To phone in sick with stress? Is this stressful enough to warrant it?

[Stressypants5]

Nc as outing.

I've been off work this week with a bad back (genuinely so) I strained it nearly two weeks ago, worked through the first week but it was so sore and sitting down was aggravating it. Since I've been off though it's like it's just hit me how stressed I am.

Reasons:
Mil had a stroke seven weeks ago - home now but me and dh are helping with care (we want to) but it's time consuming when we have very little spare

My mum has had 4 episodes of atrial fibrillation in the last few months, I feel like that's a ticking time bomb.

Dd 3 started nursery in September and within a week had an application in for 1 to 1 support teacher also requested gp referral for assessment for sen, dd has no sense of danger and needs constant supervision outside, will run into a road without a second thought. Also have ds4 who is a handful in a typical 4yo way.

I work two jobs, first is stressful as everything is very closely monitored, can't slack off or get up go get a drink etc. Second job is my etay store which supplements the first job being part time for childcare reasons and that has died a death this month. Down 80% on an average month.

Dh is stressed too, our marriage is at a roommate stage which is also a huge concern but again bottom of pile

Is this alot? I've been awake since 3 contemplating what to do. I don't know if I'm just weak minded or if it is a lot to have on. My friendships have all but evaporated since having kids so I've got no one to vent to

You're right - our ancestors didn't have sick leave or the ability to stop working because life was stressful. My grandparents were all immigrants who ran their own shops, worked 6 days a week from the age of 12 or 13 - if they hadn't gone to work they'd have starved. And they did that through multiple deaths of children, husbands/wives, wars, serious illnesses, etc. While being extremely poor and having no NHS available.

Not commenting on what the op should or shouldn't do, but to imply that our ancestors had it easier than we do is an absolute joke.

Some of these posts have made me feel quite useless tbh. I feel so drained and burnt out by these last few months. I get people get ill and on its own I could probably deal with mil situation no problem, but it's like I've got no avenue to turn down where there isn't stress. Every aspect of life is currently hard.

I don't want time off for a holiday, or for time offs sake and I resent that implication. I hate ringing in sick, I've worked through shingles and covid this year to avoid ringing in. But I physically couldn't sit down to do my job and finished midway through a shift so I could move on to my bed and stretch my back out.

I started the post to see if I had more or less going on than others and it seems a mixed bag

The absolute bullshit comments on here about the OP's mental health not being a good enough excuse are appalling!

If you’re stressed, you’re stressed - there’s no need to justify it, and it’s a medical condition. Get yourself signed off and start taking care of yourself.

I do however think it’s important to start thinking about what you can change to limit stress/help you deal with it. Most workplaces don’t offer indefinite sick leave, and in a week, or two week, or six weeks, or 6 months when you have to go back to work to pay the bills, either something has to have changed or the cycle starts again.

@BloodAndFire

‘You're right - our ancestors didn't have sick leave or the ability to stop working because life was stressful’.

I get the impression from your post that the previous generations had it harder because they couldn’t take time off? Clearly, as you have stated, sick leave is a useful tool to lessening stress then?

Glad thats cleared up, that settles it-OP don’t make life harder for yourself, take the sick leave, sounds like it will help.

Mil has cancer, fil spent weeks in critical care earlier this year on a ventilator. Dad also has cancer, heart problems, kidney failure, and had a series of mini strokes. All in their mid 70s.

i'm freelance and working on 3 different contracts atm with no guarantee of work beyond March. I'm trying not to relapse into eating disorder and drug/alcohol abuse.

Two children, one just started secondary school and having a very difficult time, needs a lot of support. Husband's job at risk.

house needs urgent repairs (leaking roof, dangerous wiring etc) and we don't know if we can afford our new mortgage when fixed rate ends, and to fix the house. Just found our pet needs an expensive operation, my daughter would be devastated to lose him. Don't have a car so primary school run is an hour's round trip walk twice a day.

Is that good enough for you? Am I allowed to comment? I think yes, this is what life is like for pretty much everyone. Lucky you if you live a charmed life.

Why are you making things up? I didn't say that at all. You're just lying.

I think my grandparents were way more robust and strong as a result, and most of them lived into their 90s.

I never, ever call in for various reason but the main one being it has huge implications for those who have to cover.
However I was forced to with d&v for a 48hrs and I was ill day 1. Slept the whole day. Day 2 I then felt reasonable but had to be off. The difference that one day has made is incredible. I sorted some house stuff, some minor admin that was piling up, I read a book and rested.
I don’t think being off long term is the answer but based on the benefits I’ve just seen, I absolutely think you’re justified to have a mental health day or two to gather yourself and breathe.

