This is long so bare with..
Me and dh been married almost 8 year. He's a gem and I love him entirely. I'll start with the most recent problem . So we needed time away ( we have 4 kids 14 years to almost 1yr old )
I took a trip with him to the Highlands I booked a lodge near my best friend of almost 16 year. Long story short he got steaming drunk and while I was outside smoking I seen him and my best mate kissing. I didn't dare go inside to call them out I simply observed. They both went unto the bedroom ( plenty windows I watched them walk it ) so I let them go and after a few minutes I went in. I found her straddling him!! Yes I kicked her off the bed and went ape crap on them . They both apologised and she left. We drove home the next day as I couldn't face staying another night. He was still drunk on the drive home and claimed he didn't remember a thing. She's admitted they kissed but claimed she fell on top of him. I call bull and block her . He's guilty as heck apologised over and over saying he was so blind drunk he didn't know what he was doing . Wwud? He's claimed it was all a mistake and he doesn't have feeling for her ( I believe him ) but I feel like a bloody mug. First time he's cheated but he's a sex pest and has problems with porn etc . ( long story for another day ) wtf do I do . We are going round I cycles arguing about it all
He's said sorry I should forgive him balh blah blah.. I feel like shit like total shit. And not sure I can go on pretending it all going to be okay when inside I'm crying ? I'm crying all the time I secret I'm having what i think is panic attacks ( like a heart attack feelimg idk ) and being short with my kids and its taking a really bad toll on my mental health ( he's saying I said I said i would forgive him so I should never bring it up again ) I'm angry I'm confused and feeling really fuxkifn stupid ATM. Please help. As I said there is more to it so any questions just please ask. I'm just so upset even writing this I feel like a toal and utter idiot.