To be angry at DP for letting DS fall off the bed

[SmallMexicanChihuahua]

DS is 10 months old and recently started crawling. I change him on our bed and I know that I shouldn't but I always watch him very carefully.

This morning DS was playing in the middle of the bed after I'd changed his nappy and DP was next to the bed getting dressed for work. I asked DP to keep an eye on DS while I go downstairs to throw away the nappy and wash my hands. Our house is quite small so this must have taken less than a minute. When I was on top of the stairs I saw DS on the edge of the bed. I shouted, DS fell and DP, who had been on the other side of the bed, ran to pick him up.

DP claimed that he'd only looked down for a second and that it was an accident. I said it must have been more than a second for DS to reach the end of the bed and that it wasn't an accident because DP was being careless. If he couldn't look after DS for 1min he should have said so. DP blamed me for being a perfectionist (which is actually true) and said he never does things good enough for me. Surely keeping your son from falling off the bed for 1 minute isn't too much to ask?

YABU - I shouldn't have left DS on the bed / should accept that it was an accident
YANBU - DP should have been more careful or should have told me if he couldn't look after DS

17 years later and I can still hear the thud.

10mo olds can crawl super fast. A fall/tumble is inevitable and usually there are many more as they learn to walk & run. You are being really unfair to say a common accident was due to your DH being careless.

He was watching for two minutes not two hours I get it happens but ffs not in that short space of time

It's really upsetting when it happens but it does happen unfortunately! My best advice is to try and be a team and stay on the same side, don't be too hard on each other when someone slips up.

@SmallMexicanChihuahua

maybe you shouting startled DS, distracted DH?

but I'm more surprised he's this age & it's the first time this has happened!!

Most importantly, have you got stair gates top & bottom of the stairs?

you should already be diligent about using them!

if not, that's this weekends plan sorted for you!

I'm sure you're rolling your 👀 & thinking he's barely crawling, but in hours they can go from 'not crawling' to 'crawling like a ninja!!'

And me. I didn't know he could turn and I was downstairs and heard it. He was fine but I wasn't.

It happens so much and it's frightening the first time when it's your first baby. But babies are like magicians, they can move very far very quickly, especially when there's the opportunity for daredevil shit.

Apologise for overreacting and move on. This doesn't need to be made into a bigger deal than it already is.

DH and I have two DC and we learnt very early on that we both have made mistakes with situations like this and blaming each other doesn’t help. You will also do something stupid at some stage and you’ll hope for some kindness from your DH

My 9 month old is so hard to keep alive, I don’t put him on the bed unless there are two of us there to chase him around the edges whilst he’s happily trying to throw himself off

Babies move a lot faster than you think. It was an accident, he probably feels awful. So YABU, you left your child on the bed and he will be feeling awful about it.

Remember they can’t fall off the floor .

What everyone else said. Honestly OP, it happens. They are quite bouncy when they are that age. Its horrible and scary but unless they drop onto their bare heads on a hard floor its generally nothing to worry about. I am still astonished I have managed to keep mine alive into their teens. Only a lifetime to go...

It was an accident and it happens. However I can see why you’re annoyed he couldn’t stop what he was doing for 1 min to let you do an essential task without juggling

Accidents like this happen all the time once they get mobile. They are so fast it could literally take half a second. If dp was getting changed would it not have been better to put the baby on the floor and shut the door if you haven’t got a stair gate. Pretty shitty for blaming dp though

It was an accident, that could have been entirely avoided if you hadn’t changed him on the bed and let him play on there in the first place.

Hugh five your DH for getting you out if it being your fault! Seriously though you need to dial down the PFB syndrome...

I don't think so, he was at the very edge of the bed and crawling forward towards the gap. I don't even know if I shouted before or after he fell.

You too will one day let the baby fall off the bed or otherwise fail to prevent an accident. It happens. The new crawling phase is like this and just wait till you get to new walking!

Happened to me a few months ago! Baby was maybe 7 months old. Horrible fright but I'm told it happens to everyone and this is just further proof

Thank you, I can see how I may have been too critical with things like feeding. I'll try to be careful as I do tend to want things done my way and don't always realise it.

I certainly don't want DP to feel like he can't get involved, I was actually upset with him yesterday as I wanted him to spend more time with DS and I. But I guess I need to try and be less critical or I'll get the opposite result.

I'll try to be careful as I do tend to want things done my way and don't always realise it.

You don’t have a right to have it all your way. Your DP can parent however he likes and he needs to find his own way to be with your son without you trying to micromanage their relationship.

Show me a parent where something similar hasn't happened. Walloping their heads on doorframes and car roofs whilst putting them in their carseat are also common occurrences. It's not great and you try and ensure it doesn't happen but accidents happen and you feel absolutely awful when they do, but going ballistic with a partner is not a good idea unless they are particularly careless

You’re being incredibly unfair. This could so easily have happened to you too if you leave your DC on the bed all the time. You’re not in a position to judge at all. No one intends for their child to fall - but most children do at some point! And more than once, so there’s a very good chance your DS will still take a big tumble under your watch at some point, that’s just life with babies and toddlers. And then you’re going to look back on this and feel like a right arse for reacting this way to your DH. How would you feel if he then read you the riot act the way you did with him today? Seriously, the guilt you feel is bad enough without having someone berate you for it on top of that - especially when that someone is actually being very hypocritical.

YABU. You'll realise this when it happens on your watch. Which it will.

It happens to most parents

But I think your dh is bu if he thinks making sure a baby doesn't fall of a high surface is being a 'perfectionist'