To send DS to school with a stab pack?

[PolkaDotMankini]

DS is in year 8 (ages 12-13) at senior school. It's a great school but DS has been caught up in a couple of fights this half term and I'm doing the classic mum worrying. After the first one I bought a couple of Israeli bandages. They're the type used for serious bleeding.

WIBU to send him on a first aid course and pack one of these bandages in his bag, just in case? DS thinks I'm being way OTT.

It's hard being a parent to a teen boy. There is a small but real risk of knife crime and OP, you've become quite sensitised to the possibility of your son becoming a victim.
It does sound as though your son is hanging around with a friend group who are going through a phase of threats and fighting. It's common at this age and yes, it does increase his odds of getting hurt. Even if he thinks of himself as the one who gets people out of fights, it's a short step away from protecting your mates, being part of a group, putting pressure on opponents, carrying 'something for self defence' and before you know it, being in the middle of a lethal situation.
Random attacks on strangers are extremely rare. Road accidents are a much bigger risk.
Usually those using weapons are known to the victim and there is a lead up on social media between antagonists. OP give your lad a serious talking-to about how he uses his phone. Sadly many incidents start with trivial jokes, gossip, misunderstanding or minor incidents where one party feels disrespected and looks for satisfaction through escalating it to physical attack.

I think giving him a wound dressing is actually increasing the likelihood of him getting involved in something risky, paradoxically.

And that's before you even get to things like having to stay close to elderly parents you care for, or family that provide childcare

Yes, if I had to.

Yes, life is always this simple

Some people are genuinely trapped by housing.

It might not be easy but I 'm sure it's not impossible. I would go and live in a caravan if it lessened the likelihood of my child being stabbed.

FFS, learn a little bit about life outside your own bubble @CoastalWave

It is not about nice lifestyles, what a fool you sound.

Would you? You would impoverish your family for certain to remove a small but very serious statistical risk?

Presumably you think all the people whose children are stabbed are feckless then

If I was concerned that DS was getting into a bad crowd then we'd move. We're in the fortunate position of that being a possibility open to us. I'm not particularly worried about that though. I've known his close friends since they were all at nursery together, am friends with their parents, they all play in the same football team etc. They're good kids and more interested in football and doing well at school than gangs (at least for now). It's some of the older kids who worry me. Yesterday's incident involved two older boys calling his dark-skinned friend a racist name and strangling the friend when he objected. DS pulled them off and got thrown to the floor (he's the shortest in his year and had no idea what he's doing in a fight!).

However, that also means that I care about these boys. I'd prefer to spend my money on bringing first aid and self-defence providers into their school so that they can all benefit than on moving DS out. If it makes any child at that school think twice about violence or know what to do in the worst scenario then it makes my son safer.

Not always easy to come by caravans and if you can there's still the cost factor. Park homes don't hire out for the whole year.

As I said, in some cases- for some people- it's impossible no matter how admirable the sentiment.

And yet you don't have to. People are so much better at taking really drastic action in hypothetical situations. Have you considered living in a caravan over winter might cause other problems? Finding a place where a permanent caravan is allowed would be your first problem.

@PolkaDotMankini I think if you have the option to move then you are doing the wrong thing by your child in staying.

I reject entirely the idea that anyone can upa and move - but if you can, I do not understand why you continue to put your child in this situation.

I mean, if it were that easy to move no one would ever stay living in a deprived area or where their abusers are nearby!

Normally I'd agree but he could be waiting hours for an ambulance at the moment so that would be a bit of a worry.

Knife crime also happens in nice areas, so moving wouldn’t necessarily help. Also if you live in a ‘nice’ area you’re probably more at risk of being mugged/burgled etc so those saying just move, that won’t solve the issue with crime…..

We could move, but it's a bit drastic: pull two DC out of the friendship groups they've known all their lives and take on debt to the tune of hundreds of thousands of pounds to move somewhere we don't know is going to be any better. Our town is relatively cheap, housing-wise, so we'd be moving from an ok area with the best school to an area we don't know at all, that might be even worse. The only way I see that helping is if either DC was getting into a bad crowd.

Just to add. The nice areas where I live have issues with guns and stabbing, especially the town centre. One lad was also stabbed outside of a school (which admittedly is not in a nice area), however I know someone who has a teen boy and does live in a ‘nice’ area who is being targeted by teens that carry knives, as it’s seems to be a thing that teens carry knives.

I think you might have become inured to your situation. You are considering providing bandages in case your child is stabbed.

I live in a place where I am very confident my children are safe (apart from cars, of course, the eternal menace in every area) - this is the biggest privilege IMO.

I don't think it is easy for eveyone to move, many people can not, but I do think it is strange to be able to and not do it, given what you posted.

Reading some of the posts a lot of people seem to live in bubbles. Knife crime is a real issue at the moment, and isn’t just an issue in poor/bad areas.

For those saying they would move, or glad they live in a 'nice' area, you do realise these ares maybe rife with county lines. We live in a town that probably fits the nice bill. If I wasn't involved with schools I probably wouldn't know that there is a huge issue with county lines. With drugs there is a likelihood of knives. There have been no knife incidents here yet but I would never think it wasn't a possibility

Someone upthread has already mentioned the citizen aid app. Please do load it on your phones. It is a wonderful guide to how to keep people alive in all sorts of different first aid crisis.

www.citizenaid.org

I think some of the more drastic suggestions on here have actually really helped me to reflect on the real level of risk. As I'm not willing to uproot the family or plunge us all into poverty, I'm clearly not as worried as I thought I was.

There are also some sensible things I can do that have come out of this thread that will actually help.

Definitely move schools if it’s that bad. I mean, being careful is fine but that’s ridiculous. What’s next, are you going to get him a firearm?

Can I just say you sound like such a good person, I can't believe how many on here are advocating purely individualist 'solutions' with no thought for the other children in these situations, the other good things about the children's lives (including life long friendships and connections, etc.), other links to community. Society never improves if the automatic solution is to just yank ourselves away from situations which aren't completely of our liking, we have to try and fight to make things better where we are.

You did get that not everyone has the financial resources to buy their way out of the shit things that happen in their life?

Lots of us just have to adapt as best we can.

I live in a place where I am very confident my children are safe (apart from cars, of course

Personally I'm glad to live in a city where my son never has to be driven anywhere. Why is everyone freaking about the extremely remote chance of being stabbed when it's much more dangerous (statistically) to be spending so much time in cars? I'm pretty sure more kids are killed and injured in car accidents every year than stabbed.

Bad things can happen everywhere, you can live in your wholesome rural safe place and your child can still be killed by a car or get addicted to drugs or be sexually assaulted. All of those things are far more likely than being stabbed.