To be unable to just get on

[KidsandKitchens]

Long time poster but NC so not outing.

I really need some help of advice please, I just don’t seem to be able to get on with what I need to do but still feel like I’m massively busy. Home with nearly 1 year old DD, other two at school, and I’m sat on my phone, as I have been for the last hour, when I’ve loads to get on with. I know I’ve got lots I need to do - DD2 wet the bed and I’ve all that to sort out plus mountains of other housework/laundry but I just waste time sat here on my phone and watching my DD play. I can’t seem to break this rut.

I feel physically uncomfortable if my phone isn’t with me and am constantly checking it but I don’t even know what I’m checking it for? I do want a tidy clean home, I do want to be a good wife and mother but I just can’t seem to get on with it.

I also feel very harassed and busy, but if I’m honest I waste a lot of time.

Any tips please from anyone? Please be kind, I’m in a rut I can’t get out of.

Put your phone away. Put it in a cupboard, put in the the car, put it under your bed. Whatever just put your phone away. You are not going to miss anything important.

I doubt you are alone in this issue, but you know how to solve it.

Treat having 10 minutes on your phone as a reward for an hour of being productive.

Phone addiction, I'm the same...oh the irony I know posting this on my phone. I suspect it's more common than we think.

When I know it's really bad for me I aim to not look at my phone in the morning till my kids are at school then they don't see me on it in a morning. I come home, put a wash load on, load the dishwasher, take the bins out and make the beds. Then get out the house with your youngest. ..toddler group, park, just a walk round the supermarket. If you're out you can't look at your phone..

I find I'm more addicted to mine when my mood is generally low but I have suffered with mental health problems in the past. Not saying that's a problem for you but might be something to think about.

Have you always had an issue with procrastination? Could to be a sign of ADD/ADHD? I know I am terrible for procrastination and will spend ages on MN or news stories just to pass the time and I have all the markers for ADD.

Go and put your phone somewhere really inconvenient for an hour. Check it once for messages and then repeat for another hour.

You're right I should do this I just need to sit with the uncomfortable feeling of not having my phone. It physically irks me not to have it x

I do suffer from MH so I think you're right. Thank you x

Set the timer on your phone and put it away out of sight. Try going 30 mins without it first time...or 15 even. Start playing with DD and you might find the timer goes off and you're really engaged in what you're doing.

I completely sympathise. If phones had had this much technology when mine were little I would have found it really hard to put it away.

I get distracted now, working from home. I either leave the phone upstairs for a while or try the timer technique and it does help.

Put your phone on highest sound setting so you can hear it ring if it's the school or whatever and put it down on a cabinet.

Do 20-30 minutes sprints - so folding clothes, washing the pots, doing the washing machine, hoovering, mopping etc.

Do 30 mins and then sit down for 10 mins and give yourself a reward of 10 mins of your phone or tv, then put it back down and another 30 minute sprint.
Set yourself a goal so if you want it done by say midday and that gives you the afternoon to chill do that.

This is what I do and it works well for me.

And I do have ADHD.

Name change fail?

The phone addiction is probably meeting an emotional need. It’s all very well to say lock it away or just force yourself to do other stuff, but that isn’t going to address the root of the problem.

Unfortunately it takes a bit of work and introspection to figure out what’s driving you. It might help to look up a list of emotional needs to help you suss out what’s going on for you.

For example, we all need rest and play. Do you have enough of that in your life? It seems like your body/mind is literally protesting about doing yet more work, more doing. Do you have adequate time in your life to just ‘be’? It’s really really important, and unfortunately not valued in society because we attach our worth to our output and how much we earn, but your body is telling you the truth.

Also do you have adequate socialising in your life? We all need other people to varying extents. If you’re not getting face to face time with people, is the faux socialising you get online an attempt to meet that need? Except it might not have enough depth to it, so you’re always searching and never getting the need satiated?

Just some ideas!

I also use an app that blocks say, Chrome and FB for most of the day apart from lunchtime or after dinner etc. You can set it to block whatever you want, scheduled etc.

I think the harassed feeling is the information overload from too much stimulation online. And the frustration of being interrupted. I described it to my husband as feeling like the real world was interrupting my world...when the kids called on me but I was reading something etc.

Oh gosh, I'm the same, so much to do and just sitting there on my phone!! I'm aware of the problem and recently have made an effort to leave my phone in another room. I just have to MAKE myself get on and then reward myself by retrieving my phone. I think the only real solution is to be really tough with yourself, but that is easier said than done!!

Thank you I think building up the time is a good idea. I'm actually embarrassed by how addicted it is and how it affects everything.

Thank you, I think I need to make that step but it's just so uncomfortable. I think you're right to do it for a set amount of time x

Gosh this hits a cord. I'm on my phone sending WhatsApp's etc because I'm reaching out. Things aren't that great at home but I think because we're always up against stuff because of this, and my DH works long hours and still has to help at home. X

I’m the same although not so much with the phone as such just anything

the thing is house work is boring life is busy , on my days off I feel like I should be doing things but actually it’s ok to just be lazy sometimes because reading / tv / relaxing etc is far more enjoyable than scrubbing the toilet obviously

so do things in small amounts and also allow yourself some relaxing time without feeling bad about it

I absolutely relate to that feeling. That's spot on x

I'm on mine now (obviously) while DS4 is occupied with his Hot Wheels.

I tend not to be doomscrolling Twitter or Instagram - I'm mainly on Whatsapp. It's connection for me. I really don't enjoy my Tuesdays off. All my "mum" friends are at work and with it being winter our 2 usual haunts are shut. We'll go out later but most places here open at 10, including the café in the park!

Thanks everyone. I think I just need to be a 'better' grown up. I don't get much sleep either as I'm catching up running around or sat on the phone. I have friends but they work or aren't local and I feel I've moved away mentally from a lot of them lately.

I just did a 15 min timer and put it away and it was much harder than it should have been.

I appreciate any comments and support. Thank you.

I did almost 2 years without a smart phone (had a dumb phone and a giant tablet with my smart SIM in it). My husband decided to treat me to a new phone as he was getting on and it's been terrible. I'm constantly on my phone too!
They are addictive and made to be such! A lot of work has gone into it.
So what I used to do and will be doing again....
Dumb phone with all contacts saved so I can call it I need.
And a timer cooker jar. I used to lock my phone away all day and I shall be going back to that.
I have a lap top upstairs so if I need banking etc can use that and a dumb phone for emergency calls. You can forward your smart phone calls to your dumb phone too.
So my advice is... Buy the timed cookie jar and a PAYG Nokia xx

Same here, social media is a total time sump.i really regret the time I've wasted but I'm still here....

I didn't realise you could link your smart calls to a dumb phone, I really need to look at that because I need to be contactable by school. Thank you x

You basically just put on call forwarding.
Can't get texts but I always think in an emergency people call and I can call too xx

This is so me too.