To be angry at DP for letting DS fall off the bed

[SmallMexicanChihuahua]

DS is 10 months old and recently started crawling. I change him on our bed and I know that I shouldn't but I always watch him very carefully.

This morning DS was playing in the middle of the bed after I'd changed his nappy and DP was next to the bed getting dressed for work. I asked DP to keep an eye on DS while I go downstairs to throw away the nappy and wash my hands. Our house is quite small so this must have taken less than a minute. When I was on top of the stairs I saw DS on the edge of the bed. I shouted, DS fell and DP, who had been on the other side of the bed, ran to pick him up.

DP claimed that he'd only looked down for a second and that it was an accident. I said it must have been more than a second for DS to reach the end of the bed and that it wasn't an accident because DP was being careless. If he couldn't look after DS for 1min he should have said so. DP blamed me for being a perfectionist (which is actually true) and said he never does things good enough for me. Surely keeping your son from falling off the bed for 1 minute isn't too much to ask?

YABU - I shouldn't have left DS on the bed / should accept that it was an accident
YANBU - DP should have been more careful or should have told me if he couldn't look after DS

Getting yourself into a situation where only you can be a "proper" parent and you know everything is a dangerous one. Each parent will do the parenting in their own way; each will have mishaps along the way. Next time it might be you.

Surely keeping your son from falling off the bed for 1 minute isn't too much to ask? This is very harsh and unnecessary. There will come a day when you turn your head for a moment and something untoward happens about which you will fell dreadful - would you want your OH to react as you are? - making you feel even worse? You owe him your support and love, as well as your DS. Think about how he must be feeling.

Don't be that perfect parent who puts the other down - you are a team.

When ds was tiny I changed him on a big footstool thing we had in our living room. I was literally looking at him as I tied the nappy bag up, as he slid gracefully off the other side of it, landed on his bum, and promptly burst into tears, he was about 6 months I think, and I was mortified and so worried. Ds was fine after a minute and a cuddle. Dh took great pleasure in (affectionately) reminding me for years that I was the first to drop the baby, although did admit he was relieved it wasnt him. Until dd came along and he did much the same thing with her, making us even.

Try and learn to laugh about these little parenting stumbles, they happen to everyone, and it's far better to laugh together about them than to fall.out with your partner over them.

Happens to everyone. Certainly my first, can’t remember about the second!

YABU accidents happen even if you're watching them. Also not possible to watch them every second.

It was an accident and your baby was fine. But stop changing him on the bed now he is more mobile.

If this is how you are gonna react to every bump, graze and accident then you have a pretty stressful journey ahead of you for the next 18 years or so. Chill out

I know this isn't the main part of your post but you keep on insisting you were gone less than a minute and using that as a stick to beat your dh with. But how could you have been gone for less than a minute unless your idea of washing your hands is just getting them wet.

Happened to me when I was babysitting aged 16, luckily for my kids, I learnt the lesson. Hopefully your DP has too, probably feels bad too 😉

My first fell off the bed just as I turned round to pick something up off the floor, I swore I’d never let it happen again but guess what…. I was so sleep deprived with my second I changed her nappy and actually stood up and walked away from her while she was laying on the bed. Absolute moment of madness but she was fine. I’d have been so angry if my partner blamed me instead of comforting me (I was inconsolable, sleep deprivation again) they were both accidents and no harm was done

I had such a go at my OH when this happened to our DD.... then I did it myself... TWICE!! Started changing her on the floor after that lol.

This is a good point, perfectionism and raising a child through all life's ups and downs do not mix