregnancy and was signed off for two or three months (where I am, pregnancy sickness is not considered different to normal sickness). Since starting nursery, babe has been ill almost all the time. I took a week off cos babe had RSV. Then half a day because nursery wouldn't take her due to oral thrush. And I've had time off myself because of mastitis and an abscess. All since August.

So, I totally get that from an employer's perspective, this is a nightmare. But from my perspective, what the hell do I do as a single parent? I don't have family well enough to watch my baby, and all my friends also work. So what on earth am I supposed to do? In my country, you can be dismissed easily for too many absences so I think I'm going to be fired, and then what, really?

It just seems so unfair that there is so little support out there for parents who work.

What would you do/say going into this meeting with HR?

Didn’t you use annual leave when your baby was sick?

Honestly… it’s not your colleagues (who will be picking up the slack), or employers problem you have childcare issues.
I worked with a woman who was dismissed for essentially working, at best, 50% of her contracted hours due to constant childcare issues. It just bred so much resentment within the team. While everyone was of course, very sorry for her, it was becoming untenable in terms of what work she was actually getting done, as she’d usually need half a day catching up with everyone who’d done her work, and also the ill will it was creating in the team

YANBU but I have to say I’ve found it to be different in the UK. Colleagues where I work get sickness absence authorised without question when it’s their kids or pregnancy-related, but I’m currently having a really shit time with HR because I’m on reduced hours due to being treated for PTSD. I’ve joked with friends that if it goes on much longer I’ll say I’m pregnant or that I’ve adopted a child and they’re sick.

Anyway sorry, not helpful, but I do think it’s sad that we’re human beings and yet our illnesses are treated as so inconvenient.

Do you have a right to parental leave where you are?

Is there an option for you to work from home?

Is it affordable for you to employ a nanny rather than rely on nursery who have to consider the other children in their care?

@JWR, I work in a school so no annual leave. All time off is set.

There is parental leave but only up to 10 days a year or 15 weeks a year if the child is very sick (i.e. cancer).

Nannies are incredibly expensive and we have only one salary so not an option.

I thought this was gonna be "why do I have to stay home away from work when I feel fine just because I have a cough etc."

Yanbu.
I've only survived as a lone parent as I was able to work part time. That way I could shift days around and try and keep myself well. I was still bollocked after a major op and when a parent was dying years ago though.

It depends where you are really. If you’re in a hire at will US state, for example, you have no rights anyway, so there is nothing to say really.

Are you a single parent? If you’re in a relationship and the sole earner why are you taking time off?

Can you demonstrate that you and the child’s father have been sharing the time off?

It just me and babe so this is the problem.

So did you not take the RSV week and thrush as parental leave, meaning you've only had the morning sickness and mastitis times off?

I'm just not sure how this meeting is going to go down. Has anyone had any experience of these kinds of meetings? What should I expect?

You'll be best off telling you what country you're in as those of us in the UK can't really help as we're more fortunate with this kind of thing

@girlmom21 Yes, I guess. It's not like the UK where you specify when you call in. I mean, I had a certificate from the paediatrician about the RSV, and a sick line for the mastitis/abscess. The only thing separate from that is calling in for one morning, and that was because I needed the time to sort childcare. Once I organised a babysitter, I came in for the afternoon.

It might be also my pregnancy absences last year. I'm not sure if they can include that or not given so much time has passed.

Yes OP because unless it's actually you that is sick you should not be phoning in sick, it should be parental leave or other unpaid absence.

Even meetings like this in the UK, though. Ive just never been in this situation before so no idea what to expect, @girlmom21

@funtycucker Sorry, wasn't clear. I never said to my boss that I was sick. I was clear about why I wasn't coming in, but I didn't specify what leave I was taking. I don't think that is necessarily a thing.

It depends on your employer then, really.

They might just want to check you're ok and see if there's anything they can do to help or give you a formal warning.

Have you had any prior warnings with regards to absence? What did they say when they booked the meeting in? Who's attending?

It would be really helpful if you said which country.

At my company I wouldn't expect you to get sacked but it would be a formal meeting to record concern and set out improvements that needed to be made. With the clear path to further action including dismissal if improvements were not made

In some countries, notably the US, it all comes out of one pot called “Payed Time Off”. So if you are off with flu for a week you have to cancel your holiday to make the time up. Explains why so few of them take holidays.

Paid! Not Payed! Bloody Autocorrect

Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time
So the times your child is sick cannot be counted as sick leave. That should be parental leave or special leave (paid or unpaid, whatever your employer offers)
So what they now should be looking at is YOUR sickness absence,

They may tell you your level of absence is unacceptable so you need to demonstrate how you can improve this.

The pregnancy is now over so that won't be a concern going forward. And if you're no longer breastfeeding or nearing the end then mastitis won't be a problem in future either. So I would reassure them these things are not ongoing and that your little one is getting all the bugs they usually get when they start nursery but that should settle down soon.

Does your country have registered childminders? If you have no family to help childminders often offer more flexibility than nurseries. And your DC isn't in with so many children so isn't exposed to same level of bugs going round.

Yes generally society is unsupportive of working parents and mostly this impacts on women. They earn less , less likely to be promoted, are judged by their colleagues and in the mean time expected to be all singing all dancing super heroes.

I

I'd imagine it will be along the lines of a warning. Telling you that you need to sort out alternative childcare for when your child is sick . That's how it would go in my organisation.
I doubt you'll be fired at this meeting but they are going to put you on notice .