AIBU to think society is really unfair about work and sickness?

[Lovelifelaughlots]

OK, gonna preface this by saying I'm not in the UK, and also just posting for traffic.

Got a meeting with HR next week to discuss my absences from work. Had a horrible pregnancy and was signed off for two or three months (where I am, pregnancy sickness is not considered different to normal sickness). Since starting nursery, babe has been ill almost all the time. I took a week off cos babe had RSV. Then half a day because nursery wouldn't take her due to oral thrush. And I've had time off myself because of mastitis and an abscess. All since August.

So, I totally get that from an employer's perspective, this is a nightmare. But from my perspective, what the hell do I do as a single parent? I don't have family well enough to watch my baby, and all my friends also work. So what on earth am I supposed to do? In my country, you can be dismissed easily for too many absences so I think I'm going to be fired, and then what, really?

It just seems so unfair that there is so little support out there for parents who work.

What would you do/say going into this meeting with HR?

I took a few days off when my DGM was in intensive care. Work put them down as compassionate leave.

Yes, my baby had bronchiolitis as well, and I was really worried about her. The doctor signed me off to look after her. It wasn't just a cold/sore back etc. I'm really not sure who would leave their baby with a friend or relative when the baby is that sick? If most people would and I am being unreasonable, then I think I should just quit my job and claim benefits (which, btw, I am not doing even though it would be soooo much easier!).

And for the people saying just leave the baby with a friend or relative, well, I don't have any. Genuinely. None that don't work, anyway.

And I don't want to say which country I am in thank you. YOU might not know me, but there may be colleagues who do. It's an unusual country for a Brit to live in so it would be pretty outing if any of them read this.

I'm not looking for legal advice, just any stories from people who have had these meetings (in any country), and how they approached it.

Also, it was my spouse who was sick, and by sick I am seriously ill, not just laid up with the flu.

I mean not I am

Without knowing the country and applicable laws here is my general advice.

Before you go in, you need to come up with a plan. What will you do different than what you have been doing? You say that a nanny is expensive, but so is unemployment. This is what HR will be looking for.

Does your country/region have any laws that offer protection? Have you signed up for or sought protection from these laws For example; I’m in the US and most employers have to offer unpaid family leave that protects your job under certain circumstances for caregiving and medical reasons. Sadly most people don’t sign up until it’s too late.

Is your situation sustainable long term? You sound like you’ve been treading water since your baby has been born. Is it maybe time for some big changes like moving closer to a network?

it’s really a shit situation for everyone, and I wish you luck.

Yes, my baby had bronchiolitis as well, and I was really worried about her. The doctor signed me off to look after her.

What do you mean by this @Lovelifelaughlot? Did the Dr give YOU a sick line in your name when you weren't ill? You said your employer knows it was your baby that was ill.
If so then this may be what the meeting is about?
This should not be taken as sick leave, it should be carers leave/parental leave/special leave.

In most workplaces in uk a certain number of days off sick triggers these meetings. It may be more than 2 occasions a year or more than 8 days or whatever.
I suspect you have gone over one of these thresholds and triggered this meeting because of your SICK leave, if you took it all as sick leave and not as carers leave. It's very shortsighted to do this as you can end up in this situation when it's not actually YOU that's been sick

No, it wasn't my sick leave. Here, to trigger the parental leave for child sickness, the doctor writes a sick line for the child naming you as the person who will care for them and it creates a line for your work. It was in my child's name.

Ah I understand what you mean now OP. I'm unfamiliar with that system as most employers in uk just take your word for it that child is ill.
Good luck with the meeting with HR