To be angry at DP for letting DS fall off the bed

[SmallMexicanChihuahua]

DS is 10 months old and recently started crawling. I change him on our bed and I know that I shouldn't but I always watch him very carefully.

This morning DS was playing in the middle of the bed after I'd changed his nappy and DP was next to the bed getting dressed for work. I asked DP to keep an eye on DS while I go downstairs to throw away the nappy and wash my hands. Our house is quite small so this must have taken less than a minute. When I was on top of the stairs I saw DS on the edge of the bed. I shouted, DS fell and DP, who had been on the other side of the bed, ran to pick him up.

DP claimed that he'd only looked down for a second and that it was an accident. I said it must have been more than a second for DS to reach the end of the bed and that it wasn't an accident because DP was being careless. If he couldn't look after DS for 1min he should have said so. DP blamed me for being a perfectionist (which is actually true) and said he never does things good enough for me. Surely keeping your son from falling off the bed for 1 minute isn't too much to ask?

YABU - I shouldn't have left DS on the bed / should accept that it was an accident
YANBU - DP should have been more careful or should have told me if he couldn't look after DS

Hmmm. Not sure about that tbf. I'm a really laid back parent but have this thing, that probably most Mums do, of envisioning the worst possible case scenario so neither of my DS ever fell off the bed. Saying that I know this happens A LOT and these things happen. Don't beat yourself or your husband up about it. As long as the baby is ok chalk it up to experience.

That's exactly how I felt, I was literally gone for less than a minute and specifically asked DP to watch that DS doesn't fall during that time. That's why I was so angry but I guess babies do crawl really fast.

Thank you, I needed to hear this. We are usually a good team but I seem to have picked up some awful habits from my own parents.

Unless you want your DP to lecture you about your stupidity and recklessness when your baby or toddler falls down or off something: YABU. Because they will. Imagine how you'd feel if on top of the sick feeling of watching it happen, your partner was lecturing you about how shit you are.

My firstborn fell off the bed. They all do. Little fuckers are fast and surprising. My second born fell all the way down the stairs as a toddler. Literally tumbled head over foot from top step to bottom. I didn't stop shaking for a full 24 hours. (He was fine.) DH didn't tell me I should have been holding his hand or watching more closely. He gave me a cuddle and said I hadn't done anything wrong and everything was OK and I should forgive myself.

YABU - babies are so quick! You probably shouldn’t change him on the bed any more though and maybe get a nappy bin upstairs so you don’t have to leave him to put the nappy in the bin etc.

No, DS was just about to fall when I saw him, I may have shouted after he fell, although I realise that it didn't sound like that in the OP.

He's fallen a couple of times before on our very soft rug and not face first so that didn't feel as bad for some reason.

We are yet to do any babyproofing, I know it's really bad, but we took ages trying to decide on the brand/product. Hopefully we'll sort it out soon but in the meantime I watch DS super close and get to him as soon as he's near a dangerous part of the house.

I remember another mum telling me her "baby crawled unexpectedly off the bed" story when I was pregnant. I thought "Good thing she warned me, I'll be more careful!" Then when DD was crawling age, THUNK. It happens to nearly every parent and babies move so fast and so unexpectedly sometimes. There are going to be lots of tumbles ahead of you. I know it's nerve-wracking!

PFB

Ok, I did not "go ballistic": I was quite upset and couldn't understand how this could have happened in the very short time (under a minute) that I was gone, provided that DP was right next to the bed and supposed to watch him.

Also, I don't "leave DS on the bed all the time" - only when one of us is right next to him, which was the case. We have very little floor space in the bedroom, with lots of sharp edges where DS can hit his head as he tries to climb on, plus the part where we do have a tiny bit of space was on the other side of the room from where DH was standing. So it seemed a good idea at the time to leave DS for a minute on the bed where he'd be closer to DH who could see him better than if he'd been on the floor.

I was quite upset and couldn't understand how this could have happened in the very short time

Accidents happen in seconds.

Hopefully your DP won’t struggle to understand how it happened when you bash your kids head against a door going through it, watch them run into the wall or accidentally stop them when they’re wriggling.

Accidents happen to all parents and many of them will happen to you too.

I can only echo other posters who have said it happens to 99% of babies and it will most probably happen when he's under your watch too. So I'd lay off the accusations of him not being a good parent or doing it right unless you want them thrown back in your face when something happens when you're in charge of him.

Your child is fine and this isn't the last time he will hurt himself. You should definitely look into child proofing though especially if there's lots of hazards in the spaces he spends part of his day.

*drop

It was an accident, sorry. This happened on my watch and I’m a good parent. They move so bloody fast!

Thank you all who offered advice. I can see that I was being shitty and have apologised to DP.

Imagine all the things you haven't done so perfectly that no-one has been there to witness and then shout at you for and made you feel so shitty. Then you say you've been critical of lots of other things. Jesus imagine if your partner did that to you - you'd be in tears and mn would be saying to ltb in droves.

Your not perfect, you have no right to dictate to another person to do things your way all the time

Now you say you haven't baby proofed the house yet - so half of that decision is down to you as well. Will you now go shout at yourself for not having done so and how its a danger to your baby. Honestly.

Our daughter rolled off our bed in the time it took me to sneeze, wait until you blink and they’re hanging off the back of the sofa!

Ahh congrats OP you've got that dreaded first bump out of the way. It really does happen to them all and I wouldn't worry too much. Blaming DP won't help. My DS now like to chuck all the cushions off the bed and launch himself off the bed! But honestly all of mine have at some point rolled off the bed I think it's a right of passage x

Accidents happen.

You need to breathe.

Ha! I don't need to imagine anything here - I criticise myself for pretty much everything all of the time. The joys of perfectionism 😂😂

I am very aware that I am not perfect but thanks.

I did not shout at my partner.

I may have been critical but wouldn't say it was for "lots of other things".

Wow, I most certainly don't dictate to anyone to do things my way all the time! Where did you get that from?

Yes, I do feel bad for not babyproofing the house yet. Happy?

It was an accident. An accident that happens to a lot (most?) babies. YABU, it could easily have been you and probably will be at some point.

Jeez. DD1 rolled off the kitchen counter!
Give your DH a break. It happens all the time.

@Rainallnight and once they have figured out pulling themselves up and climbing lol

It was an accident, and I bet he got a fright too. My DS rolled off the sofa once when he was that age (possibly younger) I'd also turned my back for a second. I felt so bad. Thankfully he had a GP appointment that morning and I explained what had happened, and if she could do a quick check over to see if he was ok. He was fine. I didn't get a "telling off" These things happen

A friends husband told me that he was so relieved that she had been the one who let the baby fall off the bed first because otherwise she probablymwould have divorced him.

It happens to everyone. At 10 months they are crawling and remarkably quick and mobile.

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