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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to meet this guest?

151 replies

Avisit · 21/11/2022 20:27

I very possibly am.

guest staying with us over Christmas so working out logistics - we live outside of UK in a tourist city.

we don’t have a car - nobody does here so the options from the airport are cab or train. Guest feels cab is too expensive and they only want to take the train if I come and meet them at the airport but they don’t want to switch their data on so that makes meeting tricky, plus I will be 7.5 months pregnant by then.

It’s an English speaking country that they have visited (including this city) before. Guest is not elderly and we are paying for most things whilst they are here.

Shall I just pay for their cab given they have paid for their flights to visit or would you expect a guest of navigate their way to our house (every other guest ever has done this)

OP posts:
waterrat · 21/11/2022 21:53

Ps i travelled alone to new york aged 25 and had an amazing time

picklemewalnuts · 21/11/2022 21:55

Guessing it's a parent?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 21/11/2022 21:56

When visiting friends living abroad I have always been met by them at the airport. Of course adults are capable of making their own way, but in an unfamiliar country and after a flight it’s nice not to have that added pressure of trying to find your way to an unknown location. Even when friends come and visit me in the UK if they’re not driving I would expect to meet them at the train/ bus etc station and go to my house together.

Why would your friend need to turn on their data for you to meet them at the airport? Just agree on a time which gives enough time after they land to get through customs and get luggage etc and meet at an easy to find cafe/ restaurant etc within the airport, you can keep an eye on their flight for any major delays from home and if either of you have to wait a bit you’re only sat in a cafe so it’s no big deal. People were able to meet before mobile phones, I don’t see how not wanting to run on data is a barrier at all, plus chances are the airport will provide a small amount of free Wi-Fi anyway.

Stripedbag101 · 21/11/2022 22:01

I once travelled to Melbourne to stay with my cousin. Not only did he not meet me at the airport (which I didn’t expect to be honest) but he slept in and forgot to meet me at the bus stop. I didn’t know exactly where he lived and I had to sit in a cafe nearby for three hours😂😂. Which was lovely after travelling for 36 hours.

Original poster
Avisit · 21/11/2022 22:01

@MolkosTeenageAngst guessing you haven’t flown into JFK recently - how long it will take to get through customs is anyones guess depending on the queue. There’s also limited cafes in JFK arrivals so I’d be standing for who knows how long quite pregnant. So data would be helpful to judge the queue.

I do get that she might not want to navigate transport after a flight. I assumed she’d take a cab which is very easy. She’ll have luggage too.

Shes mid 30s, healthy and lives in London and has travelled and lived abroad but sometimes can be a bit delicate and lack independence. It’s my cousin but also consider her friend. I bet I will end up paying for her cab.

OP posts:
Cigarettesaftersex1 · 21/11/2022 22:05

Why will you? Just don't pay for it!

Original poster
Avisit · 21/11/2022 22:06

@Cigarettesaftersex1 im a push over I guess. I don’t want the trip off to bad start and I am certainly not going all the way there train or cab just to come back again

OP posts:
mnahmnah · 21/11/2022 22:08

Just give her clear instructions on how to navigate the airport and train. She needs to get a grip!

SavingsThreads · 21/11/2022 22:30

@Avisit I flew into jfk last month. Customs was easy but took about 30mins to get through passport control, and we were near the front of the queue. Could have taken ages for those at the back.

But jfk (and basically all of NYC actually) has free wifi, so no need for her to use data

SavingsThreads · 21/11/2022 22:31

Also if you're in Brooklyn or Manhattan it's so easy for her to get to you by subway.

TrashyPanda · 21/11/2022 22:31

Just agree on a time which gives enough time after they land to get through customs and get luggage etc and meet at an easy to find cafe/ restaurant etc within the airport

easier said than done.

its anyones guess how long immigration takes.

my solo trip - I was through immigration in 10 minutes. 2 years later and it was well over an hour and a half.

all she has to do is walk out of the terminal and there are taxi cabs right there.

Liorae · 21/11/2022 22:35

It depends. Parent, yes you should pay. Cousin, no.

