To phone in sick with stress? Is this stressful enough to warrant it?

[Stressypants5]

Nc as outing.

I've been off work this week with a bad back (genuinely so) I strained it nearly two weeks ago, worked through the first week but it was so sore and sitting down was aggravating it. Since I've been off though it's like it's just hit me how stressed I am.

Reasons:
Mil had a stroke seven weeks ago - home now but me and dh are helping with care (we want to) but it's time consuming when we have very little spare

My mum has had 4 episodes of atrial fibrillation in the last few months, I feel like that's a ticking time bomb.

Dd 3 started nursery in September and within a week had an application in for 1 to 1 support teacher also requested gp referral for assessment for sen, dd has no sense of danger and needs constant supervision outside, will run into a road without a second thought. Also have ds4 who is a handful in a typical 4yo way.

I work two jobs, first is stressful as everything is very closely monitored, can't slack off or get up go get a drink etc. Second job is my etay store which supplements the first job being part time for childcare reasons and that has died a death this month. Down 80% on an average month.

Dh is stressed too, our marriage is at a roommate stage which is also a huge concern but again bottom of pile

Is this alot? I've been awake since 3 contemplating what to do. I don't know if I'm just weak minded or if it is a lot to have on. My friendships have all but evaporated since having kids so I've got no one to vent to

HRTFT but have you applied for DLA for DC? Depending on earnings you could apply for carer's allowance. If you were awarded full DLA, I think it's about £600 per month (I get PIP) and carers would be another £240 a month.
If you received it for your DC you could also access things like the family fund. There are posts on MN that could help. Sorry if you already are or have previously mentioned it up thread.

Yes, I’d go with trapped nerve, back seized up. Give yourself a couple of days respite.

You should take time off from your paid job if you're not physically capable being able to do your work or if the work you are doing has damaged your mental health.

I am sorry, but I do not believe in taking time off work because you are feeling that you have too much to juggle. Old people get sick and need care. Children have additional needs. It happens to everyone. It's just how life goes. Now you're the matriarch. Step up and be strong for your family, like generations of your ancestors did to get you here today.

Reframe the way you're thinking about it: Your family have needs, which the government is helping to take care of with services paid for by tax. This is a wonderful thing. Go to work, do a grand day's work and pay your tax. Save your sick days for when you are sick.

You don't need to justify it to yourself.

If you need time off then take it. You come before your job. Look after yourself.

Is it bad enough to go to the doctor about?

This.

also re your mum and atrial fibrillation, I’ve had this for the last 25 plus years and still here living my life. AF is a nuisance and luckily not a death sentence, I’m only saying that in case that’s at the back of your already stressed mind. Take some time off, recharge your batteries, sounds like you need to.

Wishing you all the best.

I wouldn’t go off sick today without it being planned bc it leaves others in the lurch and doesn’t look good. But I would approach your managers about some compassionate leave which you could use to recuperate, and put some caring strategies in place. Good luck op

You'll get martyrs idiots on MN telling you to crawl into work with two broken legs after being run over by a HGV. These people haven't lived your life or your experiences. Ignore them. And it's no wonder there is such a. Mental health crisis when people are told their issues are not enough to be considered an illness. Good thing most of these twats aren't doctors.

Take the time off for you. Look after yourself and think about speaking with your GP.

What a shitty guilt trippy post! Fuck your mental health go pay tax?! Bloody hell!

I am sorry you are feeling stressed OP. I would be too with that on my plate.

You are juggling a lot:
Care for a sick MIL
Two under 5s, one with possible ND/SEN
Your own mother is ill
Two part-time jobs: one salaried, one a small private business
A worn relationship with your dp
Back pain

Realistically you can't do all of it. You will have to prioritise whether the money is more important or your time.

Short term, I think you do need Two weeks off work - ask the Dr to put "recovery from back pain and non work related stress".

If it hurts to sit you need a dse risk assessment and possibly a better, more adjustable chair and a sit stand desk or riser for the laptop/keyboard.

Sort yourself out a good physio for your back (you will have to pay for this) and find a medically trained pilates instructor to strengthen your core. Meanwhile if you aren't already taking anti-inflammatories ask for them and take them as prescribed - not just when your back hurts.

When you feel a bit better have a proper think about whether it is feasible to continue to provide MILs care. Explore carers if you and your dh both have to work.

Could you up your salaried hours a bit to have money to contract out some of the "shit". It sounds counter-intuitive but I was never more tired than working part-time with DC. Full/time was better - I paid others to pick up the rubbish bits and didn't feel guilty. And also had a few more pennies to spend on me.

When you feel a bit better, could you give up work? Ask for 6 months' unpaid leave if that's an option.

Sadly I don't think the problems are going to go away but you need a way to reduce their burden on you both physically and emotionally.

Somehow you need to make some time for you - even if it's just a walk or going to book-club or something

It sounds very tough and I hope youbget through this very sticky patch.

