To be angry at DP for letting DS fall off the bed

[SmallMexicanChihuahua]

DS is 10 months old and recently started crawling. I change him on our bed and I know that I shouldn't but I always watch him very carefully.

This morning DS was playing in the middle of the bed after I'd changed his nappy and DP was next to the bed getting dressed for work. I asked DP to keep an eye on DS while I go downstairs to throw away the nappy and wash my hands. Our house is quite small so this must have taken less than a minute. When I was on top of the stairs I saw DS on the edge of the bed. I shouted, DS fell and DP, who had been on the other side of the bed, ran to pick him up.

DP claimed that he'd only looked down for a second and that it was an accident. I said it must have been more than a second for DS to reach the end of the bed and that it wasn't an accident because DP was being careless. If he couldn't look after DS for 1min he should have said so. DP blamed me for being a perfectionist (which is actually true) and said he never does things good enough for me. Surely keeping your son from falling off the bed for 1 minute isn't too much to ask?

YABU - I shouldn't have left DS on the bed / should accept that it was an accident
YANBU - DP should have been more careful or should have told me if he couldn't look after DS

I would apologise to DH. These things happen to us all at some point, all 3 of my dc have fallen off something or other. It will happen under your watch at some point too and I am sure you won’t want him being angry with you for it. One of mine fell from a tall slide in the park, and had to go to hospital, my DH wasn’t angry at me, he reassured me that it was an accident and not my fault.

I haven't RTFT

You need to take a deep breath. It happens. Babies bounce. They're fine. It was an accident.

Apologise to your DH, hug your baby and know that everyone is OK.

Cut yourself and your DH some slack. Mine are now teenagers and we’ve survived falls, bike and scooter crashes, sports injuries, epic food poisoning (that started mid flight on the way back from holiday), the time ds1 decided to copy his dad shaving etc etc.

We are all human and we will make mistakes. I tell my DC that I’m making it up as I go along.

My oldest managed to do his first roll, off the bed. I was standing right next to him. He timed it for when I was putting a t-shirt over my head. Being a first time mum I was devastated and rushed him to the doctor. Of course he was absolutely fine.

It will happen to you (or similar) at some point. Will you want your dp to be angry at you?

It was a man accident
it happens so often
my DD launched herself off the sofa, from sitting in between my DH and me, we were both sitting next to her, we both watched as she launched herself from a sitting position
we both semi grabbed an arm / leg
she still fell off - I managed to put a leg out to soften the fall (?)
my es you feel bad for them, but it happens - don’t blame it on your husband

I remember DD1 kicking herself off the sofa on to a wooden floor. I was making her a bottle and DP was watching her but it was over in a second.
We were both in pieces worrying about her but she was absolutely fine
Also happened on the bed with DD2 and DS. Much more relaxed both times.

I'm going to go against the grain here. Your DS was on the bed. Your DP was also on the bed/in the room. He was supposed to watch the baby briefly and couldn't manage it? I think that is pretty poor actually.
Yes, it happens, but often accidents like this are avoidable. It sounds like your DP wasn't paying enough attention. He's defensive because maybe he knows he's in the wrong here?
Babies do sometimes get seriously injured in falls from beds.

I'm sorry you couldn't stay focused on your own child for two minutes? He wasn't even trying accidents happen but seriously?

I don't think he just 'let' him fall off the bed, mistakes happen.

21 years later and I can still vividly remember my firstborn falling off the bed at a similar age. It still happened with both me and DH in the room. It was an accident.

It happened to me with all 3 of my babies. It's the point when you realise that it's no longer safe to leave them unattended/turning your back on them for a split second when theyre in an unsafe place (bed, sofa, etc). You'll now (hopefully) think to pop DS in his cot or on the floor and close the door if you need to pop downstairs again. It's no ones fault, so don't be hard on DH.

So it does happen all the time although I do agree with the frustration- your DP should have recognised it was a possibility and been more attentive, so you're also right to be angry and upset (although probably unreasonably to then write on Mumsnet!)

What I would suggest is to teach your baby to go off edges backwards on their stomach as it will likely happen again now they are mobile. My LO was an early crawler but rather than pick him off the sofa etc. I would guide him off and say 'backwards'. Obviously some areas (like beds!) are quite high and they won't be able to get themselves off alone for a while but it does help with smaller steps they might encounter!

Aw babies are little whippets, and want to explore. Your Partner isn’t in the wrong and try not to make him feel any less of a parent for an accident. Your son will no doubt get up to all sorts and have a few bumps, falls, cuts, grazes etc. I’ve got 4 children, so take it from me, accidents happen. Get them stair gates up, your son is ready to explore his surroundings.

You listed them all!

We've all done it, babies are designed to bounce, thank God!

It was an accident and one day it will happen to you.

Apologise to your DH for making him feel bad.

It happens to us all OP, all it takes is a split second for them to be fine and then the next they've fallen or tripped or something.

When my DD was 9 months she'd just learned to crawl and she'd appeared right in front of me as I was mid-step, before I could even react I'd kicked her headfirst into a cupboard door! She shook herself off, giggled and carried on

You won't have been less than a minute, unless you ran down the stairs and back up again and didn't bother to wash and dry your hands properly.

At some point in the next few months this will almost definitely happen while you're in charge and at that point you should probably apologise to DH. I'm sure DC is fine, it's not great but happens to all babies at some point 💐

Happens to our first dc, on a weekend away. Oops. Get over it everyone is human

At 10 months babies can move incredibly fast. I would tend to believe your dp when he said it Only took a second.

I suggest you push your DH to have more time alone with your DS, not less (and I speak as someone with perfectionist tendencies myself). The more he feels like a full parent (not someone who just “watches” the baby when you can’t be there), the more confident he’ll be, the better he’ll know your DS and his habits, and the fewer accidents will happen. It’s a vicious circle if we constantly hover - their parental skills don’t develop properly and therefore they make more mistakes and therefore we feel we have to hover more ……

My DS rolled off the bed twice as a baby. I was utterly mortified both times and felt like a terrible parent, especially the second time. Despite your very best efforts, babies can move incredibly quickly. I think i had taken my eye off him for a second before he had rolled away far enough so i couldn't grab him in time to stop him. Luckily he wasn't badly hurt, just shocked I think. YANBU at all to be upset but I think you were unreasonable to speak to your husband that way. I felt dreadful enough and I would have been devastated if my husband had implied I was incapable of looking after him for a minute. Most of us are just doing our best.

If this hasn't happened in your family at least once then you are a god