Do you have any opinions on how long is 'too long' to breastfeed your child?

[elephantonacid]

Feeling awfully judged and wondering if anyone has an opinion on this?

My 4 yo is unwilling to stop so far. I sometimes feel like I want her to stop, but when I think deeply about why, the judgment from other people, including from my husband and family, is one of the most significant factors in all that. Other people’s opinions can be so tiresome. She’s a super sociable girl who goes to nursery and doesn’t need me around all the time. She definitely is breastfeeding for emotional regulation purposes. But then everybody uses tools for emotional regulation, and everybody uses other people for emotional regulation, at every age.

No, no opinion, different for every family, couldn't really care less. Eldest I only BF for 12 weeks and would have loved to have felt able to BF for longer so was very upset about stopping. DC2 BF for 10 months and was only slightly upset at stopping, it didn't wholeheartedly feel like my choice again because basically he was refusing to BF much and drinking milk better out of bottle by then (both mine were combi fed anyway by choice), but on the other hand he was about to start nursery and I couldn't express so it was probably a decent a time as any to stop.

I cant personally imagine breastfeeding a child over the age of one ish HOWEVER I know people who have BF up until 4 (and possibly beyond, I wouldnt necessarily know). And thays obviously absolutely fine, it worked for their family.

As someone has said as long as you and your child are happy.

im bf at an age other posters in some threads in mumsnet have told me :
im sexually abusing my son
my son will hate me in the future
my son will resent me in the future and be ashamed of me
my sons friends are laughing at him
I’m only doing it for myself and I’m selfish

and I don’t give a shit what others think. So if you’re happy and so is your child then carry on as much as you both need. Life is too short to stop (or do) things just because other people want you to

Puberty 🤷‍♀️ when they or you feel uncomfortable.

She definitely is breastfeeding for emotional regulation purposes. But then everybody uses tools for emotional regulation, and everybody uses other people for emotional regulation, at every age.

Everybody doesn’t use other people for emotional regulation. Almost all children have to. I don’t think I know many adults who do.

This is exactly the point I was making in my first post a short way up this thread. I don’t think there’s necessarily a direct line between 3-5yo children breastfeeding, and them becoming adults who need others to regulate their emotions. A lot can happen in 20, 30 years. But school years can leave an indelible mark for life, and we live in a society where school starts at 4-5yo. They need to be able to regulate their own emotions.

I Bf'd both of mine for about a year which horrified some especially ex mil who ff'd all 6 of hers a lifetime ago

We were ready to move on about that time tbh, they were more or less settled at night and happy to pat back to sleep etc - plus the nutrition value is negligible when they're weaned.

That said, I do wonder if extended bf is more for the mum's benefit than the dc past this age (and certainly to 7?!?) - I've taught kids that age who certainly don't have any comprehension of that sort of emotional connection, and certainly don't need bf nutritionally after they've stuffed their face with monster munch.

I believe that there is little argument to extended bf babies having better anything over ff - if not there would be such a push to bf, and the majority of toddlers struggling, which clearly they don't.

I read somewhere that archaeologists/ anthropologists thought that pre- history, humans breastfed until 7. They were talking about nomadic people so maybe it was useful for that lifestyle - if there wasn't that much food that day the child could breastfeed instead, perhaps.

I’ve breastfed all mine, and for the last one actually looked up how long - it said up to 7 years. There was also something about it being when their big teeth came in, as they altered their palette/suck so they couldn’t really feed any more and self-weaned, if they hadn’t already done so earlier.

Different children have different needs. For my first, I thought I had to set a limit so stopped at 12 months, but for the other two I let myself be guided by them. One stopped much earlier than the other, and I was totally relaxed about it. Fortunately, as I’ve got older, I’ve become pretty immune to those judgey people who have issues with breastfeeding.

Carry on as long as you and your DC are happy. When mine self-weaned, it was quite sudden, like a switch had been flicked. They obviously knew what they needed and when they didn’t need it any longer.

