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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to meet this guest?

151 replies

Avisit · 21/11/2022 20:27

I very possibly am.

guest staying with us over Christmas so working out logistics - we live outside of UK in a tourist city.

we don’t have a car - nobody does here so the options from the airport are cab or train. Guest feels cab is too expensive and they only want to take the train if I come and meet them at the airport but they don’t want to switch their data on so that makes meeting tricky, plus I will be 7.5 months pregnant by then.

It’s an English speaking country that they have visited (including this city) before. Guest is not elderly and we are paying for most things whilst they are here.

Shall I just pay for their cab given they have paid for their flights to visit or would you expect a guest of navigate their way to our house (every other guest ever has done this)

OP posts:
MeridianB · 25/11/2022 08:25

I bet I will end up paying for her cab.

Why? Why do that? Seriously? Unless she is broke and was desperate to see you so scraped together her last few quid for the airfare.

Cousin or friend or both, she's not royalty. Please stand up for yourself or you will spend her whole visit being a maid.

ancientgran · 25/11/2022 08:34

Have you bought her a Christmas present? Would you normally? If your answers are no then yes could you pay for the taxi as her Christmas present?

I have no idea of cost so that might be a ridiculous suggestion.

PuzzledObserver · 25/11/2022 08:39

If I were visiting a cousin overseas and they said “I’ll meet you at the airport” I’d be delighted. I would also be paying for meals out, entry tickets etc as a thank you for having me stay.

If they said “we don’t have a car, you can get to ours either by train, or take a taxi” I’d say “thanks for the info, I’ll let you know.” Then I’d use the internet to research travel times and costs for each option and decide which I was doing. Then I would text my host when en route (because I would turn data on) and let them know an ETA.

BlueG123 · 25/11/2022 08:42

I think it depends on the relationship between you and the reason for the visit.

If anyone was making the effort to come and visit me I would be happy to see them and do everything in my power to pick them up (especially as otherwise they'd have to get a train into London, get across London and then get another train out to here.

If I am visiting someone I was close to in another country, to see them, I'd feel mighty unwelcome if they didn't pick me up or at least apologise that they couldn't and offer to arrange my taxi to their home (which I'd decline but be happy they had offered)

If they are coming to visit my town for a holiday, and just staying with me for convenience, I have picked them up if it was convenient or given them clear instructions on shuttle buses etc (back when I lived in a tourist destination city)

Assuming she is coming to see you, can you arrange a time to meet her (eg 1 hour after her flight lands) at a pick up point and get a taxi / Uber there to meet her and travel back with her?

rookiemere · 25/11/2022 08:49

It depends as well to me if it has been an overnight flight. I usually come off those disoriented and bleary. It's always been drummed into me to pick up relatives and friends at the airport if I possibly can.

I wouldn't pay for her cab though, but give her a few options on how she can transport herself to yours. Not everyone is as au fait with travel and internet research as some mumsnetters appear to be.

Inertia · 25/11/2022 08:53

If she’s coming to visit you, rather than using your home as a base for her own plans, I probably would help organise her travel from the airport. Arrival at US airports is stressful, with long queues. We organised pre-booked cars when travelling in the US- could you arrange that , and offer to go halves on the cost?

Pinotpleasure · 25/11/2022 09:22

@Avisit - she can book a car service online a couple of days before she arrives at JFK. The driver will meet her (will have a sign with her name on) in the international arrivals hall at the terminal she’s arriving at.

It is cheaper than the taxi cabs (fixed price) and they are usually the black Lincoln town cars. I’ve always used Carmel Limo or Dial 7 who are both reputable:

www.Carmellimo.com

www.dial7.com

Otherwise, get her to download the Rome2Rio App to plan her journey from where she lives in the UK to LHR and from JFK to your home (it gives various transportation options)

zingally · 25/11/2022 09:36

I'd say, if they are between the ages of 20 and 60, non-disabled, and averagely streetwise, they need to work it out themselves. You are happy to give guidance about what train to catch, and where the station is etc. But you'll be 7.5 months pregnant ffs!

EndlessRain · 25/11/2022 09:38

Tell them you'll meet them at the station your end. End of.

Shodan · 25/11/2022 09:43

This reminds me of those people who 'can't' use a washing machine/hoover/other household appliance. It's not that they can't, it's that a) they don't want to and b) they want you to do it for them.