Your employment is not there to give you free money. It's not an entitlement. You have to earn it. Sick pay is for sick people, not busy people.

🙄

Your family have needs, which the government is helping to take care of with services paid for by tax. This is a wonderful thing. Go to work, do a grand day's work and pay your tax.

Yes, tis a wonderful thing indeed that we are all afforded the privilege of paying more tax to fund worsening public services that we have to wait longer for! Hurrah! Skip to to work with a song in your heart, OP. Be productive and grateful for the opportunity to serve!

FFS.

All of that is tough and stressful

but also, all of that is part and parcel of life, sadly

i just wonder: would you take off sick with stress again next week and week after? Next month? If not, what will have changed?

it would be a good idea to look at managing stress and life going forward

bit saying you should not take a day off, if you are unable to work. But all this stuff is just life.

Hope you have a few positive things happen in your life soon. Take care

@CinnamonJellyBeans actually sick pay is usually a contractual entitlement and the SSP part is a government obligation providing a doctor or other appropriate health professional considers a person to be so. Stress is an illness; pain prevents one from working.

Can all those telling OP that her problems are "just life" and "everyone" is in the same boat confirm that they are also personally caring for an elderly relative, whilst simultaneously parenting a child with SEND, whilst working two jobs and dealing with chronic pain?

Because most people I know are not in that boat.

You don't need to justify yourself. You are completely stressed and run-down. Speak to your GP as soon as you can and definitely take some time off.
Something has to give at this point.
We understand so much more now about taking just as much care of our mental health as the physical.
Hope you can also make time for a talk with DH about whether you can do anything between you to ease the pressure. And just to reassure yourselves that you have each others' back.
It comes back to the old cliche of putting your own oxygen mask on first.

Honestly, I personally don't think you should sign off with stress if you're only sacrificing your paid employment because you know you'll still get a guaranteed income.

Get carers for MIL. Wrap up your Etsy business. The children are in childcare so don't require constant supervision in the day. All 3 year olds require constant supervision by roads.

That is a lot, and please take it from someone who ignored the stress this year and severely crashed and burned - sometimes you need time out from work to recover and focus on your personal life. You’re not a drone, you’re not there to build the company up, that’s the owners job. You’re there to earn money, but you come first. I really hope you manage to get some time to refocus on what’s important

Pain can trigger stress and stress can trigger pain. You need to speak to a doctor about how you are feeling and they will decide if you are fit to return to work.

Practically speaking you need to rethink a few things as a family. Change whatever can be changed.

Nb don’t do any eBay during this period, believe me when I say some work martyr knobber at work will check on this and report it. People with 2 jobs not showing up for one get extra special levels of attention.

I'm sorry your mil has been ill. Your mum's af should be easily managed with meds though so don't worry too much about that though of course it will be concerning. Can you get support through school with your dc?

If people reach a point where there their health is compromised through stress so they are struggling to sleep and function then yes time off may be indicated but try strategies to cope before that point . It doesn't look like anything will change anytime soon so you need to find ways to cope with what is going on.

If you have 2 weeks off now what happens in a month, 2 months when you still have 2 young dc and your dm still has AF? Use the time off you've had
with a bad back to recharge your batteries .

How much do you want/need the job? Yes your life is very stressful but as others have said this isn’t temporary.

While I understand you want to care for your MIL this does not seem realistic given you have 4 children, 2 under 5, one with SEN, and two jobs. Maybe a week to get things a bit sorted would be reasonable, but personally I feel going off sick with stress long term is really only OK when the stress is job related (eg bullying, overload).

I think this is the crux, nothing much can be done. I can't not have two jobs because of finances unfortunately, though in that sense I'm weirdly relieved for the drop in sales because I think I'd be failing that too.

Mil is pretty much out the woods but getting support in place is ongoing. My mum has more health conditions than I could shake a stick at so the af is just a new concern. No one in the maternal line in the last 3 generations has lived past 54 though, which as she approaches that age I'm starting to worry as the health scares are more in line with what finished my grandma and great grandma off e.g. heart problems./strokes.

The sen worries me endlessly, he's always been social and smart but does have traits of asd. All 3yo obviously need supervision but this is a child who will run out infront of an oncoming car. I see plenty of children his age who remain on pavements on scooters or little bikes. He is so impulsive it is terrifying. If he is on reins he thrashes about, which results in my having to carry him. He's a big boy and it's physically hard.

I just feel like I'm burnt out. I really am pulled in 4 or 5 different directions, each of them arguably deserving my full attention in their own right.

It’s definitely a lot, and I’m not surprised you’re stressed out. However, I would question how phoning in sick with stress will actually help. How will the time off relieve your stress long term? How will it feel having to go back? I think if you’re doing it because you just can’t cope then you won’t feel any more ready to cope next week or the week after. And in that case what you’re really doing is quitting work.

It doesn’t matter how much is going on in your life if you are feeling stressed and unable to work you need time off.

everyone has different tolerances and only you know what your own tolerance is