Husbands are hard work

[Lisa2008]

This is long so bare with..
Me and dh been married almost 8 year. He's a gem and I love him entirely. I'll start with the most recent problem . So we needed time away ( we have 4 kids 14 years to almost 1yr old )
I took a trip with him to the Highlands I booked a lodge near my best friend of almost 16 year. Long story short he got steaming drunk and while I was outside smoking I seen him and my best mate kissing. I didn't dare go inside to call them out I simply observed. They both went unto the bedroom ( plenty windows I watched them walk it ) so I let them go and after a few minutes I went in. I found her straddling him!! Yes I kicked her off the bed and went ape crap on them . They both apologised and she left. We drove home the next day as I couldn't face staying another night. He was still drunk on the drive home and claimed he didn't remember a thing. She's admitted they kissed but claimed she fell on top of him. I call bull and block her . He's guilty as heck apologised over and over saying he was so blind drunk he didn't know what he was doing . Wwud? He's claimed it was all a mistake and he doesn't have feeling for her ( I believe him ) but I feel like a bloody mug. First time he's cheated but he's a sex pest and has problems with porn etc . ( long story for another day ) wtf do I do . We are going round I cycles arguing about it all
He's said sorry I should forgive him balh blah blah.. I feel like shit like total shit. And not sure I can go on pretending it all going to be okay when inside I'm crying ? I'm crying all the time I secret I'm having what i think is panic attacks ( like a heart attack feelimg idk ) and being short with my kids and its taking a really bad toll on my mental health ( he's saying I said I said i would forgive him so I should never bring it up again ) I'm angry I'm confused and feeling really fuxkifn stupid ATM. Please help. As I said there is more to it so any questions just please ask. I'm just so upset even writing this I feel like a toal and utter idiot.

Ffs. There are so many threads tonight that sound like utter shit. This is another.

Well, yes, lots of us have. But no one else has to tolerate the stupid stuff we've done just because we were drunk.

They took a huge risk seeing as you only stepped outside for a cigarette... knowing you would only be a few minutes.

You say you didn't confront them when you saw them kiss ? Why?

I've been drunk only once in my life but it led me to have a 3hr blackout. Luckily I had friends with me who kept me safe in just saying it is possible he doesn't remember.

However given the other stuff about being a sex pest and his addiction that might just tip the scales

Maybe some counselling? Tough situation as you know him best

I agree completely.

On the off chance that this is real, @Lisa2008 , how can he be both a sex pest with porn problems and a 'gem'? He's definitely not a gem. A horrible prick sounds more accurate.

He's a sex pest and he cheated on you but he's also a gem.

Come on.

In case this is a genuine op then all I have to say is when trust has been broken it is broken. It can’t be fixed with an apology. It can’t be fixed with forgiveness. It can only be fixed if it is rebuilt and earned by the the person who broke it.

I’m sorry you are going through this pain 💐

Right?

I cannot believe people are taking this thread at face value.

OP - I suggest putting the phone down, stepping out into the real world and making some friends. It’s got to be a better way to spend a Friday night than trolling a load of Mums.

[Posting for the deletion message: mine for troll hunting, and the thread itself]

Slightly at a tangent but the whole notion of porn addiction really boils my piss. You can't excuse every shitty behaviour by claiming it's an addiction, implying the perpetrator is somehow an an unfortunate victim of something they have no control over. What next? The poor wee soul was addicted to sexually assaulting women?

Your DH is not a porn addict, he's just a wanker, in every sense of the word.

Sex pest porn addict that tried to shag your best friend within minutes of you being out of site. I'm not sure how you remain confident that this is the first time he has cheated and I'm even more confused about how you describe this person, add the gaslighting after the event, as a gem.

From one of your other threads your 14 year old is a dd from a previous relationship. To be honest a porn addicted, sex pest who treated you so badly by cheating on you with your best friend isn’t someone who I’d trust to be a step dad to my teenage daughter.

Maybe you should be looking at him in a whole new light.

Sight*

Yeah, not tried to fuck any of my husband’s mates though.

He’s not a ‘gem’, OP, he’s a fucking prick.

How exactly is this cheater with a porn addiction who you describe as a sex pest, ‘a gem’
I have a different definition of gem i think

He’s not hard work. He’s a deceitful, disloyal shitbag. This is a fork in the road for your relationship. If you don’t take this chance to end it, you’ll regret it in a few years time when your self esteem has completely gone, you find out none of your actual friends want to be left alone in a room with him because he’s such a creep and he’s having a baby with a 19 year old.

I think you are grieving for the lost trust. I’ve met many people grieving, and similar to you have sick feelings, mind fog, hurt.
You thought you could trust him, but turns out nope, with drink in, that’s not the case. Is he an alcoholic? Has he drank this much before and do inane stuff?
You have 2 types of relationship with your husband. As a romantic partner and Co parent.

So can you stick him in another room in the house or do you want a trial separation / have him out of the house/ while you sort your head out? So do things like Excercise, reiki/ reflexology/ guided meditation works for me, writing all the crap in your head on paper, talk to a therapist. Do you want to talk at couples therapy? Can you somehow take a break from your romantic relationship and get him to Co parent? While you heal your feelings and get a bit of clarity? You deserve a bit of time
to heal after such a shock, and betrayal by two people you trusted.
He cannot expect to wave a magic wand and puff the hurt is gone. Your feelings are real and valid.

As for forgiveness, I remember thinking in a lifetime with someone there is no limit to the number of times you forgive them. As to what you decide to forgive, only you can decide… hugs, that’s very painful.

Um, never straddled my husband's best friend, no.

Oh, and this.

My thoughts exactly.
Are we really expected to believe that while the OP went outside for a cigarette, her husband and best friend thought that would be the perfect opportunity to get it on?! She’d have been outside for 5 minutes!

There’s not one redeeming quality. I don’t say this often as it’s over used so much on here but LTB

Where's the gem part? Get shot

So he is a sex pest and cheated on you with your best friend and won't accept responsibility.

He is most definitely not a gem and will do it again. I don't suppose it is the first time he has done it either. Cheats don't tend to change their behaviour.

My thoughts precisely

Read all the messages after busy morning with the kids. To all the people who insult me by saying I'm not a real person to get some friends instead of trolling 😒 not a troll at all I was only looking for somewhere to vent.
I appreciate some of the comments and will take them on board but I think I'll just leave it now as a lot of people here think lifes just black and white and I can just pack a bag and go 🤣 heads up my arse and I don't think this is actually going to help. I'm off to find some friends and hopefully get some sound advice from them.
Sorry I wasted your time.

This