Do you have any opinions on how long is 'too long' to breastfeed your child?

[elephantonacid]

Feeling awfully judged and wondering if anyone has an opinion on this?

For me personally, over 3yo is too long.

Hugs from your colleagues?

I've hugged and been hugged by colleagues, but only once they have become friends as well as colleagues and mostly outside of the work environment (exceptions being maybe conferences where I haven't seen a colleague for a long time).

I don't think I would ever approach a colleague and ask for a hug if I'm having a bad day. In fact I usually retreat into myself.

I’m my opinion kids naturally want to grow up unless they have a cognitive difference that would make them A typical. There are studies in asia that prove this. Many children naturally stop breastfeeding around 5-6 if left to their own devices. Whether it’s from peer pressure, inconvenience because they started school out because they merely lost interest. I personally plan to stop at 2. But I think I understand why some mothers are interested in continuing on. I think you are describing this worry that it will become a slippery slope. There are always exceptions to the rule and those rare people who will take things to the extreme. But I don’t believe that society overall will be nursing their children into their 20’s. lol It’s pretty impossible to force a child to nurse. If they don’t want to they will make you wish you hadn’t even asked. 😂

I hope my son when he’s in the school he’s comforted rather than being left on his own crying because he fall down and injured himself or because he was frustrated about something.
if I’m crying at work to the point others see me I hope they ask whether I’m ok.

Really? You think that you should only feed children nutritionally perfect food until they are old enough for junk food?

To me, if your periods have come back, absent (socially engineered!!) contraception, you'd have likely fallen pregnant again, which nearly always leads to weaning for many reasons (milk dries up, mother often finds it painful or unpleasant).

Tandem feeding (excluding multiple births) is not a thing in the natural world and is extremely rare among tribal people.

Our bodies are designed to lactate, experience a period of lactational amenorrhoea, then resume fertility at which point the first offspring generally weans. Milk output often falls dramatically when periods return too - so much so it can trigger self weaning (it did for my DC).

You do not get children in tribes feeding until they are 7, then their parents having 8 year gaps between children (following 9 month pregnancy). Gaps are much smaller - more like 3-4 years. Allowing for 9 month pregnancy, this implies children are breastfeeding until 2-3 at most.

Its not comparable to say that people dislike breastmilk but embrace a cup of cows milk. Its not the substance people are questioning, its the act of suckling orally at the breast primarily for comfort. Most people are saying they expect children to become much less reliant on that comfort (absent unusual) trauma by about age 3.

This is my honest opinions as someone who did extended BF until 2.5 and weaned for the reason below.

My logic is that I would not be too comfortable with my child having clear memories (later in life as an adult) of how it felt to drink milk out of my boobs or graphically sucking a nipple. This has absolutely nothing to do with sexuality but respecting the boundaries between two bodies. I feel a 4 year old is a separate person and I don't want to force my body parts into her mouth, or have her drink my bodily fluids, as much as it is a habit out of love.

I was BF (for 1 year) and I love my mum but idea of being able to remember how it felt like to drink milk from her boobs gives me a massive ick. I have plenty of clear memories from age 4, and even more age 5. Thankfully those are relatively normal memories of attending nursery, sharing snacks, travelling with my parents etc. I don't feel that remembering how it felt to suck milk out of human boobs is a very "normal" (purely statistically speaking) to have during your entire adult life.

Nobody can predict the relationship they will have with their adult children. There are thousands of things that can crop up down the line (obviously not all preventable through breast milk). Should there ever be problems, then the fact that they can remember nursing could easily be twisted as co-dependency or separation issues that stemmed from early childhood. As an adult you will not think it was so wonderful because of the "closeness and comfort", which is an immediate effect that happens now and will eventually forgotten. You are just left with the graphic memory of nursing which you need to somehow deal with.

Everybody doesn’t use other people for emotional regulation. Almost all children have to. I don’t think I know many adults who do.

Yes everybody does. You probably aren’t aware you are doing it, or you may not think about it in that way. You are literally doing it right now by posting on this thread.

I think it's because we teach children from a young age about boundaries. We teach them that adults can't touch the child's body in private areas etc. And we teach them that women's breasts are private spaces and they can't go around grabbing women's breasts, even if they like the feeling for comfort!! I have an autistic child who LOVED grabbing soft bouncy breast "pillows" so needed a lot of watching over to stop him grabbing strangers' breasts that looked inviting! 😅

I think that by the age of 2 or 3 encouraging a child to handle breasts - even with consent - blurs boundaries. I think there are more appropriate ways to provide maternal comfort.

But as I also said above, it is no one's business but your own what you choose to do.

I breastfed DS1 until 16 months. I wanted my body back and for me personally, I didn't like the idea of my son being able to actively ask me for milk with words/toddle over to me and pull my top down in public etc. It felt invasive. Stopping was relatively gentle and painless, and DS1 started reliably sleeping through the night around that time as well.

