To phone in sick with stress? Is this stressful enough to warrant it?

[Stressypants5]

Nc as outing.

I've been off work this week with a bad back (genuinely so) I strained it nearly two weeks ago, worked through the first week but it was so sore and sitting down was aggravating it. Since I've been off though it's like it's just hit me how stressed I am.

Reasons:
Mil had a stroke seven weeks ago - home now but me and dh are helping with care (we want to) but it's time consuming when we have very little spare

My mum has had 4 episodes of atrial fibrillation in the last few months, I feel like that's a ticking time bomb.

Dd 3 started nursery in September and within a week had an application in for 1 to 1 support teacher also requested gp referral for assessment for sen, dd has no sense of danger and needs constant supervision outside, will run into a road without a second thought. Also have ds4 who is a handful in a typical 4yo way.

I work two jobs, first is stressful as everything is very closely monitored, can't slack off or get up go get a drink etc. Second job is my etay store which supplements the first job being part time for childcare reasons and that has died a death this month. Down 80% on an average month.

Dh is stressed too, our marriage is at a roommate stage which is also a huge concern but again bottom of pile

Is this alot? I've been awake since 3 contemplating what to do. I don't know if I'm just weak minded or if it is a lot to have on. My friendships have all but evaporated since having kids so I've got no one to vent to

Sounds a lot to me, but it's how it feels to you that matters. I'm sorry you're going through all that.

Absolutely phone in sick and take care of yourself

Stress is a medical condition - you don't need to try and judge if you are "justified" in suffering from it. You are suffering from it. Speak to your GP, they will make a judgment whether you need to be signed off or not. And be upfront with your employer, if they are likely to be compassionate.

It doesn't have to be a lot - it is how you feel (but it is a lot).

Have you been at your work more than 2 years? Only reason I ask is it's really easy to sack people if they've been there less than 2 years so I would bear that in mind as it sounds like losing the job would make you even more stressed

So why would tomorrow be any different from today? How long will you be off work? It’s not very responsible to skip work every time things get difficult.

Agree with @2greenroses - if you're stressed, you can't talk yourself out of it. That is a lot, anyway, but people could be off with less or in with more - what matters is you are feeling how you are feeling.

This is a pathetic attitude.

Yes a lot, besides it's about how you feel. A bit of rest might help you boost your strength to fight even if tomorrow is the same.

I've been there for 7 years so I'd be trickier to sack thankfully.

nothing will change I guess, but having one less ball to juggle would be so welcome, I'm just trying to keep it together but it's exhausting.

Is your employer understanding? If they are I would speak to them in the first instance. I’m going through a similarly tricky time and I went to my boss and the result is I will be stepping back and taking a few weeks off but I haven’t had to go off sick if that makes sense. It’s allowing me a bit of time to handover properly and ensure that everything is completed and will be kept up to date while I’m off. That’s far better for the company and for me than me going off poorly with no notice. Obviously that very much depends on how flexible your employer is but if they are generally good it might be worth a chat.

Personally I would just tell work that your back is still bad if you need a little more time.

I think despite what you have going on being off work and being incapacitated to some extent by your back could well be fueling stress and anxiety. Something to do with stress hormones/Cortisol being released but not being used by activity etc. If you are up to it get out for a walk and you might feel a little better.

It sounds like a lot but that's not really the point. People react to things / handle stress in different ways. Everybody's different. I would suggest try to be thoughtful about how you manage the situation. If you need to take some time do so, but also consider whether it is likely to cause issues with your job (shouldn't but some companies aren't great), and how you will manage when you go back. It sounds like in order to address the underlying issue you need to reduce your commitments and do more to actively manage the remaining stress. For example, can your husband do more of the care for MIL, can you afford to reduce hours at work, can you afford to stop the Ebay store, do you have any family support for childcare during evenings and at weekends, etc. Mindfulness, exercise, and avoiding alcohol can help with stress, as well as CBT. You could also visit your GP for medication to help if needed.

Call in sick but be mindful you will need a fit note from your doctor if you are off 7 days or more in a row.

It doesn't matter what others think of your reasons for being stressed. It is no one else's business. It is a subjective thing and what matters is how you feel about the situation.

Look after yourself as a priority.

Fyi, stress can exacerbate back pain! Your body is telling you to rest.

I think it’s not so much the amount of stress but how you are feeling/managing.
Some people seem to be able to handle a huge amount of stress, can compartmentalise all their different stressors and keep on going. Others might have less stressors but find themselves feeling dreadful - not sleeping well, loss or increased appetite, brain refusing to turn off, physical health responses etc.