2 would be the max for me. I find it weird after that; they're children, not babies and too old to be suckling at the breast. If you think they're a bit old to be walking round with a dummy, they're too old to breast feed. But that's just my own personal viewpoint, you should stop when it feels right to.

I take when you’re sad around others that love you they don’t give you hugs ? Cuz at least for myself feeling loved when I’m feeling vulnerable really helps me calming down. It won’t always happen. My son is not bf neither every time he’s unhappy but other times he’ll be as it’s his comfort zone

Mine is 16 months and still breastfeeds. It’s really just up to you.

It’s a where do you draw the line question. If 4 is ok, why not 5? If 5 is ok, why not 6? Is 7 ok?

There are apparently some studies that show early humans breastfed for up to one year.

As long as you want.

First, until she grew teeth, 12 weeks. The other two were formula fed. They all grew up strong and healthy. No worries, no regrets but each to their own.

Not sure whether I care much about what they did thousand of years ago. Their life is completely different to mine

@eas My DP gives me hugs. But I can manage feeling sad and upset by myself. After all no one is giving me a hug if I have a bad day at work.

I do think that in our culture we see breasts as sexual, and only as functional as an afterthought. I did before I was a mother. I wonder whether some people think that if a 4/5/6/7 year old can remember breastfeeding, they'd feel embarrassed about it when they were older? You know, that they could remember sucking on their mum's boobs and that this would feel too intimate?

Surely that's just cultural though. I don't see why things have to be that way.

Breastmilk is said to be such a super food, maybe it's better to feed for longer? Cancer- fighting, etc. Should we consider giving 4 year olds expressed milk to boost their immune systems even after they've self weaned? Just a thought

My cut off is 2. A friends logic was, if he’s old enough to eat a happy meal / burger and chips then he’s told old for breastmilk.

Im not saying you should feed a 2 year old McDonald’s btw but I agree with the rationale.

To answer your musings about who leads it...

DD is almost 4. We night weaned at 13 months because I couldn't hack being back at work and being up several hours a night. From about 2 I adopted "don't offer, don't refuse" as a policy. Now she asks for some most evenings when she gets tired and a few mornings a week. Sometimes I think she uses it as a delaying tactic to get an extra 10 mins snuggles instead of getting out of the door to nursery to be honest. She will also occasionally ask if she has hurt herself or if we've had a particularly busy couple of days and she just wants to wind down and connect. If we're at her Grandparents and busy she will probably only ask once or twice in a whole weekend. If we're having a chilled weekend at home she might ask a couple of times a day.

To be honest I thought she'd have weaned herself by now. Before I had her I thought once they were old enough to ask they were probably too old, but this has felt right for us. I am probably going to encourage her to wean before she starts school next year. I just haven't worked out if I'm thinking that because I think I should or if it's because it's what I actually want!

I was grateful we were still breastfeeding a few months ago when she had a stomach bug though as it's the only thing she kept down!

That's sad. I get hugs when I'm having a bad day at work

Can anyone explain to me the actual reason WHY it's weird, other than because 'people think it's weird'?

Not really, no. I can't put my finger on it. It just is. In much the same way as keeping them in nappies after they've been successfully potty trained would be weird. Maybe something to do with dignity? I'm really trying to put it into words why it gives me the ick but just can't.

It's so individual. For me breastfeeding for one year was enough. I'm sure it's healthy and normal to breastfeed for several years. I must admit I find it unusual when someone's breastfeeding a 4 or 5 year old but that's my problem, not theirs.

I am honestly astounded by how many people have issues with children suckling for comfort. Breastfeeding isn’t all about nutrition.

even posts that start off meaning well descend into this lunacy.

If young children want to suckle their mums for comfort, that is completely natural and fine. Who fucking cares if they are ‘comfort feeding?’. We are supposed provide comfort for our young and some children may need to feed a bit longer.

I just thought it was interesting.