I'm currently breastfeeding DS2 who is 7 months. I was/am aiming to carry on until between 12 and 18 months. However, DS2 now has four teeth and is biting everything including my breasts during feeding. It really hurts. I'm still persevering with breastfeeding but when he bites I'm taking him off, and it doesn't seem like he's getting all the milk he needs from BFing because of that - he wasn't having as many wet nappies as before and he didn't seem satisfied after feeds. So he's also on three bottles of formula a day plus 3 little meals of solids. If he doesn't stop biting soon I think the breastfeeding will have to stop, as it's not really relaxing for either of us and nor is he getting much nutrition from it.

I don't really have an opinion on when other people should stop breastfeeding. I think it is individual and up to each mother and baby to kind of negotiate how and when they stop. Personally I have loved breastfeeding both of my DC, but I also don't think formula is the devil either.

don't feel that remembering how it felt to suck milk out of human boobs is a very "normal" (purely statistically speaking) to have during your entire adult life

But if you have that memory it might feel normal?

I think it’s more about the receptacle that the thread is about rather than its contents.

Then why not put the milk in a glass, unless you mean they’re literally being bf from a cow? Otherwise your comparison doesn’t make sense.

Are you purporting to know me better than I know myself? If so, there’s nothing credible in any of your contributions to this thread.

Are you purporting to know me better than I know myself? If so, there’s nothing credible in any of your contributions to this thread.

I don’t need to know you personally - I know about human psychology and we’re all quite similar.

I remember being breastfed (I was breastfed until I was 3 or so). It is not a graphic memory, just a neutral one. To me, the milk tasted like warm milk with honey.

Two years tops. Beyond that is for the mother’s benefit rather than the child’s imo.

My daughter is almost 4 and just this week has self weaned. My oldest self weaned at around 18 months.
Before I had kids I thought breastfeeding past the baby stage was just weird, but now, knowing the power it has to sooth, calm and heal i think it’s absolutely fine to keep going. I love seeing older children bf, but I think had mine kept going till 5 I would have weaned for selfish reasons as mine mainly used it to aid sleep or when poorly/upset, so meant they would hang off me so I’d want to help them find other ways to sooth, but I wouldn’t judge anyone who carried on if they’re happy to do so.

I guess I thought about 2 ish.

Having read the comprehensive post about primitive societies' habits, that lines up.

I suppose doing it past that at home/in bed etc is the mum's business and is understandable; they're still very young and need comfort. If they've breast fed all.along, that's a natural go to.

I think we as a society are just not used to seeing breast feeding (to some extent at all) but esp past baby age, so it's our norms and subsequent discomfort that is the issue.

Hi OP, my DD is now 4 & was obsessed with having breast milk. I was actually forced to stop before she turned 3 as unfortunately I developed cancer. Otherwise there is no doubt in my mind that she would still be going! I never expected to breastfeed for so long but it worked for us. In fact even though I no longer produce milk my DD still likes a cuddle with the ‘boobs.’ I have to say that I don’t tell people in real life as I have definitely felt judgement. But keep going as long as it works for you!

Hi OP, my DD is now 4 & was obsessed with having breast milk. I was actually forced to stop before she turned 3 as unfortunately I developed cancer. Otherwise there is no doubt in my mind that she would still be going! I never expected to breastfeed for so long but it worked for us. In fact even though I no longer produce milk my DD still likes a cuddle with the ‘boobs.’ I have to say that I don’t tell people in real life as I have definitely felt judgement. But keep going as long as it works for you!

Not coming down on you or anything. I think you have every right to feel the way you do and to draw boundaries based on that. But I guess from my perspective I remember taking baths with my mother and even though I would obviously never want to do that as an adult they are fond memories and not traumatizing at all. I think People can discern the difference that it was age appropriate. In japan for example it’s quite common to breastfeed for a long time. Those children remember breastfeeding when they become adults. They aren’t traumatized by it. But I respect your feelings and I’m glad that you weened if you weren’t comfortable with that idea.

The Oracle, eh? Let every other poster be on notice that you have arrived, you know about human psychology and you have The Answer.

Good grief, woman. A little self-awareness wouldn’t go amiss. Everyone has an opinion, some are similar, some aren’t. They’re opinions, by definition neither right nor wrong. Some may be based on mistruths (such as yours), but they’re still opinions personal to the poster. If there were a definitive, unarguable answer to the question the OP has asked (which was a request for opinions, not answers, as it happens) we wouldn’t be here.

In japan for example it’s quite common to breastfeed for a long time

this is very misleading, 90 % of women stop breastfeeding by the age of 2 in Japan, and public Breast feeding is not allowed, women have to go sit in the loo.

globally the average is about 4, but this takes into account 3rd world counties where poor sanitisation, nutrition and poverty is rife

so for example is nearly 100 percent of mothers breastfeeding in Senegal at a year, but less than 20 percent in Europe, with differing rates per country.

the uk is the lowest globally with 0.5 percent of women still breastfeeding ar the age of 1. So the British women on here are in a very small exclusive group. With the advances in nutrition, formula, working women, and the lack of any scientific evidence that after 6 months any health benefit is prevalent, then women are doing what’s right for their families,

women in Japan don’t feed for a long time, unless you class 2 years as a long time and in comparison the the west averages it could be argued it is.

Well where I am from I confess it is a long time because it is even debated whether one should breastfeed till 6 months sadly… 😅