AIBU to think society is really unfair about work and sickness?

[Lovelifelaughlots]

OK, gonna preface this by saying I'm not in the UK, and also just posting for traffic.

Got a meeting with HR next week to discuss my absences from work. Had a horrible pregnancy and was signed off for two or three months (where I am, pregnancy sickness is not considered different to normal sickness). Since starting nursery, babe has been ill almost all the time. I took a week off cos babe had RSV. Then half a day because nursery wouldn't take her due to oral thrush. And I've had time off myself because of mastitis and an abscess. All since August.

So, I totally get that from an employer's perspective, this is a nightmare. But from my perspective, what the hell do I do as a single parent? I don't have family well enough to watch my baby, and all my friends also work. So what on earth am I supposed to do? In my country, you can be dismissed easily for too many absences so I think I'm going to be fired, and then what, really?

It just seems so unfair that there is so little support out there for parents who work.

What would you do/say going into this meeting with HR?

I have no idea about the laws but you have had a huge amount of time off so going into this meeting, I would apologise! You need to acknowledge the difficulty your absences have caused your colleagues and show huge appreciation for their support.

It would be worth pointing out that you had a good sickness record before you became pregnant and that as you’re now single, another pregnancy any time soon is highly unlikely. You won’t be at risk from complications like mastitis and baby illness for long in the grand scheme of things.

Ive always-

• split the time off with the children's father. Even the people i know who are separated still do this to some degree.
• try to take annual leave for children's sickness unless i'm ill too myself
• catch up hours other times where possible
• if ive no choice but to be off & run out of annual leave, i work from home as far as possible

In some countries, notably the US, it all comes out of one pot called “Payed Time Off”. So if you are off with flu for a week you have to cancel your holiday to make the time up. Explains why so few of them take holidays.

!!!

Are you a member of a trade union? If yes I would seek urgent advice from them with regards to your rights and what their advice is. Might be worth considering having a trade union rep in the meeting but might feel to antagonistic.

If not, maybe time to join one?

Iv always done this too but OP says she works in a school. So no annual leave other than in school holidays and if she's a teacher then school will have to pay for replacement teacher every day she's off

Well, sure, but those coming at it from that perspective are probably frustrated because it’s the employer (and therefore the coworkers) stepping into the gap.

There are only three answers if someone literally cannot find childcare but needs to remain in work - pay increase (to maximise chance of finding paid childcare), staff increase (to absorb workload from absences), or neither (coworkers take on extra work for no extra pay).

Or, you know, the man steps up - but in the majority of cases the man is as much use as a chocolate fireguard.

I’m 100% in favour of the first two, but realistically in a capitalist world that ain’t happening. Being one of the coworkers is frustrating and I don’t blame some posters for their tone if that’s the case.

I'm not clear if when you are sick op you get full sick pay. Also I'm not clear about the statutory employment rights where you are.

However, in the UK, even where there are significant employment rights there is still a contract of employment. Generally the contract of employment stipulates that the employee will render their services in exchange if money. There are agrees times when employees are not expected to be at work. Legitimate reasons are: annual leave, sick leave, mat leave, parental leave (usually serious) unpaid leave, agreed compassionate leave. The average sickness in the UK is about 7-8 days leave employee and that includes long term leave.

Wherever one is, there is an expectation the employee is available for work except for agrees and legitimate reasons.

I am sorry your baby had been unwell but agree with others - you have a childcare problem and this is causing you to have an attendance issue.

Would you be better placed if you came to the UK - assuming UK is home?

Apologies for typos.

Thanks everyone with all the advice. Will update the thread next week after the meeting!

I have found my company to not be parent friendly. A Director said to me smugly “my wife looked after the kids when they weren’t well so I could go to work” - but I am the wife in my family! I honestly think it’s better off I don’t work, so I am around more but financially I HAVE to work, I have been so stuck in the past. I can’t ask others as no one wants to catch what my kids have had. It got so bad I now work in a school, they’re more understanding but I still don’t get paid etc, it’s just more friendly about it.

conpanies need to make money and I feel for the colleagues left, I have been that childless one picking up the slack and I had my own life too. I don’t know the answer but it is hard to work and have a family, you cannot properly do the two u less you wfh and even then it’s not easy.

