Boyfriend keeps talking about being good

[Sallyshillyshallydilly]

Just a silly turn of phrase I think - he’s never made me feel infantilised or similar in daily life.

sometimes if I ask him for something or suggest we should do something he’ll make a comment like “if you’re good” with a playful emoji. Or will say “don’t be naughty”…

Context is that in real life he’s respectful and kind etc etc, we definitely are equals and he’s never given me any reason not to think this - it is a new relationship though of 2 months. It’s absolutely not a bdsm or control / power thing. Lol.

Would anyone be troubled by this or just a silly / flirty joke over message? Just musing.

Red flag for me would be the checking to make sure all is well, when you are out

I too thought it was kind and caring in a new relationship, sadly it was the start of extreme coercive control. I was so flattered that he cared so much, but sadly was nothing of the kind

Maybe your new boyfriend is being kind and caring and that would be wonderful, please just be careful x

How would he react if you did it back? If you said “that’s a good boy” if he did something you liked?

I think his reaction might tell you whether he’s doing it bc he thinks it’s funny/flirty or if it’s his way of trying to assert authority over you.

I would do it back and gauge his reaction. Whilst it's possible he does it to be flirty or funny, in reality I find that pretty cringe. Even more so if he isn't even like that in person. I hate it when people are two different people in person and via technology.

My DH of 20 years had some funny little quirks like this when I met him but he dropped them when he realised I didn't respond on that level. I had forgotten them until I read your OP actually.

I think this is right.

Whether innocently meant or not, it would really annoy me.

I would also be alert to other possible red flags as a pp has said.

Sounds like he's just attempting to flirt (although in a mega cringy way).

Doesn't sound like anything to worry about though.

It’s a bit icky. A bit “creepy old man trying to flirt”. But if he’s OK in real life, just don’t engage with the crap texting.

In his head he probably sounds like Connery era James Bond, bless

This

My fanny would seal closed

“if you’re good” with a playful emoji. Or will say “don’t be naughty”…

Is he 12?

Find a man not a boy.

Mmm, you might find out he's into spanking and he's testing the ground.

Tell him you don't like it.

Surely then he'd be telling her she's bad?

It obviously bothers you to some extent or else why post? Just tell him to stop it.

It would absolutely give me the ick

Ducks. Row. Now.

I wouldn't be keen on this

I think he wants you to ask what happens if you’re naughty, he’s probably into spanking or similar 🙄

Just tell him that it’s beginning to get on your nerves and isn’t attractive to you.

Is it a red flag? Not particularly for abuse but it is possibly a warning that he’s got a bit of a superiority complex / is a dick.

Bit off putting to be honest. He might end up being someone that has a ‘cheeky’ drink or says you’re being good if you eschew cake.

I wouldn’t like it to be honest bit cringey to me

Ducks. Row. Now.
Blimey, there not that many ducks to sort out. She’s only been with him two months!
it may be easy to text back ‘ what the hell are you going on about? Good? I’m not 5 !”

It's horrible.

I had an ex who would give me " points" and " black marks" for my behaviour.