Do you have any opinions on how long is 'too long' to breastfeed your child?

[elephantonacid]

Feeling awfully judged and wondering if anyone has an opinion on this?

I agree with this. A dummy is a good example. I would find it weird if a 10yr old had a dummy, same with breastfeeding at that age. In fact I’d say the age that I’d find breastfeeding odd would be the same age I’d find a dummy odd.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I only ever breastfeed my son if he asks.

Like everyone else has said, it's a personal preference and should be guided by the mum & baby / child.

However from my own personal perspective, I feel that like other aspects of early childhood, breast feeding has a natural time limit. My 3 DC self-weaned at about 14 - 18 months, felt right to me as they transitioned to more solids, greater independence, and the acquisition of other skills (language, ability to express their needs & seek comfort in other ways).

I wouldn't in any way judge mothers making other decisions but I do feel there can be a sense of excessive virtue & achievement shown by mothers who do extended b/f (not meaning you OP!)

i never understand the 'they shouldn't still be doing it when they're at school' thing. I mean, they're not going to be doing it AT school are they?

Totally agree this is very personal. I fed my older one until he was almost 3 and then stopped because I’d had enough. I’d really wanted him to self-wean but he wasn’t having any of it.

My younger one is nearly 3 and I plan to wean this week. Again, he shows no sign of stopping, though is perfectly happy with alternatives when I’m not there, but it’s stopped being a pleasant experience for me as he’s such a fidget and also keeps grabbing at my other nipple despite me being very firm with him. So I’ve decided I’m ready to stop.

I found it interesting that for me personally, I have reached the point where I want to stop at exactly the same point! (A month shy of their third birthday)

For me personally if they can hold a conversation with you then it's too old....like age 4....

But why though? Not being goady, just wondering what the actual reason is?

Because we perceive infants differently to older children in terms of having very physical needs, and when a child is talking to you using developed language, you stop perceiving them as an infant.

I am still feeding my almost 4yo. No-one really knows apart from my parents and PIL as it doesn't really come up. Before I had children I thought that feeding past about 18m was a bit odd but now it's just normal.

I'm not sure why people think you need a 'reason' to carry on feeding and try to focus on the purpose e.g. nutrition. My reason is that my DS still wants to and I'm happy to. It's 5 minutes lying down on the bed after bathtime. I'm perfectly happy with that! Although when DS had a 5 day sickness bug and struggled to drink anything it was handy to be able to feed him.

I do get frustrated by this idea of mums forcing it. I had a humongous battle the other day to get DS to take Calpol. I don't see how I could force him to feed when he doesn't want to!

Like you OP my DS goes to nursery, stays the night at grandparents etc. He feeds himself, dresses himself, manages fine without me but when I'm there, still often asks for a feed. It's dropping off and more frequently he will choose a cup of milk instead.

My youngest was 5 when I stopped.
At that point no one outside of my dh and dc knew.
Past 18 months I started to get “bitty” comments (because feeding a toddler is exactly like feeding a massive creepy middle aged man), so it was only done at home.
Family life was stressful, and I think for little ds it was a vital part of every night before bed to wind down.

People have weird attitudes to breastfeeding in this country. If you do it there’s a limited time before people think you’re doing it for your own selfish needs, or you’re doing it for some perversion.

Boobs are very much for men to look at, anything threatening that is to be questioned, dismissed and somehow made dirty. It’s very sad.

Agree partially, but I actually disagree with your last comment to an extent. The only other two women I know who breastfed for a long time (age 4 and age 5) kept it very secret due to social judgement.

Because people associate breasts with sex rather than their biological function

I don't believe this at all & doubt most people do.

But as a PP said, a school going toddler having a soother, sleeping in a cot or eating puréed food would seem less than ideal, and I'd view b/f at that age in a similar light. (While recognising it's none of my business, rightly so!)

I think breastfeeding is associated with babies and infants. Like Dummies, cots and mobiles.
Therefore it can seem jaring in the same way a school child using a dummy would be.

But it is a parental choice issue so I wouldn't waste time worrying about what others think. Just focus on what is right for your child.

@InBlue

I do sometimes privately wonder with women feeding older toddlers, does the toddler actually intentionally seek out the boob? Or is the mum just sort of going “okay it’s morning/night time routine so it’s breastfeeding time” and the toddler complies.

