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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"A little girl being rough with her hands"

113 replies

Jourdain11 · 22/11/2022 19:34

DC's primary gave them the option to watch the football yesterday and both my DD2 (year 5) and DS did. The ones who didn't want to watch (like my DD1!) got to read or watch st

OP posts:
wishing3 · 22/11/2022 20:38

I’d complain. This TA needs to be educated about saying things like this.

User135792468 · 22/11/2022 20:38

ThanksAntsThants · 22/11/2022 20:24

so your DD was on the receiving end of sexist and homophobic bullying from the boy, then sexism from the teacher, and you’re not going to say anything? Why not?

Oh give over! That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve read today. Get a grip! I really hope you don’t have a daughter. Girls are strong, intelligent and capable, not victims. I bet you wouldn’t classify the argument with that terminology if she’d had a row with a girl. These are children we are talking about, not adults.

oujiawoowoo2 · 22/11/2022 20:42

I would definitely be taking this up with the school and I’m as laidback as they come.

Sexism has no place in schools nowadays and you should teach your dd that by making a complaint about this person.

Original poster
Jourdain11 · 22/11/2022 20:43

User135792468 · 22/11/2022 20:34

This is a spat between two 10 year olds. You clearly say that they have an argument regularly, so I’m guessing he said that to get a rise out of her. Instead of demonising the boy, remember that they are children. She shouldn’t be physical with him either - she could have easily told an adult. She chose not to. You don’t know how aggressive she was being when the TA stepped in. It’s an odd comment about little girls, but let’s not pretend that your child is some angel being bullied by a big, bad boy. Boys are knobs at times and girls are knobs at times. I’m sick of boys being vilified by parents of girls because their precious princess can do no wrong.

I actually didn't call it bullying and I don't think she is a victim at all. From what I know, they wind each other up (and probably enjoy it a fair bit) and occasionally one of them goes too far trying to get a rise.

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 22/11/2022 20:44

It needs to be complained about, both the boy’s and TA’s comments. Schools are meant to be cracking down on this no matter what age the child, and should be recorded as homophobic bullying. The TA also needs to be educated

ErrolTheDragon · 22/11/2022 20:44

Girls are strong, intelligent and capable, not victims. I bet you wouldn’t classify the argument with that terminology if she’d had a row with a girl.

That would depend what the row was about, wouldn't it?
The OPs DD certainly sounds strong, and not a 'victim' but she was on the receiving end of sexist and homophobic remarks.

Anyway ... I think it should be 'thick as soup' not 'dumb as soup'. Like mince but gloopier.

DontSpeakLatinInFrontOfTheBooks · 22/11/2022 20:44

I’d be saying something at school about it. About the sexism from the TA, the fact the TA didn’t step in long before your daughter slapped the other kid in retaliation and also because they need to stamp out things like “lesbian” as an insult straight away and sexism in general.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 22/11/2022 20:45

Tell your dd to knee the little twat where it hurts next time

sick of these little brats getting away with everything at school

‘dumb as soup’ is a brilliant expression btw

toomuchlaundry · 22/11/2022 20:45

@User135792468 schools are meant to be teaching children these types of comments are not acceptable either from a boy or a girl.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 22/11/2022 20:46

@User135792468 you sound like one of those highly irritating ‘boy mamas’ who think all girls are horrid and who’s little darling boy can do no wrong

ldontWanna · 22/11/2022 20:49

I'd mention it to the teacher, not in a complaint sort of way. I have also at times said things that were wrong or taken the wrong way. If i fucked up(I'm only human), I have a chat with the child,clarify and apologise. It's not the end of the world, and it helps to strengthen relationships/build trust.
YANBU to dislike the comment OP.

oujiawoowoo2 · 22/11/2022 20:49

User135792468

Where exactly did OP demonise the boy? From what I read the OP was annoyed about what the TA said and was very pragmatic about the boys behaviour.

Why are you getting so defensive, was it your son? 😂

NancyJoan · 22/11/2022 20:53

I think the teacher and TA will say that they may well have said 'it's not nice to see a little boy being rough with their hands'.

But they didn’t. Nothing was said or done about the boy elbowing her, and one she slapped him for it, it was the girl who was told off.

User135792468 · 22/11/2022 20:56

ErrolTheDragon · 22/11/2022 20:44

Girls are strong, intelligent and capable, not victims. I bet you wouldn’t classify the argument with that terminology if she’d had a row with a girl.

That would depend what the row was about, wouldn't it?
The OPs DD certainly sounds strong, and not a 'victim' but she was on the receiving end of sexist and homophobic remarks.

Anyway ... I think it should be 'thick as soup' not 'dumb as soup'. Like mince but gloopier.

I really don’t think it would depend on what the argument was about.

If Op had posted “dd was watching football and another girl in her class said that football was just for girls. When dd disagreed, she was called a lesbian and they started elbowing each other etc etc.”, I can 100% guarantee that people wouldn’t be posting that the other girl is a sexist and homophobic bully and that they are going to storm up to the school.

This type of language is unacceptable and should be dealt with and all children educated. I just don’t the response should be different because of the sex of the child making the comments when we are talking about 10 year old primary school children.

pleasehelpwi3 · 22/11/2022 20:56

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 22/11/2022 20:08

Yes that's awful. But it's also awful that the little boy was being sexist and homophobic. I'd make the school aware that a boy was using lesbian as an insult., that's an example of homophobic bullying that ofsted are massively cracking down on

Yes...and no. I teach children this age. A lot of the times when children this age use 'gay' as an insult, it's not because they are homophobic, it's because they have heard the term elsewhere and they don't quite understand what's so bad about using it as an insult. When pointed out to them, they are mortified.
The whole situation as described though should be discussed with the school. 90% of the TAs I've worked with are brilliant, 10% are not, and they can sometimes complicate things, and midday supervisors as well.

