Views on sleepovers?

[Tttnn5]

Is the general consensus now that children don’t sleepover in others houses (except maybe close family like grandparents).
I am not planning on allowing my young children to sleepover anywhere except their grandparents and possibly their aunts house but I wonder when that view started to change?
thinking back now I was never allowed any sleepovers but I know all my friends were

So will you let them go on school trips and overnight activity camps

Sleepovers haven’t gone out of fashion here. School has had camping trips, and it’s the birthday party choice for 8 year olds here. Agree with PP, there are a couple of children of anxious mothers who miss out, but the rest have great fun.

I’m not sure actually about school trips and camps. My children are quite young so that hasn’t came up yet.

@Tttnn5

I work in children’s services and have heard some chillers from overnight stays and from what you would think were respectable people. a lot of the abuse was from friends siblings or even friends thenselves (particularly larger sleepovers).

It certainly does skew your perception but it’s a side effect from working in the field. Secondary age my kids were allowed (of course that poses dangers too but at that age more able to potentially keep themselves safe). Honestly just do what you think is best

It’s not about jumping down your throat and sorry if it came across that way, it’s about giving another perspective and showing that there are also risks associated with not allowing things as well. You want to facilitate a discussion so we are sharing our views to facilitate it. Most schools seem to do residentials around age 9/10 so I would probably expect a child to have done a couple of sleepovers with friends you trust prior to that to help prepare.

Nothing has changed OP. You get some that allow it and some that don’t. My eldest is 9 and has only had sleepovers with cousins. I am not in a rush to have school friends sleep over. My nephew has been doing them since age 9 and his older brother around 12 has a friend over every weekend nearly. Everyone is different

Strange thread. Covd notwithstanding I don't think they've become any less normal.

My 8yo find it really hard to fall asleep, often not before 10/10.30. don't think I'll be allowing her to sleepover at others houses until she's a little more reliable. Don't want a call at 2am she's still awake can I collect her.

If they stay in their rooms it won’t be so bad. Have separated them into boys and girls, girls downstairs with own loo. Boys upstairs with own loo. Parent in between.

Please don't stop your kids doing this. There's a boy in my son's year 6 class who isn't even allowed to walk 2 mins to school with his friends and certainly not allowed on school residentials. His parents have made him into an outcast and I judge them massively for it. I think they are shit parents.

Good luck! They'll have a ball.

it seems a shame to deprive them of an experience just because of what 'could' happen a girly sleepover at like 8,9,10 is a normal experience

and don't deprive them of residential school trips either, they were some of my fondest memories of school

I hate the idea of having anyone elses child overnight, its a responsibility I dont want.

@OoooohMatron

OP was talking about sleepovers. Not allowing your child at a sleepover does not turn them into a social outcast.

My kids didn’t stay over anywhere at primary school age other than family.

They played out on our estate, did activities, had lots of friends and now at secondary are really independent getting themselves to school/hobbies etc on their own. They did year 6 residentials and my sons off skiing soon in the Feb half term.

So not sure how you’ve came to that social outcast conclusion .

Also work in safeguarding and this scares me for when my kids are old enough to want to do sleepovers. I'm not just as concerned about school trips and clubs etc because all staff and volunteers there should be background checked which at least offers some level of protection but I think a lot of it depends on the individual child and when you think they are able to firstly recognise when something doesn't feel right and secondly to communicate this to you. I also think I prefer the idea of my kids having a way to contact me outside of the parents, so I'd probably want them to have a mobile phone of their own and an established code word for "come pick me up without letting on i asked" before I'd want them to be staying over.

The scary thing is the majority of abuse happens within the family's own social network eg extended family and friends so I think all you can really do is trust your gut instinct with people in that category.

Believe me, abuse happens with people who our parents trust, abuse happens in the daytime, abuse happens in places other than beds.
While I fully agree with being aware, using our instincts and minimising risk where possible, it isn't health to see high risk in every situation.
I was horrifically abused as a child and consequently see risk everywhere. As a parent I had to train myself to reign it in a bit and to allow my children the freedom to have fun and enjoy a normal childhood. One of mine loved sleepovers with their friends and the other couldn't stand even the idea of them! Please don't let fear with no grounding curtail your children's childhoods.

My daughter did loads of sleepovers and we had loads of her friends here. For a while it seemed that every friday night we had people here, or she was somewhere else. Never had an issue with it at all.

My sons were never that bothered.

I'll start by saying I'm a Brownie leader.

My own children went on sleepovers and had friends to stay at ours from the age of around 7. This was mostly with local parents that I had become friends with.

I take my Brownies on overnight and weekend residentials from the age of 7. The rules and regulations are pretty extensive around safeguarding, as well as around other risks. My Brownies have an amazing time but there are always some who miss out because their parents worry about their safety. Of course, that is their parents' prerogative but it's shame for the children to miss out.

You don't have to go full on into sleepovers immediately. If you are anxious, try sending them for playdates, days out, etc. first.

10 here. They're old enough to know what's right and wrong and for me to know the parents with friends they've had for a while.

You can't protect them indefinitely and if you do it has a damaging affect in the long run IMO. It's important to gradually allow them more freedom, even if there are some risks.

Mine will once she is a little older (6yo). She's never spent the night away from both of us.

No grandparents or other relatives to have her sleepover with but I'd be happy for her to sleep over at her Godparents who are close by. And some school friends where I know the parents reasonably well but as we're all working that's probably harder to arrange. As a kid we seemed to sleepover on school nights at friends quite often but the mums weren't working then?

Absolutely let them have sleepovers! My kids have been having sleepovers since they were about 6 years old. Now (age 13 & 10) it's every other weekend that they are at a friend's or their friends are here.
I do know all their friends parents though. I'm almost 40 and done the same when I was a child.

OP said she wasn't sure whether she'd allow school residential so I was responding to that comment not sleepovers at friend's houses. I wasn't implying that those not allowing sleepovers will turn their kids into outcasts. I do see why some parents aren't comfortable if they don't know the other parents that well, which is understandable. I allow mine as I am friends with the parents they stay over with, they're not randoms.

My dd has been having sleepovers since the age of 5 with friends but only people l know well. I draw the line at having more than one child to us for a sleepover though.

Our policy has been sleepovers only with family or close family friends, and only one child at a time. That goes both ways, we'd only have family or close family friends here.

I can't understand people who let their kids sleep in houses where they don't know the parents very well or who let kids they don't know well sleepover

My kids are teenagers now and they never minded these rules.