😂😂😂

Oh my god. The idea of a toddler meekly 'complying' with the mother's insistence that they breastfeed. I am genuinely laughing out loud. After being pursued by my 19month old around the grounds of a National Trust house at the weekend to the plaintive and slightly embarassing cry of "BoooooooOOOOOooooobooooOOOOoooo!" this has made me smile.

To me it’s not exclusive to breastfeeding, I would also think 4 is too old to sleep in a cot, have a dummy or drink from a bottle.

This, I associate those things with babies and they are somehow incompatible with the much mature development of an older child, a child who can explain their worries, who is happy to be independent at school enjoying time with peers.

I do sometimes privately wonder with women feeding older toddlers, does the toddler actually intentionally seek out the boob? Or is the mum just sort of going “okay it’s morning/night time routine so it’s breastfeeding time” and the toddler complies. But that’s just because of my experience where DC get to a certain age and stop asking (far too distracted by toddling round/play etc, and preferring to eat snacks).

With my DD she weaned herself down to just two feeds - first thing in the morning and last thing at night - shortly after she turned 1. This gradually reduced in that feeds got shorter, and some would be missed where she didn't ask. She was also able to spend nights away from me without being fussed about not feeding. I only ever fed her when she asked, and when she stopped asking (when I was pregnant with DD2), we just stopped.

Even if they're still also using language to communicate? Are doing well and very independent? I just don't see the two as mutually exclusive (sorry not trying to be argumentative I just find it all really interesting).

@elephantonacid Okay fair enough. I think that’s fine then. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

All children are soooo different. You only need to look at the school gates for Reception class to see that some seem a lot younger or more sensitive than others.

Regardless of whether they’re breastfeed til 6 months or 6 years or not at all, it all evens out in the end.

But why though? Not being goady, just wondering what the actual reason is?

It's inherent in the answer OP! Everything has a stage, in terms of childhood, in my view. Nappy-wearing, weaning, sleeping in a cot - and breast feeding. They don't need it beyond a certain age, and developmentally they are ready to move on

(With same caveat as my other posts - none of my business etc)

I breastfed until my son was 3 the last year was very occasionally. I got a really bad cough and fractured my ribs from coughing so we stopped quite suddenly as I was too ill and in too much pain. We were trying to ease off but probably would have done it much more gently. I think personally if they're too old for a dummy then that's the age to stop around 3.5-4 but obviously some children self wean much earlier.

No view on anyone else's breastfeeding journey and I certainly don't judge. For my first, exactly three years, for my second and a little bit longer than that. I'm expecting my third (and final!) baby and looking forward to doing it all over again all being well.

I fed until 2.5 and then I woke up one day and decided to stop. No real reason, I just felt like I'd done my bit.

I never fed her in the day time, apart from on planes, after 12 monthsish so never dealt with any pushback.

People love to have opinions on child-raising. If it isn't breastfeeding, it's something else.

I breastfed my daughter until she was 2 and felt judged throughout, to be completely honest. I don’t tend to get involved in this conversation anymore because people get so heated. For me I think whatever goes on in your private home is your business, as long as you are both happy with it. If I was pushed for an opinion, I’d say school age because I wouldn’t want my child to want me for this reason at the wrong time when I wasn’t available. I definitely felt 2 was the right time for us.

I'd stop at school age do they won't say anything about it and get bullied.

Well, that is if they want to feed until then. DD stopped wanting the breast at 20 months. I'd also judge if a toddler is forced to feed. It should ve a natural thing.

I have a skewed perspective due to being a victim of abuse. But for me it’s uncomfortable to see anyone other than small babies being breast fed. I know logically there’s nothing sexual in it, and I know it’s 100% my issue. But you did ask for opinions. For that reason yes I would feel uncomfortable seeing someone breast feed a 4yr old. But sounds like you only do it at home anyway?

Anyone who does breastfeed older DC in public though, if someone nearby looks uncomfortable, understand it is probably their issue. I just can’t help how it makes me feel.

The only other two women I know who breastfed for a long time (age 4 and age 5) kept it very secret due to social judgement.

And I'm sorry to hear that - while I'm expressing a view here it's only as you've asked. In real life, this decision along with any other parenting choice, is none of my business to judge in any way.

The difference is dummies are an artificial substitute for the comfort of breastfeeding. So in a sense they're always weird (not judging, my eldest had a dummy as well as bf because she had undiagnosed allergies and needed to comfort suckle even when I wasn't around/available to feed to deal with pain). And they can be bad for dental health once teeth are grown in. Not so breastfeeding.