User135792468 · 22/11/2022 20:57

Blueeyedgirl21 · 22/11/2022 20:46

@User135792468 you sound like one of those highly irritating ‘boy mamas’ who think all girls are horrid and who’s little darling boy can do no wrong

Absolutely not 😂. Sorry to disappoint… mum of both here.

User135792468 · 22/11/2022 20:58

oujiawoowoo2 · 22/11/2022 20:49

User135792468

Where exactly did OP demonise the boy? From what I read the OP was annoyed about what the TA said and was very pragmatic about the boys behaviour.

Why are you getting so defensive, was it your son? 😂

Maybe my post was unfairly aimed at the Op… I think it was more in response to the replies the Op was getting.

bewarethetides · 22/11/2022 21:00

BeardieWeirdie · 22/11/2022 19:48

I’d complain that 1) they’d fail to notice the boy’s sex-based bullying of your daughter and subsequent physical violence and 2) the disgraceful sexist comment from the member of staff. I tell my daughter that she’s not to hit anyone first, but if they hit her she is absolutely right to thump them back (and any pathetic nicey-nicey-gentle-hands teachers can take it up with me if they object).

Exactly this.

Please send an email documenting your concerns.

FlissyPaps · 22/11/2022 21:02

I can only imagine what type of closed-minded household that young boy comes from. Because sexist ideas and homophobia are learned.

The TA was being sexist too. Instead of berating your daughter she should have separated both children and told them it’s wrong to use language like that and elbow (to the boy) and it’s wrong to call someone dumb and slap them (your DD). Though I am glad your DD stuck up for herself! Hopefully the boy will think twice before doing it again.

bewarethetides · 22/11/2022 21:03

Yes...and no. I teach children this age. A lot of the times when children this age use 'gay' as an insult, it's not because they are homophobic, it's because they have heard the term elsewhere and they don't quite understand what's so bad about using it as an insult. When pointed out to them, they are mortified.

I teach children this age, too. I've yet to meet a Year 5 child who didn't know what 'lesbian' meant. They're not mortified because they didn't know; they're mortified because they've been caught out and are trying not to get into trouble.

He knew exactly what he was saying here. And it needs to be reported.

User135792468 · 22/11/2022 21:03

Jourdain11 · 22/11/2022 20:43

I actually didn't call it bullying and I don't think she is a victim at all. From what I know, they wind each other up (and probably enjoy it a fair bit) and occasionally one of them goes too far trying to get a rise.

Show quote history

As I said just now in response to another poster, I was unfair in directing my post at you. It was more at all of the other posters vilifying a child just because he’s a boy. I genuinely think your responses would have been different if you had said that the other child was a girl. Instead you’d have been the told “that’s good your dd stuck up for herself, she can play / enjoy what she wants and the other girl can enjoy what she wants. It’s the 21st century, we have the power of choice! Oh and maybe speak to the school as it’s not very nice language to use so they can remind everyone that football is for everyone!”.

At the end of the day, I think it’s great your dd stuck up for herself and gave him a good shove. The Ta shouldn’t be using language like that either. I also don’t think that this other child is a demon who will batter his wife in 20 years as he’s showed early signs of being a sexist, homophobic pig.

keeprunning55 · 22/11/2022 21:05

Some TA’s are great-others are not. Remember they are paid minimum wage & in the school where I work, most are not well educated. My current TA is a huge supporter of Trump & can barely string a sentence together. He’s great with the football club though & the children love him.

FlissyPaps · 22/11/2022 21:07

keeprunning55 · 22/11/2022 21:05

Some TA’s are great-others are not. Remember they are paid minimum wage & in the school where I work, most are not well educated. My current TA is a huge supporter of Trump & can barely string a sentence together. He’s great with the football club though & the children love him.

Just because they’re paid minimum wage and can not be well educated that is not OP’s problem
or the children’s problem. The TA was clearly out of line and has no excuse.

pleasehelpwi3 · 22/11/2022 21:07

bewarethetides · 22/11/2022 21:03

Yes...and no. I teach children this age. A lot of the times when children this age use 'gay' as an insult, it's not because they are homophobic, it's because they have heard the term elsewhere and they don't quite understand what's so bad about using it as an insult. When pointed out to them, they are mortified.

I teach children this age, too. I've yet to meet a Year 5 child who didn't know what 'lesbian' meant. They're not mortified because they didn't know; they're mortified because they've been caught out and are trying not to get into trouble.

He knew exactly what he was saying here. And it needs to be reported.

We'll have to agree to disagree. I'm no fool and I can judge children quite well! Yes some hate getting caught, but also many don't understand the full meaning of the word and why it's inappropriate to use as an insult.

I'd record it on safeguard, but I wouldn't automatically hit the 'homophobic bullying' box, it would depend on circumstances.

Itsokay2020 · 22/11/2022 21:12

I think misogyny in schools is worse than ever. The hatred towards girls is awful; for example Andrew Tate and the incel community are a huge cause for concern and Ofsted are showing great interest in this in the guise of child on child abuse. My advice is for all parents to report, report, report whilst building resilience, self esteem and confidence amongst our daughters.

But, ultimately, parents have a HUGE part to play in this, both male and female. But this is a huge topic, and massively subjective, but kindness and respect must prevail, whilst accepting our differences.