Aibu to think that 36 is still relatively young to have a child?

[Hdaniels11]

I have a Dd who's 9 and a Ds who's 6 and i'm thinking of having another baby. I'm 36 now and was amazed when i find out once you turn 34 you are classed as a geriatric mother! I always thought 25-38 was the prime time to have babies. Aibu to think you shouldn't be classed as an older mother until you are in your 40s?

Well yes, that’s the point. I wasn’t suggesting we should all listen to Kirsty Allsop. She has no medical expertise.

36 + 10 = 46 which is nearly 50, yes!

I can’t believe people on here honestly think it’s young. You’re eggs are aging all the time and even if it a sliding scale - yes it does look like a cliff edge when you compare 36 to 26. No one’s saying it can’t happen or isn’t normal. Of course you can have kids then. But biologically it’s not ‘young’.

That's crazy. I know plenty of women I their forties who got pregnant! I can think of two women in the last year, each of whom had a surprise third. I saw them with their big bumps. I'm 40 and have a 9 month old baby who was conceived very easily. The woman on the bed next to me in the maternity ward was 40. In my small team, 4 of had babies in their 40s. My aunt had her last child in her 40s. I find it really funny when people think that women getting pregnant in their 40s is some kind of myth. Definitely know that fertility declines after 40 but it's not a total impossibility or even a weird anomaly. Up until the menopause, women can get pregnant!

IMO 36 is quite young health wise etc., but in terms of having a baby, no.

Mumsnet can't seem to make it's mind up.
'You can get pregnant every time you have sex, even if you're on the pill and use a condom!' or 'Women over 40 are too old to conceive'.

Which is it! Cus I'd love to drop the contraception 😂

I know that I will most likely get pregnant if I use the withdrawal method, or even if I just a condom by itself, regardless of my age, but if I try to conceive after 40 it won't happen. Got it!

Yep I also know lots of women over 40 who’ve had babies! Must be very area dependant.

Well, they would. Because, you know, statistics.

Based on the statistics, 36 isn't "relatively young". Something about this thread has obviously struck a nerve!

All the Mums I know who conceived over 40 did so immediately within 1st month of ttc. I was the only mug who ttc at 29, was infertile and so it took me 10 years to ttc with ivf. All of my other friends and family had kids naturally whenever they wanted them. At my fertility clinic they even said that’s unfortunately write - while age related infertility is real, it affects women who already have problems in a far harsher way than healthy women, and most women of childbearing age are healthy.

This is why anecdotal evidence doesn't work and you need actual statistics otherwise 2 wildly differing views both think they are correct from their own experience. Fertility definitely does decrease with age but some people are luckier or unluckier than others.

@PurpleButterflyWings I think you must be quite old if this is your experience. Plenty of mums with young children in their 40s in the UK now.

I’ve categorised to only 3 groups rather than 6 so essentially they’re fairly similar to the stats….under 25 is young, 25-35 around about average (give or take- obvs those 25-30 fall slightly below average, those 32-35 slightly above), over 35 is older 🤷‍♀️

It’s not particularly young to have a baby at 35, but still totally doable.
My youngest were born when I was 39 & 40. I coped ok but life got tremendously challenging at 50 when I had menopause symptoms, my parents needed extra help, the DC did lots of different activities & working every day My DC was working incredibly long hours & did his best. I’d say say certainly don’t leave another baby much later than 35.

I had my first and only at 36, 30 years ago. I was definitely classed as old at that time for a first time mum, everyone else in the maternity ward was either under 25 or on their 2nd or 3rd baby. Now I would say 35 is normal even for a first time mum.

I agree with the poster who said it's more normal to come across older first time mums in more affluent areas. University then career means having babies get pushed further back. Which probably indicates why thought differ so much on this it really depends on your social circle or local demographic. Where I live 36 for a third baby would actually be on the younger side of normal. 33/34 seems to be around average for first baby here.

Thank you for sharing your lovely story. Age doesn’t matter if you are biologically able to carry a child and it has obviously turned out great for you. Older Mum’s are fabulous!

My mum was classed as Geriatric at 27 in the late seventies. 36 is definitely old but not for a 3rd as others have said.

36 is definitely not young to have a child. Our bodies are in their biological prime for fertility between mid 20's to early 30's - average 30.5 years. Anything older than 34 is from a biological view point 'older'. Doesn't mean its an issue though.

Times have changed when I had my first child 30 years ago 28 was a geriatric mother

I had my first at 19, I was classed as a young mum. I then went on to have one at 37 and another at 39 I was never made to feel geriatric or otherwise. My midwife said I was one of her ‘younger’ older mums.
my pregnancy with my first wasnt great and labour was long ish. Fast forward to my last two and the pregnancies were great and labours were amazing 2hrs and 1hr in labour. Yes there’s risks but there’s risks with everything.

I had my first at 21 and last at 31. I was more mentally and physically prepared for the last one than the first

My Mum was 37 when I was born. I am now dealing with a mother who is nearly 92 years old. She’s always been old. Even when I was a teenager she was old. Now I am old too.

That’s not true it’s 39 bordering on 40 that’s classed as that. I only say this as I had mine when I was 37 but went to all my appointments aged 36 and I asked the midwife who said oh not yet. Because I thought I’d have extra checkups/ scans which wasn’t the case.

I'm 26 with a 14 month old and don't plan on having another baby until he's in school so I'll be in my early 30's when we start trying 🤷‍♀️ If we were to have a third the age gap would have to be similar 🤷‍♀️

I had my one and only at 36 and I thought it was young then and still do. He's 25 now.

I feel so many posters on this thread are on another (dinosaur) planet! In my circles/demographic (posh, highly educated - hard to say that without sounding like a twat but there you go) it’s pretty normal for women to have 1st/2nd babies at 36, let alone thirds… and some of the dads waaaay older.

Isn’t it common knowledge now that a lot of the stuff about fertility “dropping off a cliff” at 35 is just nasty nonsense - it’s far more nuanced than that and plenty of women are very fertile in their late thirties.

I kind of loathe the judgey, misogynistic undertone of lots of these replies.

My mum was 40 when I was born. She was enormous fun, a great mum and far more youthful in her outlook (and actually appearance) than many younger mothers. She was my best friend and I miss her very much. I wish like fuck I still had to ‘deal with her’ at nearly 92.

My aunt is nearly 88 and still worked up until Covid, was leading long haul tours well into her late 70s. She’s getting on a 5 hour flight to come stay with us for Christmas and doesn’t think anything of it. She directs amateur dramatic productions, sings in a choir, is completing a music theory course etc etc etc.

These things are down to individual personality and outlook (plus health/ circumstances) more than they are age.

I did lose my mum at a comparatively younger age and would very much like to be around for my daughter for longer, but I’d still pick her a million times and don’t for a second regret having ‘an older mum’.

I would have liked to have had children younger but life and fertility didn’t work out the way I would have liked. Those who were able to have children within the narrow window that mumsnet deems acceptable should consider themselves lucky.