Only you can say how you’re doing and feeling. Long term stress is exhausting and needing a break, if you can, might help you regain some strength, see if there’s anything that could be done to make some of the stressors more manageable in the long term and to look into things that can help long term stress - relaxation techniques, any changes to diet, changes to routine, if there’s any other family/HCPs that can help with your DM, calming Apps you could try etc. Literally anything that might help is worth trying. Feeling tired is one thing. Feeling totally exhausted and depleted is another. It sounds like if you can get some time off work, it would be helpful.

It does sound like a lot, it sounds awful. The question really is whether you are capable of working - it sounds like things have hit such a point that you aren't.

I would talk to your boss and hope they help. I had a day off this week because I just hit a wall and couldn't cope, and if I'd needed more frankly I would have taken it.

Is there any way to use some of the time off to make things a bit more hopeful?

To me the situation that stands out is your MIL, in that she or your dh on her behalf could outsource some of that care - you may not want to but if it could be done it might help.

Your back - what's the plan there, is there treatment coming up, have you seen your GP? Pain and restricted movement are incredibly stressful in themselves. If I were your boss I'd want you to see occupational health if you have access to it, and perhaps a physio. There is a lot of good information on the NHS pages with exercises, if you can possibly use a bit of the time off to start on them?

And I would use a bit of the time off to find half an hour to go for a walk with your dh. Just a moment or two to try even the smallest move towards reconnecting. There were phases of my life when it was only my dh who made things bearable (though sometimes tbh he was the stress...)

I do wish you well.

I'm sorry I don't want to sound harsh but this poster has a point.

All of these individual things sound very stressful and difficult and you have my profound sympathy, you have an awful lot going on. I think it would be totally understandable for you to take a day off to deal with it as a one off.

But I don't know if any of them are immediate stress triggers in the sense that would be understood at work. Many of them have been there for a while. I think you need to get some professional support: have you talked to your GP about this? You need to talk to someone.

I think if you phoned in immediately after a week's sick leave with your back and said you now had stress people would be suspicious. That may be harsh or unfair but its the reality and difficult to disprove with something like stress. Could you not just book a couple of days off instead to decompress and rest? Losing your job into the bargain would be very difficul.

You clearly are feeling stressed, and there isn’t a minimal criteria. Go and speak to your GP. Take care

I'm sorry these pressures are all bottlenecking, OP, but it sounds just like life. Aging parents at one end, child issues at the other, and us in the middle - and then, when our health takes a beating, everything seems so much worse.

Take time, something has to give and you need rest and recuperation. Take work out of the equation while you get some sort of plan in place that will help these stressful situations going forward. You need your head to be clear to do this. If you have a plan then you will be able to function at work which is one less big worry. I would think if you don't do this you will 'burn out' which takes a lot of time to recover from, you'll be no good to anyone (yourself included). Best of luck OP - remember that you are a priority if you are looking after and looking out for others constantly x

I'm sorry you're going through a hard time and it does sound like you've got a lot going on. If you think a couple of weeks off work would help then maybe a call/visit to your GP is in order. If your surgery offer econsult then that's usually a good way to be able to write down everything that's going on and explain how you're feeling (and saves hours on the phone trying to get through!).
Maybe utilise the time to sit down with your DH and talk about how you're going to manage things going forward and remind him you're a team and need to support each other.
I hope things improve for you and wish you the very best.

That sounds A LOT. Sorry you're going through it. Everyone's capacity for dealing with stress is unique to them & only YOU know how you feel.

It sounds like you might need some pressure relief for a bit, to allow you to process/get on top of some things, so seeing your GP as soon as possible & getting signed off work for a while would be a good move.

Don't feel guilty about it. Be kind to yourself. It's not as if you're bailing at the 1st sign of difficulty or being flaky in any way. Ignore anyone who implies this.

All the best. X

Do it.
The time off will buy you breathing space which will help you cope in future.
You will be able to process what is going on with your daughter (when my dd was flagged I was reeling, but time spent looking into what I was dealing with, what my options were and what I needed to do to put things in place for her got me straight again) you need time to do that.
Ditto your mil, her needs and the care routine will have time to settle.
Rest.
Take the time off.

Stress is stress and sometimes you can't pinpoint a reason for it, you obviously can, take the time off and look after yourself x

Thank you everyone, I appreciate all the input. In fact it's reduced me to tears the kindness of you.

As a pp said I think I haven't processed much of any of these. I was absolutely astounded at nursery and the long term implications that could have. Mils stroke was quite traumatic, it was out of the blue and she had had to have two surgeries to save her life and there was a period of about 48 hours where we didnt know which way it would go. It's just been alot

I agree with @Zanatdy

We all handle things differently, there isn’t a check box. You need to do you for a while, and if you’re struggling it’s ok.

I hope take the time you need x