Grandparents and Christmas

[AutumnFox]

I think my MIL goes OTT at Christmas with my DD. She’s her only grandchild but she shops for her as if she’s her child. I appreciate it and it’s lovely of her but I worry that DD will grow up getting used to these piles of presents and if MIL gets other grandchildren she won’t be able to carry it on. She spends more on DD than I do!

for example this year so far she’s bought her books, pyjamas, slippers, games, multiple toys etc - DD is only 2!

AIBU to suggest that she maybe tone it down a bit? She messaged me this morning saying she’s back out today to get more stuff.

How much do grandparents normally get their grandkids for Christmas?

I'm a bit jealous, my MIL doesn't buy my son anything but constantly goes on about how much he has, in a really judgey way (and he literally doesn't have that much especially compared to friends!).

Why not just tell her what your dd needs / wants? Better to direct her than make her feel awful for being genorous. Also, most people whose gp go crazy limit the xmas gifts they buy to balance things out.

Looks like a PFG (precious first grandchild) situation. Be straight with them that they are overdoing it.

DG on both sides used to buy a present (game or toy when kids were young) and £20 for savings. As kids got older it was more likely to be vouchers + savings money.

My grandchildren are young still so it's money and a few gifts, nothing big though. This year a top, book, sticker book, small chocolate and something Christmassy (usually fun tree decorations) for the eldest, similar for the youngest.

I was the first child / grandchild in the family & got spoiled rotten. Sacks of pressies at home, then Nan & Grandad's on Boxing day & did it all again! It was awesome!
Doesn't mean to say I still expect the same, let the Grands enjoy themselves. :-)

@Coconutcream123 I feel for you.. I much prefer the over-the-top Grands to the mean ones.. :-(

My father in law likes to go a bit crazy with presents for my son (precious only grandchild). We've said he doesn't need loads but I don't push it as it's kind he wants to spoil him and he enjoys it. I think it's a bit mean to insist on them getting less presents if they enjoy it.

My DDad was like this with my Dson… it got to ridiculous proportions!! My Ds liked table tennis at school during P.E. so the full size table tennis table and all the bloody kit (top quality stuff) arrived😱 My Ds just looked confused! we had to empty the garage to get it in.
Then there was a new bike… far too expensive, too large and so heavy that Ds couldn’t control the damn thing 🤷‍♀️
To be fair, Ds was the only grandchild and they did have a lovely relationship but had the bestest times messing about in the fields and falling in the river😁
I had to step in firmly when DDad was caught giving Ds his entire state pension “for his holiday savings” 😱

God this sounds like my father in law. Heart in the right place but way too generous to ridiculous levels!

@blebbleb

oh yes, like you say, my DDad absolutely adored Dgs and heart was very much in the right place - - but it did get a bit daft at times!! Silly thing was that Dgs is now 36, and all his favourite memories of my late DDad are all the outdoor exploring they did and the adventures they had… not the expensive stuff he was bought!

My mum is a bit of a spender. She just buys for the sake of it and it's usually cheap crap that he has no interest in and is badly made. She then gets annoyed when he doesn't want to play with stuff that's she's bought

Bonkers! I think you nailed it when you said that she is shopping as a parent doing 'the main presents' rather than a grandparent gift. I think you might have to go with it for this year, donate anything that you don't have room for and then ask her to tone it down next year. If she is anything like my MIL, she might respond well to the suggestion of DD preferring a 'special outing' with her grandma as a Christmas present instead of toys, etc.

I worry that DD will grow up getting used to these piles of presents and if MIL gets other grandchildren she won’t be able to carry it on

By the time your child is old enough to realise she is receiving fewer presents than last year, she'll be old enough for you to explain why.

I love to spend money on my DGC but I'm conscious that their parents don't want too much 'stuff'. I compromise by buying no more than a couple of presents and then transferring money to the parents to put towards annual passes to favourite attractions. (I then often offer to take them there during the year to give the parents some free time). Would she agree to do that?

We have had this very thing. I had my DD very young and she was the youngest for a lady fe extended family and was spoiled rotten. She was 7 by the time any other babies were born. She often jokes and refers to the good old days lol. She's 24 now and is the worst for spoiling everyone at Christmas. She has a real problem and I blame my mum lol.
She really values her childhood memories but wouldn't change the big busy Christmases, we have now, for all the presents in the world.
Let her enjoy all the love and attention and trust that she will understand if things change, at least she will have memories xx

Slightly different family dynamics as I have a blended family so my partners children his daughter had our grandchild last year in August and his eldest sons girlfriend has just had a baby on 5th November so our grandchildren have also got my partners ex and her partner aswell to spend on them not to mention my sd partners parents and siblings aswell as grandparents we have just bought our grandson a couple of presents nothing too big as his other set of grandparents will also buy him gifts our granddaughter will only be just over a month old and my partners ex and her partner have opened a savings account for her for when she's older so we've just been instructed to donate to that if we can as she's got loads already that she can't even use however if my grandkids only had 1 set of grandparents I.e because the other set were no longer with us I think I would buy a bit more but because of how far and wide our blended family reaches there's that many relatives buying for all the kids in the family it all evens out.

My mil was like this when my now 14yr old was little and I didn't begrudge it one bit. We wasn't very well off and so my daughter didn't miss out as a result. Over the years the family has got bigger with more grandchildren etc so I have yearly chats about expectations and being grateful which she takes on board. She's not spoilt and I'm a very proud mum. Let the grandparents spoil them if they want, it won't be like that forever.

First grandchild, too. Guilty, m’lud 🤣

Mum and dad don’t mind, though. They’d say so if they did and we’d tone it down.

Meant to say so she's gotten less over the years as the family has got bigger so more grandchildren to buy for

My grandparents got us (only two grandchildren) a sack of presents each when we were little and it got less and less and I didn’t notice or mind, I just loved it at the time then as a teen I understood it was okay to get £30 cash and a token gift.

As an adult and parent now I realise my parents probably couldn’t afford to do that then. I appreciate everything my own parents do for my DC now 😊

My parents buy one gift or a few smaller ones parcelled up together. Usually about £30-40 spend per child.
My mum believes the big presents should come from the parents and grandparents should not outdo parents which I've always appreciated.
They get nothing from their dad's side as they live abroad and just never did gifts for them.

The other thing you can do is put it about you are building up a collection of something small but expensive (and re sellable,) Playmobil, Lego, Sylvanian families etc. And say your DD particularly wants x item (not the biggest box in the shop). Obviously when they are 3+.

I hate this type of reply. I'm sorry your DD has no grandparents but that doesn't mean that others can't have an issue with theirs.

Let her crack on ,buy less yourself ,your dd will not care a jot who buys what ..
save your money for bills

It's not a huge deal provided they stay at her house.