Do you have any opinions on how long is 'too long' to breastfeed your child?

[elephantonacid]

Feeling awfully judged and wondering if anyone has an opinion on this?

Hmmm. It is a milk and is nutritious. Unless you have some research which I haven’t seen?

I stopped when DS turned 2, partly because I'm pregnant again and wanted time between weaning and the baby arriving so he doesn't feel pushed out.

I think that within reason it's about what's right for you and your child. I would find it strange to see a school aged child breastfeeding, but maybe that's my issue.

I know logically it doesn't matter as long as mum and child are happy and I would never outwardly voice my opinion to someone. But I do feel it's a bit weird. Mainly because people make such a song and dance about taking young children's comfort items away from the such as dummies and bottles (yes I know they damage teeth) that it feels quite hypocritical.

I was made to feel awful about my 3yo having a dummy despite the fact she had been traumatised by her own father from a young age. Yet if I was breastfeeding her, no one would dare say anything to me and it would be ok to comfort my child like that. That is my own issues though.

sucking it directly from the breasts

This is what breastfeeding involves.

You are not "breastFEEDING" though, you are "breastCOMFORTING". So all the people talking about the nutritional value of it, that has nothing to do with it in OPs case. She said it's for a few minutes every few days or weeks.

You asked everyone what THEY thought the age limit would be, what do YOU think it should be OP? If your child still asks at 5? 10? 15? will you be okay with it?

This, in my opinion. I'm definitely a breastfeeding advocate but watched my own mother breastfeed my siblings for longer than it benefited them. Weaning was a nightmare that she only undertook when there was no other choice. I have trauma from it, can only imagine what it was like for them.

I think the best approach is to look at the signs that they're ready to stop, don't offer it, let it gradually happen. For my DC1 that was 8 months but was mixing with bottle feeding from 6 months (expressed milk from 3 months) so it was easier. They were done with bottles from about 12 months. With dc2 I'd like to ebf up to whenever they're on solids.

I BF DS2 until he was 3. He named my boobs and would ask for them by name. Apparently one of them had chocolate milk.
By 3 he had full (advanced ) speech and was starting to spell simple words and recognise letters/ numbers. He was potty trained. He had teeth. (My point here is that bf-ing hadn't held him back in anyway. )

Hes 16 now. He remembers being fed. He remembers feeling safe and loved and comforted. He loves that I "played along" with his names and chocolate milk thing.

And if people think that's weird/wrong/creepy... who cares. He was happy. I was happy. It hasn't held him back in anyway.

And I'm not saying a non bf child can't also feel loved and safe and comforted. But just that my ds has positive memories of it.

I always remember watching a true to life film and seeing a boy of around 10 being breast feed, that to me was pushing it to the extreme in my mind.

The thing is though why is BFing babyish or infantilising? Who decided BF is only for babies? Only modern society, not biology. Don't you see that it is society that has made you feel the way you feel? If everyone BF their baby until they were 7 then you wouldn't feel like this because it would be seen as normal by everyone because that's what everyone does. But nowsociety has decided tits are for sex and so now there is something inherently wrong about anything other than a tiny baby BFing - and many people think even that's disgusting and shouldn't be done anywhere near other people.

It's all very depressing.

Where did I say people are demanding me to justify my decision? I was just thinking about it this morning and how if they thought it was weird when he was three, what the general consensus is for a 4yo. I've actually learnt a lot from this thread.

@elephantonacid interesting thread but I don’t see where you have answered your own question. What age do you think is too old for breast feeding and why?

I've not read all 10 pages, but someone must have posted the Mongolia article:

www.naturalchild.org/articles/guest/ruth_kamnitzer.html

Any thoughts you have about 'limits' are 100% culturally bound.

Interesting.
What makes it change from life giving nutrient dense milk that formula companies strive to match into ‘low value liquid’?
And when does this happen? At how many months PP does the nutrient value of this milk drop down?

When the child is old enough to talk about it they are probably too old

I agree. But few people will admit that. They would rather try to find other reasons as to why it's not acceptable after a certain age .

I don't think it is any of my business how a woman chooses to nurture her child.

My opinion is that natural weaning is the preferred way to BF.

