Grandparents and Christmas

[AutumnFox]

I think my MIL goes OTT at Christmas with my DD. She’s her only grandchild but she shops for her as if she’s her child. I appreciate it and it’s lovely of her but I worry that DD will grow up getting used to these piles of presents and if MIL gets other grandchildren she won’t be able to carry it on. She spends more on DD than I do!

for example this year so far she’s bought her books, pyjamas, slippers, games, multiple toys etc - DD is only 2!

AIBU to suggest that she maybe tone it down a bit? She messaged me this morning saying she’s back out today to get more stuff.

How much do grandparents normally get their grandkids for Christmas?

Aww just let her. She likes it and sure your daughter does. I would just influence what she gets tell her what she needs tell her what you don’t want I.e massive Barbie houses etc

Are you this nasty in real life?
You do realise that I'm not the poster who said she had lost her parents?
But it is inevitable that children will not always have their grandparents around, they do not always live past their dgcs childhood and so, yes, I don't think going a bit mad with the Christmas gifts is worth getting upset about. Does it help the OP to encourage her to be annoyed about this?
Reply to this if you like but I won't be responding again.

It is actually worth getting upset about when it damages the day to day living of the parents. Who actually matter more.

If the GPs get annoyed by a very reasonable and simple request to give a reasonable amount of gifts then I would be cutting that relationship right down.

Christmas should make everyone happy.

She is obviously overjoyed with her granddaughter, why not just let her enjoy it. Alternatively you could suggest she starts a junior ISA for your DD to help with her future and buys half the amount of toys? But seriously how lovely that this is all you have to complain about.

Just tell her that all the stuff she buys is made in China who are the biggest contributors to climate change. You'd prefer that your child can life out her life being able to breathe non toxic air and not fight for dry land when she's older rather than more shite.

That should work

One of the joys of having grandchildren is spoiling them when I can, please let her carry on.

But there is spoiling DGC to the point of upstageing Santa and causing a lot stress to parents who don't have space to store mountains of toys.

Its actually depressing when your at the tale of November and you find last years Christmas presents still with shrink wrap on them.

I can't even decide do I keep them there or send them of to the Salvation Army toy appeal?

Surely pyjamas, slippers, clothes & books are always welcome. On this site MILs can do no right, ever.

My parents - one present. Budget anywhere between about £35 & £60 (younger kids don't generally want expensive things). Dh parents often seem to not bother unless seeing the DC on the day and even then its usually an afterthought.

My mil can be a bit like this. We just do not have the space and it means I have to tell her other grandparents, aunts uncles etc to buy her very little or do money or a trip out which I know isn’t an issue and a first world problem but it’s a bit annoying g she’s deemed herself ‘the giver of gifts’ and will say things like ‘well I always get her really good stuff don’t I’ when I say my mum is getting her a voucher for soft play or something. Yes, you get her massive toys we don’t have room for so no one else including us can buy anything !

what’s annoying is I will be in asda with dh and say ‘oh this is a lovely book’ and he will say ‘noooo, dd has so many books she doesn’t need it’ but his mum will then ring us to come round as she’s got dd something - 3 books and a craft set. And he’s like oh thanks that’s nice of you 🙈🙈🙈

I think books, clothes and slippers are great gifts every year from grandparents but not a sackful of toys!
One or two not giant sized would be enough.
I have great nieces and nephews and while I bought them toys when they were tiny now I'm just buying them a couple of items of clothes which their parents really appreciate.

And when OP runs out of room in her house for the piles of junk? When her kid has unrealistic expectations of how many presents she gets? When OP is the one who has to traipse to the charity shop with bags and bags of stuff every January only for the charity shops to be full of all the other grandparent-given tat so she has to lug it all home again?

It’s really easy to “spoil” someone else’s kid because you don’t have to live with the mountains of stuff.

Surely pyjamas, slippers, clothes & books are always welcome.
Books yes. Pyjamas, slippers and clothes no. They all need to be stored somewhere and whenever there are too many of anything most of them end up never being worn. DS got two new jumpers last Christmas. Still fit nicely. He has 4 others. Given 5 days of the week most of the year he is in a school jumper then having 6 others is loads. MIL mentioned jumpers the other day and I said politely but firmly not to add to them. Otherwise it's just more clutter, more drawer space and more stuff that hardly ever gets worn.

YANBU. My DM doesn't spend excessive amounts on each GC probably about £50 each .The problem is she has it in her head that she needs to buy the same amount of presents and spend the same amount on each GC like she did with us when me and my siblings were young. The GC are not all children but she gets so stressed by trying to get the same amount and cost for each GC. She tends to want to get several things for each GC for her budget. My DSs appreciate anything that they are bought but my nieces and nephews not so much so. I have tried to help her and say it shouldn't be stressful like she makes it. One present for each. She says the GC don't use or like what she buys but if she just bought one thing for £20 rather than 10 things for £50 she would save herself a lot of time and money.

We converted the mad numbers of gifts into no limit for books or second hand gifts (but please ask on books first as we may have it) and then adventure days - wildlife park or similar.

And then upgraded again to a yearly pass to a farm park near our house. It has been great value for money for us as it is used regularly and MIL is proud of having chipped in to something so positive.

Stick half of it in the loft and give it to DD yourself for her birthday. Save you a fortune!

Ffs are clothes going to become the new mumsnet chicken. 1 jumper will last a child 16 months.
Since when was 6 jumpers for 1 child too many? Children can easily wear 4 jumpers just at the weekend and what do they wear after school?

I would love to know what the answer is. My in-laws buy £500 per child. It is obscene. Then they moan that my house is too cluttered and we have too much stuff. I can't win. I've asked if they could instead do tickets for things or help us pay towards the kids very expensive hobby. That is all a no, they want to give them stuff to open. I hate that my kids then appear ungrateful as they have so many things it gets overwhelming. At least we have managed to stop the grandparents buying what the kids ask Santa for. Two years in a row my eldest got identical gifts. MiL was upset that I was spoiling her fun because SHE is SANTA. It was crazy.

Please make sure clothes actually fit!

Any volunteers to take in some pjs?,

£500 per child is stupid. Really stupid. I'd be suggesting a chunk of that money is invested to help pay uni fees.

Dinoteeth, absolutely agree. The toys will likely be forgotten about days after Christmas but imagine the benefit of 18 years worth of £500 per year when your dgc is starting out at uni, on a career, travelling or buying a home. The sheer waste of it..........

They don't change after school, except into Beavers/Rainbows/swimming stuff on those days. I'm not getting into changing after school and creating extra laundry. Never understood that.

6 is loads! At least 2 of those have been worn a handful of times and I hate the waste of that. I don't know if my kids don't grow very fast but jumpers last 2-3 years for us. They don't need replacing and if they get new ones this Christmas I'll have to send perfectly good ones to charity just to make room for them. So I've put my foot down about it. Hopefully!

I dont see the problem? she enjoys it?

Exactly and if they spend that at Christmas what are they spending on Birthdays and Easter. Just stupid amounts on money on what is essentially landfill fodder.

Spend a fraction of that on toys and invest the rest and you'll have a very happy.18yo with a nice little sum behind them.

6 isn’t loads. Stop being so tight.