Views on sleepovers?

[Tttnn5]

Is the general consensus now that children don’t sleepover in others houses (except maybe close family like grandparents).
I am not planning on allowing my young children to sleepover anywhere except their grandparents and possibly their aunts house but I wonder when that view started to change?
thinking back now I was never allowed any sleepovers but I know all my friends were

@HeraldicBlazoning

Yes you do need to keep that in check when you work in the field but at the same time you cannot unsee what you see on a daily basis. Residential school trips mine have always went to them. I think school culture counts too as it’s just not a thing in my kids school. I am sure if it was then I may think differently as I wouldn’t have wanted my kids to have felt different.

It’s just not a thing though in my kids school and I’ve had this discussion with my friends whereby sleepovers don’t really happen for their kids either. For me it’s a bonus as I wasn’t comfortable with the thought of them but on reflection it’s because many of the parents at my kids school just don’t know each other very well. I am sure that makes all the difference.

DT’s did camps, school residentials and millions of sleepovers- not with family as they don’t live in the same country. It’s a happy part of their childhood.

I agree with this my ds friend was only 6 when he came to sleep in our tent in the garden, they had great fun. Gives them independence, lets them see that other families fo things differently and most of all is fun. I'd hate to be a child of some mumsnetters, it's so stifling.

DD was 4 the first time. We knew the parents since she started nursery at 9 month. She was already at their house without us (playdates while we worked) and for us the important bit was that she felt she could talk to the parents if there was anything. This friend and her are in and out each others houses all the time for staying over.

Sleepovers were very popular when the girls were 7-10 but we kept numbers to 3-4 and all girls knew us beforehand from playdates/days out and the same when DD stayed over somewhere else.

School residentials started with one night in Y4, 3 nights in Y5 and 4 nights in Y6 plus Scout camps (single sex tent/dorm but mixed sex groups) when she was 10.

In secondary she stayed at one friend's house apprx once a year, mostly at the girl's birthday party.

We don't have family around so having a couple of friends DD and we felt comfortable with helped a lot when we had something going on or there was an emergency.

It's important to teach your child to be confident enough to talk to the hosts and not be afraid for talking to us if something went wrong.

I'm interested in links to back this up too.
I thought abuse happened more within families than at friends' houses.

Gosh, I started going to sleepovers around age 6 or 7, had them at my house too.

My oldest is just two so not relevant to them yet but I really hope the sleepover isn't dying out. They were such fun and I always assumed my kids would get to enjoy them too.

Depends on who/where. My youngest is 8 and has stayed with family and also with my best friend and her kids, likewise they have stayed with us. Elder one has had sleepovers with friends but all families we know well. There's always a 'risk' OP. From teachers, youth group leaders, even from family I'm afraid. You can't wrap them in cotton wool. Use your judgement on a case by case basis rather than saying no all the time.

Most recently I have read research by Beth Robinson, a licensed professional counselor who specialises in counseling children who have suffered sexual abuse. Obviously there are lots of risk factors for sexual abuse but she does discuss the heightened risk factors associated with sleepovers.

Most recently I have read research by Beth Robinson, a licensed professional counselor who specialises in counseling children who have suffered sexual abuse. Obviously there are lots of risk factors for sexual abuse but she does discuss the heightened risk factors associated with sleepovers.

@Gistbury is that a book or paper? I’d be interested in having a look

Actually, the single best thing you can do to keep your child as safe as possible is to have an open honest relationship with them where they 100% will tell you whatever is worrying them. Of course, telling you about it afterwards won't take it away but it's much less likely to happen in the first place. Paedophiles tend to know who to target and kids who have open relationships with their parents don't make great targets.

My kids do sleepovers. My eldest stopped out first time at 8 weeks old with my DPs parents. They stop regularly with family. They also have friends over and vice versa.

@DontMakeMeShushYou did I say that you shouldn’t have an honest relationship with your child? Of course you should but why not also keep your child from being in a situation overnight with people you don’t and can’t know the intentions of. You can do both.

I said no to a sleepover invite when my DD was 6 because I thought she was too young. She was very upset with me so when she was next invited to one at age 7 I said yes. I was very nervous and only knew the parents vaguely from the school run. I barely slept and was so worried the whole time she was away. She, on the other hand, had the best time and has been to loads since and had a great time and I’ve chilled out a bit!

Sleepovers are still the most popular birthday party choice here.

How sad to deprive children of normal social activity. And why would family members be any safer? I assume people do know that abuse happens within families too! Is this apparently popular attitude about sleepovers one of the many reasons why children are growing up scared of so many things and lacking resilience? Depressing!

Huh?

I think you will find that CSE is much more common within the family/extended family.

7 dc/sdc for 2 decades. We have had and they have been in more sleepovers from about age 8.

It's very sad you feel like this OP it's one more freedom and joy of childhood being eroded by misplaced parental anxiety.

Honestly other than going to their grandparents house for sleepovers (and they only ever stayed at my parents not my exdh but I'm not sure why it just always worked out they went to my parents) sleepovers weren't really a thing that was talked about until they were in secondary school. My DS who's 15 next month goes for sleep overs regularly, my DD who's 12 went on her first a few weeks ago but she went to a primary school friends house and I know the parents well. My DD 13 has never been invited and if she did I probably wouldn't let her as she's had constant problems with bullying since being in secondary school. She can be a bully herself too so I just don't trust it. We've had a few over our house too but I know the parents well to all the kids that have stayed.

Well my daughter is 5 and she does have sleepovers however that’s only with her cousin or with one friend whose parents are friends of ours and they all stay over so it’s a bit different. In a year or two she’ll be ok to go stay with said cousin and aunty solo (they live an hour and a half away)

As for sleepovers with friends, I first had them toward the end of y6 which I can’t see myself as having a problem with, seems a reasonable time to start.

Basically is boy siblings and dads, parents have a problem with isn’t it. Let’s face it. Same as how lots of women are against male nursery staff or even some cases of lower primary teachers being male.

when their most at risk from their own uncles, grandads and fathers in reality.

When you say well into secondary school, what age are you thinking?
I find the secondary sleepovers a lot hairier than at primary. At primary, I did know families well, but at secondary, you are unlikely to know parents and sometimes only meet them for the first time at a sleepover drop off.
I worry a lot more about my kids now they are mid-teen, but keeping them at home is just not a long-term option.

Coed slumber parties pose more danger than single sex parties. Sleepovers on weeknights are wrong because children arrive at school overtired and cranky. Otherwise, sleepovers from 9 up are great fun.

Statistically speaking aren't children most likely to be abused by their own family in their own home? So they'd actually be safer on a sleepover?