Would you allow this?

[maccaroni]

My child is in year 11 and aged 16. They have asked if they can go on holiday abroad with 4 friends (2 male, 2 female) and stay in one of the friends parents apartment. There will be no over 18 present on the trip.
I was interested to know what parents with kids this age think? Would you allow your teen to go? This will be after exams are finished.

Can’t vote as not sure if you’re asking Aibu to say yes or no. But I would say no to that. I have a 22 and 18 year old so know that age.

Nope

Nope.

No I wouldn't allow my child to go.

I’m fairly relaxed, small break in the uk. Sure I might consider it but abroad there is just an added element of risk (if needed in an emergency harder to get to/risk of being hospitalised/lost/a victim of crime is all risks that might exist wherever they are but certainly more complicated when abroad. Having no adult person over the age of 18 would leave me feeling very uncomfortable. Whilst I’m sure some teens are very capable and it would be no issue, the likelihood of a whole group being all equally sensible and mature enough to ensure everyone was taken care of and safe seems unlikely.

No, not at 16

No with icing and a cherry on top

You don't need to send your kids alone abroad at sixteen to prove you're not protective, though - there's a middle ground.

I let my daughter and three of her friends go to my partner’s apartment at a British beach. I happily did it because:

They are all really square and into health and fitness so I was confident there would be no drinking/smoking/drugs or unauthorised parties.
They are all good swimmers and one is a qualified lifeguard, so I was content they’d be reasonably safe in the water or on the paddleboard and the water is shallow until quite far out. There are also lifeguards at the beach.
The apartment is 20 miles down the motorway from my house so if there was a problem we could get there in about half an hour.
My DD has been going to the apartment with me for years and knew how to work the oven, keys, shower, etc. so we could be confident they could operate everything safely.

I’d probably be reluctant to let her go abroad alone with friends for another year or so, unless a parent was available - even if they were in a separate building and didn’t interfere in any way.

No one said there wasn't.

What I said was the PP's view is reasonable. It is. Fewer people would have seen 16 year olds on a group holiday abroad as risky 20 or 30 years ago, even though communication was much less immediate than it is now.

The world isn't more dangerous, our attitudes have changed. It's useful for someone to point that out.

You don't need to dismiss people because they don't agree with you. Different views is what the OP wanted and it's the point of a forum.

Attitudes have changed but so have legalities. That's kind of the point.

Sixteen year olds are considered children in most countries - so they won't be necessarily be able to access the same things as they might have done 30 years ago. It's not being dismissive to point that out 🙄

I'm pretty chilled as a parent, but NO!

At 16 mine did Reading Festival day tickets
At 17 they did Reading Festival stay over, and a trip abroad (package holiday) with a same sex friend (but we heavily veto'd where - i.e. no to "party towns" yes to regular family resort).
At 18, I'd say they're fully equipped to have the skills to look after themselves and go away abroad with a group of friends, which they are planning to do in the summer, and I'm fine with.

A bunch of mixed sex 16 year olds with no adult supervision in a foreign country is a recipe for disaster. And its too far for parents to get to quickly if everything goes tits up.

I'd happily let them do a holiday away in the UK as a group at 16, as long as it was within 3-4 hours drive maximum.

i wouldn’t allow it. DS has told me numerous stories of things that have gone on (and gone wrong) with friends of his that went abroad on holidays like this. More than one time parents have had to get involved as stupid & dangerous mistakes were made.

This

No way! I went with a friend aged 17. Her mom insisted on coming at the same time and booked herself into a nearby hotel, which we hated although she was the 'cool mum' in our friend circle. Thank goodness she came. She literally had to bail us out of some dodgy situations that could've ended badly (think being allowed to drink in nightclubs, not enough money, being scammed, lost in an unfamiliar part of town etc. )

No definitely not

I wouldn’t have a problem with this but I’m not sure what the votes are for - is you being unreasonable to let her go or not let her go?

Weirded out a bit by the ‘Mixed sex? Heaven’s no!’ comments I’m seeing. I’m bi and prefer girls so would have been safer sending me on holiday with a bunch of lads at that age! And if I hadn’t been allowed to go away with any gender I may potentially find attractive, I’d never have been allowed out with anyone laughs

That’s a digression though, if your daughter and her friends have worked hard and always been sensible, and she’s been abroad a lot growing up…she’ll be fine. It’s Spain. Half of Cheshire decamps there after the exam season!

My daughter went away with 3 friends to a villa with a pool in Italy .. all 4 mums went too.

We had a great time . It was through Airbnb and early June so v good value. They had a great time. Villa was divided into 2 self contained flats so they had their privacy , we had ours .. they went to Rome for 1 night on their own .. but the rest of the time they did their own thing and we all met up I the evening.

Was a great balance, some independence with parental oversight without being stifling .

Suggest something like that .

If I could chat with other parents, am pretty sure I'd let DD go.
I had a decision like this & let DS go. He was 16 & his buddy was 17.

What I didn't know was that buddy's cousins (Syrian refugees) would look after them much of the time, I thought we were just sending the lads ( via RyanAir) to a hostel in Berlin for 5-6 nights. They did stay in the hostel, but the family members met them, ferried & fed them quite a bit, too.

Anyway, no regrets. That was only 2 of them in February. 5 in summer to a flat one parent own sounds much safer somehow.

Same DS, maybe ~5 years later, camped with a single 18-19yo (purely) friend, wild trekking in Alps. They came down when friend had signs of altitude sickness, found the only cheap hostel in Switzerland I dare say.

If she 16 now, she will be almost 17 next June, I would let her go if I thought the group would look out for each other. I wouldn’t love the idea, but I don’t think I would forbid it, unless there were other known dubious factors around the others going. I have a 16 year old DD for context.

No, in a word.

Too young.

Possibly a weekend in the UK as a starter but even then it's risky, for all kinds of reasons.

Well I let my 16 year old go to Reading for 3/4 days after GCSEs - they all do it around here - although I think it's a bit passé now - dd is 22.

Depends on the kids who are going and what they're like. Do you know the other parents? Do they have reservations?

If you are uncomfortable with it it's absolutely up to you to say no BUT I would discuss it and explain why - if you dismiss it out of hand it's like you just don't trust them.

It's hard being a parent.

I also would expect DD to be paying the main proportion of the trip cost.

No way.