Do you have any opinions on how long is 'too long' to breastfeed your child?

[elephantonacid]

Feeling awfully judged and wondering if anyone has an opinion on this?

But equally they don't need sugary sweets, they don't need TV, they don't need loads of things that we still give them because they enjoy it, it's soothing/fun/calming/kills some time etc. We don't NEED everything we have.

I really don't know. I breastfed my daughter until about 18 months and stopped as I was pregnant. My 11mo son only really feeds when he wants to sleep so I think we'll stop in a couple of months. My neighbour breastfed her little girl until she was almost 3 and it didn't seem weird or anything.

Personally I think I'd make them stop before going to school/pre-school as I'd be worried they'd be teased or called a baby.

Even if they're still also using language to communicate? Are doing well and very independent? I just don't see the two as mutually exclusive

I don't either at an earlier age, but of course breastfeeding for comfort gets superseded and replaced by more advanced, complex stages.

Breastfeeding is an early developmental stage, so i would find it odd it continuing past a certain point. Like at some stage it feels like a child holding onto to developmentally immature traits.

Once they start moving onto mostly solids

But equally they don't need sugary sweets, they don't need TV, they don't need loads of things that we still give them because they enjoy it, it's soothing/fun/calming/kills some time etc. We don't NEED everything we have.

Ok, so why don't we all continue breastfeeding to adulthood?

This.

I breastfed all of mine (5) the longest was 4yrs 7months. I had to literally drag him off me then though.

It's no ones business in the end but you and your child.
I am sorry you feel judged. I did and then I got to the point where I didn't give a damn. I also moved to a country where it is common to see women feeding toddlers on benches so that helps.

Don’t see why it’s so funny. I realised I was doing just this. Just automatically going to breastfeed my toddler at bedtime because it’s the bedtime routine. They didn’t ask, but happy to take it. I’ve recently realised I can just stick them in the cot, and they go to sleep without it. So yes, I probably could have kept it going for ages just from routine.

I’ve also had a 16m old toddler shouting “more milk!” at me up until a few weeks ago. But by “older toddlers” I actually meant “older toddlers”… like 2/3/4 year olds.

Some of the comments...

4 is only school age in UK. It's terribly young and exhausting. Where I live it's 7.

Because I suppose i see oral stimulation as the most basic/primitive form of comfort, and expect that as a baby grows and develops emotionally and with more language, they'll move on to more developed forms of seeking comfort.

I agree with this, and with the dummy analogy others have made. Rightly or wrongly we feel that a child above a certain age should have moved on from sucking things for comfort. It feels like it infantilises them.

For me they probably hit that point at about 3-4.

I wonder if my African heritage has anything to do with this. I have a photo of my mum breastfeeding me whilst on a carrier, on her back 😂 I literally had grabbed her boob, and was 'feeding round the corner' as she used to call it.

I followed a “don’t offer, don’t refuse” policy from around 18 months or so. Except in practice sometimes I would refuse but perhaps looking to distract rather than a straight out “no”. My younger one appears in the bedroom at 0630 and his morning greeting is “Boob!”. It is very much child-led in my house.

I cannot emphasise how delighted I would have been if they self-weaned so I hadn’t had to be the meanie refusing. In practice, I tried to wean my first as gently as possible including books to prepare, and it made no difference whatsoever. The idea I get a kick out of it is an interesting one, as is the idea you could force feed a toddler….

It's your business, nobody else's. However, when he starts school, do bear in mind that the playground can be a cruel place and if he is still on the breast and tells his classmates this, he may get teased.

There is no reason, it is just that over 3 years you are definitely a statistical outlier.

There are plenty of people who think Bf-ing is 'weird' or 'gross' fullstop!

I think when either of you has had enough.

Nutritionally though I’m not sure it’s necessary past 2 in developed countries, and any later than that I (personally) think it starts to be more about what the Mum wants than what the baby needs.

Ugh, this is so going to end up in the daily fail isn't it....

You’re clearly very defensive op. No one wants to fight with you. You asked a question and people are trying to answer gently but genuinely .

it is by far not the norm to be breastfeeding a child of this age, this doesn’t mean a small minority of people don’t do it and older, or that it’s not ok. It is.

People find it discomfiting because a child this age can usually talk, feed themselves, go to the loo themselves, dress themselves have a drink themselves, he will be going to school soon enough. Comfort at this age is more commonly hugs, cuddles, time together reading, talking, playing that sort of thing, not generally a breast in the mouth, which in western society is more associated with infants . It’s the same with dummies. It’s not about sexualisation but more about infantilisation. He doesn’t know any different, as an adult you make this decision. And the decision is ok,

rhe point remains, if you and your child still like this and want to do this, then it’s no one else’s business.

I meant I associate both with babies, not that they are equivalent in any way. Same with nappies, feeding from a bottle not a cup etc.

Being really honest I would find it strange a 4 year old child who goes to school being breast fed. Breast feeding/bottle feeding is what you do for a baby, maybe toddler but not a child. They are on a new chapter of their life about learning, making friends and everything school comes with.

I would worry about them being bullied and also do wonder who’s benefit keeping them in the ‘baby stage’ is for.

I actually think most people on the thread broadly agree that either around 4/5/school age, or alternatively being completely child-led, is normal. (Unless I’ve missed some posts of people saying “anything after 1 year is gross!!”).
Even the completely child-led people surely wouldn’t feed much older than about 7…. Right? So the answers aren’t that different.

I think if you asked this question outside Mumsnet you would get far less accepting answers.

I bf one until 18 months, 1 until 3yrs 3 months. Both weaned themselves. I will admit i had to have a talk to myself when at a breasfeeding group and saw a woman tandem feeding a 6 year old with newborn-ish sibling. I was really bothered by it and have no good reason why.

I think it’s a really interesting topic. Like some other posters, I find it a bit strange after a child becomes more ‘childlike’ rather than seeming (to my eyes) like a baby. So yes, a four year old would make me do a double take whereas a 2 year old wouldn’t.

I’d also find it odd to see a four year old with a bottle instead of a cup (except where disabilities are a factor).

I think this is largely cultural though, rather than their being anything ‘wrong’ with breastfeeding an older child.

Because eventually children stop by themselves. When they're ready to. And there isn't really a 'right time' for that - some babies never want to breastfeed, some babies wean comparatively early (poster here said hers did around 14 months), some keep it up for years. The 'biological norm' as far as can be determined from tribal societies seems to be around 5-7 years old (as the milk teeth go). Our modern society where children spend less time in the exclusive care of the mother probably results in earlier 'normal'/average self-weaning times, but every child is different and some will lose interest very quickly, some less so.

My second baby refused to breastfeed from birth. Utterly refused. I was gutted, I'd been so looking forward to bf her. But I pumped, we got the bottles and go on with it. Slowly she started bf overnight, then started to ditch her bottles in the day (around 9 months), then increased her daytime breastfeeding, and now she's quite keen! I mean you could say I did the whole thing backwards if you look at it from a 'breastfeeding is a primitive, immature behaviour which reduces over time then stops" perspective. I should have embraced her 'skipping' the immature stage perhaps? I dunno it just seems very proscriptive for no particular reason.

I mean you asked a question knowing you are in the minority anyway and refuse to accept anyone just had a different opinion and keep coming back with ‘But why? Whyyyyy? Why though?’ like a toddler yourself 🤷‍♀️

This ⬆

I intended to feed to about 2 (who recommended min age) but DS had an awkward latch so once he got his first tooth at 11months it became very clear we were finished. I was very sad about that.
I'm due with another baby very soon and I'll wean them whenever it feels right. After 2, most likely.