I'd write back something like "Lol I know you're not thinking a heavily pregnant woman will come and hold your hand to get on a train", give her train/airport shuttle/cab details and tell her how much you're looking forward to seeing her.

sillysmiles · 25/11/2022 09:46

If I was visiting someone, I'd happily make my way to their area but if someone was visiting me, I'd collect them at the airport.

rookiemere · 25/11/2022 09:55

"Lol I know you're not thinking a heavily pregnant woman will come and hold your hand to get on a train"

If I got that response when I was flying transatlantic to see someone, I'd either cancel my flight or stay in a hotel.

It's fine to say the same thing differently " It's hard for me to drive these days with being heavily pregnant, but it's actually really easy to either use public transport or pre book a transfer- and then list the options - looking forward to seeing you x"

Moveoverdarlin · 25/11/2022 09:56

If they are under 18, pay and pick them up. If they are over that age tell them to put their big boy pants on and make their own way. Bit switching their data on. That is just tighter than tight.

MsRosley · 25/11/2022 10:19

Loachworks · 21/11/2022 20:47

I reckon you've a potential CF on your hands. Imagine making a heavily pregnant host come to collect you because you're too tight to get a cab and you won't turn your data on. I presume you're putting them up free too.

This. Wake up, OP. Reasonable people don't behave like this. Your guest sounds like a total nightmare.

Brefugee · 25/11/2022 10:25

Doesn't JFK have free WiFi?

bewarethetides · 25/11/2022 10:26

Your cousin and her friend can pay for a cab.

They're lucky they have a place to stay. Don't let them take the piss.

rookiemere · 25/11/2022 10:30

To be fair, with the exchange rate as it is your Dcousin and friend will find the cost of things in USA to be horrendous. I still don't think you should pay for it though. Give them step by step instructions on how to catch the train. Tell them to pack light so they can manage their own cases.

rookiemere · 25/11/2022 10:32

You could also gently point out that your DPs are able to manage the train ride.

Wrongsideofpennines · 25/11/2022 10:48

Assuming you have a partner - could they not go to pick her up if you really think she would struggle?

I don't think it's unreasonable to say no at 7.5 months pregnant. Give her all the options and let her choose. Say you'll meet her at the metro stop but she needs to let you know what train she is on. If she were going on any other holiday she would have to arrange her own transfers.

Tescoheslth · 25/11/2022 10:56

Honestly the people saying pick her up without a car are just bats. Imagine taking the train out of London to Gatwick or Heathrow at 7.5 months pregnant, hanging around for god knows how long at the airport with the cousin too tight to turn her phone on so no idea whereabouts in the system she is, then having to wait for a train back into london, plod back to house. The OP will be completely knackered by then so not up to much hosting! It's a big fat no from me.

UsingChangeofName · 25/11/2022 11:04

Lozzybear · 22/11/2022 07:10

They can pay for their own cab if they don’t want to take the train. Given that it’s a fixed fare from JFK, they won’t be getting ripped off and it’s cheaper than getting a cab from Heathrow to London.

That might be worth letting her know.

I've never got a cab from an airport (other than in my home City), and I would have assumed it would cost a fortune.

Regardless at 7.5 months pregnant she shouldn't even be considering hosting.

Why ever not ? Unless you have a medical condition that makes you the exception, most people go about getting on with their lives at 7.5months pregnant. She is having a relative staying in her house not working on a building site.

newnamequickly · 25/11/2022 11:29

Let her land, get through customs then give you a quick call, she can use a pay phone if she won't switch on her data. I'd leave to meet her at that point, I wouldn't be standing around 7.5 months pregnant.

Your guest can carry her own luggage. You are just guiding her into a train.

At least on the way back she'll be familiar with the route. You'll be a bit uncomfortable by then to be on public transport.

MeridianB · 25/11/2022 11:42

Good idea from @Pinotpleasure. I can vouch for Carmel Limo, too - very reliable.

dammitJanet81 · 25/11/2022 11:52

@Avisit so she's getting free accommodation for a holiday in NYC?

If she can't afford cab fare, she can't afford a holiday in NYC.

She should get a cab and pay for it herself.

CruCru · 25/11/2022 15:18

God, I’d find this so irritating. This is an adult of working age who can’t / won’t shift for herself. How on earth does it come to this? How does she work?