Boyfriend keeps talking about being good

[Sallyshillyshallydilly]

Just a silly turn of phrase I think - he’s never made me feel infantilised or similar in daily life.

sometimes if I ask him for something or suggest we should do something he’ll make a comment like “if you’re good” with a playful emoji. Or will say “don’t be naughty”…

Context is that in real life he’s respectful and kind etc etc, we definitely are equals and he’s never given me any reason not to think this - it is a new relationship though of 2 months. It’s absolutely not a bdsm or control / power thing. Lol.

Would anyone be troubled by this or just a silly / flirty joke over message? Just musing.

It doesn't sound like anything. It's just playful cheekiness, no? I sometimes call my DP a "cheeky boy" in text. He's not a boy. He's in his 40s. He has called me a "brat". We have the same sense of humour, though, so it doesn't mean anything dodgy to us. But only you can say if you're getting an undercurrent or vibe from it.

It would creep me out, but I wouldn’t think he meant to.

I would tell him not to do it, and pull him up
if he does. It’s not cute (unless you’re into that).

It might be just some attempt at naughty teasing but I had a similar experience with an ex. It was almost like he was grooming me with the teasing because after we moved in together (waaaaay too soon) it escalated slowly to me constantly feeling like the "bad" or "naughty" one while he was in some power role, constantly telling me what to do and how to do it.

This might not be the same but I got a bad feeling reading your post. Listen to your gut

My boyfriend and I say this to each other... It's just playful flirting but if you don't like it then tell him. If it's turning you off it's obviously not in his interest to keep using it is it.

The fact that you have brought it up suggests it bothers you - or at the very least, niggles. Put a stop to it right away. Say something like "You're not my Dad!" or "Who made you the arbiter of all things good? Anything, actually, to shut him off.

You know something doesn't feel quite right, it's not just the messages. Be wary about the texts whilst you're out, as they may become more frequent and more who are you talking to etc.

Exactly. It sounds like one of those mildly pervy 1950s Christmas cards of Mommy kissing Santa Claus to get on the ‘good children’ list. It would make my vagina clamp shut at approximately the speed of light.

This is the sort of 'trying to be flirty' my DP would do and he is not in anyway using it in any unsavoury way.

Completely normal and flirtatious. Not creepy, not icky and definitely not any shade of red flag.

If you don't like it then tell him. Don't ask on here, where all men are arseholes for breathing.

It would give me the ick, I think.

It could be gentle teasing, surely, or something much worse- like 'deserving' whatever he has in mind.

Are you both quite young?
He sounds a little immature and insecure.

I would find those comments very patronising and belittling and incredibly toe curling. I think I would be very blunt about it.

This. Especially the final paragraph!

flirting though tell him you prefer something else...

I’m with the other posters who think that they may be an issue of control because your spidey sense has alerted you to the fact that there might be. I am guessing there are other things too that might be subconsciously bothering you, but which you haven’t voiced or actively noticed. I’d say it’s something for you to be aware of and to actively keep in mind and if there are other factors that make you feel uncomfortable, please trust your judgment (or come back to the hive mind).

Ltb

It emphasises an unequal parent-child power dynamic that puts you in your place.

Clumsy at best (can he be so clueless) or sinister and working his way up to tearing down your self-esteem at worst.

The real question is: given you don't like it, do you feel OK talking to him about it and asking him to stop?

It doesn't sound like it indicates a problems if all else is fine; if it keeps going and bothers you, can you maybe find a way of saying 'Look, I know it's just a phrase but the "good/naughty" thing sort of gives me the ick' or maybe easier to make it a joke and say 'I know you don't mean it that way but you talking about being good or naughty like that gives me daddy fetish vibes and that's kind of offputting!'

I think it's his attempt at being flirty. If he's otherwise not controlling or disrespectful, I think it just seems flirty.

If you don't like it, tell him. It might not occur to him that what he thinks his nice flirting is something you don't like.

@Sallyshillyshallydilly

How old are you about 15!?!?!

It's pathetic and would drive me insane

I'm with both of these PP's. I find it embarrassing and infantilising and it would irritate me. It's true he might be doing it because he thinks it's flirtatious and "fun" and that you're enjoying it - in which case if you don't like it he's certainly going to stop if you let him know that you're not into it. Whereas if it's the earliest signs of a controlling dynamic you will probably get a sense of that from his reaction if you ask him to stop.

To me it sounds like he’s being cheeky / suggestive. That’s the way I’d interpret it anyway

You'll get your answer by telling him you don't like it. If he listens to you and stops, then he's a good 'un. If he reacts badly or insists on continuing, then not so much.

It would be a total turn off to me!

Bring it up sooner rather than later if you don't like it...as PPs say his response to this will be the telling thing