Liorae · 21/11/2022 22:37

Stripedbag101 · 21/11/2022 22:01

I once travelled to Melbourne to stay with my cousin. Not only did he not meet me at the airport (which I didn’t expect to be honest) but he slept in and forgot to meet me at the bus stop. I didn’t know exactly where he lived and I had to sit in a cafe nearby for three hours😂😂. Which was lovely after travelling for 36 hours.

I am guessing you are cab challenged.

Original poster
Avisit · 21/11/2022 22:38

@Liorae interesting - my parents have visited so many times and manage to get to us no discussion other than knowing the address or us needing to pay.

just out of interest, why would you pay for parents but not a cousin?

OP posts:
FightingFatAt49 · 21/11/2022 22:38

Shes mid 30s, healthy What???? Seriously???? I was expecting you to say it was your 90yr old grandmother! DO NOT DO IT OR PAY FOR HER CAB! 🚖 🚕

Bobshhh · 21/11/2022 22:40

Cabs are pricey from JFK!

Obviously she can get the metro, and it doesn't cost much to have data on!

Liorae · 21/11/2022 22:42

Avisit · 21/11/2022 22:38

@Liorae interesting - my parents have visited so many times and manage to get to us no discussion other than knowing the address or us needing to pay.

just out of interest, why would you pay for parents but not a cousin?

Cultural I would expect to always treat and pay for parents, just as I would pay their airfare to come and visit.

Quitelikeit · 21/11/2022 22:45

How long is the train and how much is a cab?

TheOnlyBeeInYourBonnet · 21/11/2022 22:46

Liorae · 21/11/2022 22:37

I am guessing you are cab challenged.

Show quote history

Or maybe just not clairvoyant enough to figure out the address to catch the cab to?

OP your guest is being ridiculous. Airport transfers are part and parcel of travelling and need to be factored into the cost. I assume she doesn't know what being heavily pregnant feels like, I'd suggest you exaggerate all you need to, to make sure she realises how physically impossible this would be for you.

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 21/11/2022 22:49

Avisit · 21/11/2022 20:27

I very possibly am.

guest staying with us over Christmas so working out logistics - we live outside of UK in a tourist city.

we don’t have a car - nobody does here so the options from the airport are cab or train. Guest feels cab is too expensive and they only want to take the train if I come and meet them at the airport but they don’t want to switch their data on so that makes meeting tricky, plus I will be 7.5 months pregnant by then.

It’s an English speaking country that they have visited (including this city) before. Guest is not elderly and we are paying for most things whilst they are here.

Shall I just pay for their cab given they have paid for their flights to visit or would you expect a guest of navigate their way to our house (every other guest ever has done this)

Why are they coming for Christmas?

ThirtyThreeTrees · 21/11/2022 22:50

Sounds like she's a PITA before she even arrives.

You are pregnant and she's listing demands and won't even turn on data.

Tell her it's completely unrealistic. Send her all details of train and let her figure it out

UsingChangeofName · 21/11/2022 23:07

Your post at 22:01 changes it for me.
Up until then I was going to agree with @MolkosTeenageAngst

I've travelled to all sorts of places in my 20s and would not consider it an issue - particularly in an English speaking Country - to find my way out of an airport and on to a train. I'm presuming you can describe anything they need to know for them. But not I'm much older, my confidence has gone and I would struggle more. I'd still do it, but I'd be very appreciative of any help. However, since saying she is still a young person, then I don't think YABU at all.

pantsville · 21/11/2022 23:27

I can kind of understand not wanting to navigate taking the train alone, burdened with luggage, tired and in an unfamiliar place as a young woman. While I appreciate for many people it would be a walk in the park, everyone’s different!

tara66 · 21/11/2022 23:30

I actually got off a plane in Sicily because I thought I was in Rome. I even asked where I could get a bus into Rome. I didn't know it was a stopover but managed to get back onto the plane and got to Rome! It was a few years ago...

Original poster
Avisit · 21/11/2022 23:34

@pantsville I can too and I would always opt for a taxi on arrival after a flight for ease. There is the option of a cab which is incredibly easy.

I don’t particularly fancy being a young heavily pregnant woman navigating the train (have always taken cabs) and helping with the burden of luggage.

OP posts:
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