[ponders whether I have time for all I want to say]
Both mine naturally weaned; DS1 at 3 and DS2 at 4. I went into motherhood very keen to BF, and with an open mind. I never for a moment thought I would do it for so long, I hadn't really thought about it tbh.
There were times when I wished I'd knocked it on the head at a year old.
There were times after that, that I just wished I was DONE.
But most of the time it was lovely, and I look back fondly (they are 23 and 13 now). Physically, naturally weaning meant I never knew when the last BF was - for a long time preceding they'd be nursing maybe only once every 3 or 4 days.
My body adjusted as it went along and I feel I gave my boys what they needed.

I was working full time for most of the time I was BF and it helped with my relationship with them I think. It's the one thing that only I could do and to reconnect in that way benefitted us.

After about 2 years old I didn't really tell people I was BF. They didn't need to know and I had a good network of supportive friends and family. I wasn't hiding it, but kind of got fed up of people trying to dump their own issues on me by saying e.g. "Oh you're so lucky you can BF, I had to give up after nnnn because of xyz", or "they don't really need it after n months". I could quickly tell if people were open minded and actually wanted to hear what my opinion was and was then happy to talk.

I do admit that I felt slightly uncomfortable thinking DS2 would start school before he weaned, not because I thought he was too old to BF, but because I didn't want him to possibly put himself at risk of teasing, if he told people he had Mummy Milk at bed time sometimes. In other cultures it would be fine, but I don't think many 4 year olds in the UK would understand, and the last thing I wanted was for my DS to think he was odd because of it. It was a non issue anyway, as he weaned about 6 months before school.

If I see a child of 3 or 4 BF I admit I look at them and think they look big, but honestly, when it was my child, snuggled up in bed at the end of the day it felt absolutely perfect.

I never had a negative comment about BF in public, only ever a few positive ones. I never had anything more than a blocked duct so I feel fortunate in that respect.

Having bf my DC to 6mo (their choice) and 2yo (their choice) I understand it as some children needing it in a way that others don’t.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with bf up to age 3-4yo (4yo is pushing it imo) or so, because babies and children develop at different rates. Some humans communicate in physical ways: some adults need hugs and cuddles and affection as emotional nourishment, some abhor it.

I think breastfeeding beyond the age it’s nutritionally necessary is about this (after all, a 3yo or 4yo who breastfeeds once every few days or weeks isn’t doing it for food, if there’s even any milk there). Some children can get their emotional needs satisfied through words and actions and their own reason/logic/stores. Some still need hugs/cuddles/breastfeeding.

Beyond 4yo, I think in the Western world where children are often in childcare settings and in any event interacting frequently with the outside world, they need to learn self-sustenance for emotional needs. It’s in their best interests. I think it is best for them to address with language and thoughts how to deal with unwanted or unpleasant or unhappy feelings and emotions. Hugs and cuddles for fun and because they’re cute and funny and cuddly are always welcome no matter the age - the key is dependency. Breastfeeding instead if tackling head on is dodging the issue.

Of course, just my opinion in the spirit of a thread asking for opinions, which I’ve taken at face value.

I could not breastfeed at all for either mine. (Well, I did not even bother trying for DS2 as the first time round nearly sent me loopy and just not even going there was a much better experience for me). So personally I have no experience but I would say as long as you wish to and feel comfortable doing. It's nobody's business but yours, and if anyone criticises you then they can boil their heads.

Why?

Does that apply to any other things too?;Or just breastfeeding?

The nutritional make up of milk changes when kids reach toddlerhood to specifically meet their needs. It's designed for toddlers. Any argument that says it's not natural or healthy for toddlers to breastfeed hasn't got a leg to stand on.

I think breastfeeding beyond the age it’s nutritionally necessary is about this (after all, a 3yo or 4yo who breastfeeds once every few days or weeks isn’t doing it for food, if there’s even any milk there)

But people feed their children all sorts of things that aren't "nutritionally neccesary" .

Thank you for sharing this!
I read this years ago when I was breastfeeding ds and loved it!
I lost it when I upgraded my phone and had forgotten what it was called.

To be fair, I'm not sure it's the milk itself that people have such an issue with, but the sucking it directly from the breasts
Oh you're right. That's the big objection. Most people who object to natural term weaning and insist it's weird/they're too old/shouldn't once they start speaking/it's just for the mum's benefit rarely admit that's their objection because they'd have to be honest and open about the fact they have a weird attitude to women's breasts.

Not really a fair comparison, unless you mean feeding directing from the cows nipples? 🤣
It is a fair comparison unless someone holds a weird view that women's breasts are primarily sexual.
Plenty do mind, and it's why they seem to have such a big issue with human boobs being used to feed human offspring the human milk that human boobs have evolved to do.