Not really, turning up for work is generally a requirement.

I don’t know why you won’t say what country you are in, the things people think are “outing on here” are sometimes odd but what country you are in really is taking it to next level. Some posters live or have lived in other countries and might be able to better advise with this rather key information.

No there is no support at all for single parents, I was one. I considered going onto benefits for his early years because I had no back up. I really did.
Luckily DS was rudely healthy and never caught anything but if I was in your situation I think I'd consider UC for a few years no way idea but better than this.

not ideal that should say.

Agree with others, just be as honest as you can and say you will try your best to minimise future absence (all you can do really). Some of your previous absence was pregnancy related so unlikely to recur anytime soon (from what you are saying).

If education is in the same situation in your country as in the UK you are unlikely to get fired (i.e. struggling and understaffed).

I'm a lone parent of 3 and work full time. My job means if I can't come in, it effects a lot of people and I also don't get paid. I've had to build a huge support network in order to work, its taken time and effort on my part. If you genuinely can't do that, then I see no option other then a different type of job (wfh) or benefits. Its not fair to put on your team like that. Sometimes I have to leave my poorly children with friends/relatives, I don't like it but I have to. I can count on 1 hand the amount of sick days I've had since becoming a single parent because losing hours means I struggle for the month. You can't just expect your work place to put up with it.

I don’t think it’s the norm to take time off when a family member is sick. Maybe when a parent dies, but nit for a family member’s sickness.

I don’t think you should remind them you didn’t go off when your family member was sick. I don’t think it will help pointing it out.

They employ you - not your family member. So many people have stuff going on outside of work and yet come in because it is their job and don’t expect any special consideration for it.

I feel for you ,its a really shit situation for you.If you are abroad and would rather not say where.Can you google this information ,or see is there is some kind of public service bureau like CAB (In UK)which will give free help and advice? Some pp on here seem unable to grasp that you didnt plan this situation!

Did you really need to time off with RSV or mastitis's. I'm sorry but it sounds like you think you should be off either time either of you is remotely unwell. DS currently has a cough but is running round the house normally so will going to school tomorrow. DH has badly bruised his back and is agony he won't ring in sick tomorrow. We get 6 months paid sick leave and 10 days childcare per year, I can count on one hand the number of time we have both been off and most of that was enforced due to COVID

@Grumpybutfunny from someone who went to work with shingles, a broken wrist and also a crushed vertebrae (but for 9ndays off for the latter). When DS had RSV it resulted in severe bronchiolitis and and a 6 day hospital admission foowed by months of wheezing. I can't remember ever feeling as ill as I did with the first bout of mastitis - no way could I have worked for the following week particularly as the best way of clearing it was to constantly fees. A bit if expressing whilst at work wouldn't have cracked it.

I don't see why you're so special you won't tell us which country? Is it a very low populated place? Do I know your neighbour? I could be your boss! Or! Your kids nursery practitioner. Yep. I'm definitely that.

It completely depends on where you are. I'm also in a school, not in the UK. Most pregnant colleagues get signed off right away...on full pay (covered by medical insurance) until their maternity leave kicks in. Then they can take up to 3 years of leave, two of those paid.
As a single parent, you get up to 60 paid "child sick" days per year. It's really difficult to be dismissed for sick days in general. We've had a teacher, who was usually out for half the year at least, several years in a row. She was signed off sick by her doctor. Nothing anyone could do about it.
I'm glad about it the system, though. DS has just been ill for over a week and I've had to be home with him. I'm not saying it was easy for my school but nobody batted an eyelid, really. I'm not sick very often and neither is DS.

Without knowing what country you're in its impossible to give relevent advice.

I've lived in 4 countries - England, Turkey, Spain and Italy - and have family who live in the USA, Canada, South Africa, Australia, Ireland, China and Brazil ... every country has different employment laws and workers rights and so the advice is different depending on the country you're in.

In this situation it really doesn't. Get a grip.