When my mum died I'd had a couple of weeks off work as compassionate leave then had gone back in. A couple of weeks later I had a huge falling out with my only sibling (still not resolved 12 years later) which resulted in him throwing out his teenage daughter as she took my side......she had to move in with me as a result. Also I was constantly getting called into my sons school as he was struggling, my marriage was breaking down and I had sole responsibility for dealing with my mums estate as well as caring for my 2 children and working.

It was too much.

I went to see my GP and her attitude was that she couldn't fix my situation but she could help by signing me off work so I had one less thing to worry about and a little bit of extra time to deal with the other things or to take care of myself.

Get yourself signed off OP and don't feel bad about it. It may not solve your problems but it might just give you the breathing space you need to come up with a plan.

You need to make changes to your life if you can't cope, if you are caring for a relative get paid help (my in laws are retired and had paid help, they eventually put her into a home as it was too much). You need to find solutions to the problems, if you take a week off sick what's going to be different? You need to change something if you can't cope. Change jobs, get outside help with your children, pay for someone to have your children and have a night with your husband... etc.

There's a difference between feeling stressed and overloaded because you have a lot on your plate and suffering from the medical condition of stress.
One warrants sick time off work. One doesn't.

The OP was doing the Etsy store for financial reasons. Where is she going to get the money to get all this paid help in?

You cannot work at all if you have a mental breakdown.
We all need down time and I wouldn’t think twice about having a couple of MH days if I needed them.

However, I think you need to seriously look at you life and see what changes can be made.

You should not need 2 jobs if there are 2 adults working FT.

I would also look at what other things can be changed eg share of household responsibilities, batch cooking so you don’t need to cook every night, cleaning as you go etc.

It is a) your circs + b) your response that matters.

You need to speak to your GP and get some proper advice. You can't judge yourself against another person.

I'm wondering why you need permission @Stressypants5 - one dc like that broke me for a while. It is a lot to get through by itself. You're always going to get a mixed bag on an anonymous chat site in terms of responses.

Suggest hiding the thread and going to rest.

OP it's not whether you have more or less going on than other people, it's about how you are managing in the circumstances around you. That is the only thing you need to think or worry about. As an adult you are capable of saying 'I need a time out', and it sounds like the responsible thing to do in this situation.

The things you've detailed in your post are all individually absolutely capable of causing stress. Stack them up and you might topple.

Never ever compare yourself to others, we all have completely different thresholds for all kinds of things. Some people thrive on spinning plates. Many DON'T.

Go off sick, recharge your batteries, give yourself time to process everything going on, Health and Mental Health is far more important

Attitudes like this are why the UK suicide rate is so high, and why there's such a massive push needed to educate people on mental health issues.

This. Some of these responses are appalling and show what is wrong with (parts of) society regarding mental health. This is why people don’t want to admit to struggling, don’t want to ask for time off, don’t ask for help.

those poster smugly dismissing stress, you are part of the problem.

Op ignore the race to the bottom ghouls- they squat on threads like this like malevolent toads waiting for opportunities to make people feel shit.
I agree you should take a time out, but use that time to try and come up with a plan for the longer term. It doesn't sound like work itself is the thing stressing you ( ok your job sounds full on but I think it's all the other things causing you to buckle). I am wondering if taking the thing from the bottom of the pile ( your relationship with your husband) and trying to improve this might help with all the non work related things? If you have a willing caring partner to share the burdens with everything will feel easier. Also, it is tempting as women to feel responsible for everyones health and happiness, but with regard to you MIL and your mum you can't take on all that alone. Older people should have a plan themselves as to how care will be accessed and paid for, siblings and partners also need to do their bit. Don't worry too much about your DD . She's 3, a baby really, and any assessment is just exploratory, not a life sentence, so one step at a time. You are NOT a " matriarch" FFS you are one woman doing your best and that's ok.

Get an 8 week line and sort your home life. Leave off eBay in the meantime.

YANBU AT ALL to take some time off for stress. That said, if you're worried about reactions could you get your back pain sick note extended another couple of weeks or so? That way you don't feel like you have to justify 'stress' or explain 2 different absences back to back.

I'm not saying you should have/need to do either of those things btw, but it may be less stressful for you that way!

Im sorry, but I do not believe in taking time off work because you are feeling that you have too much to juggle. Old people get sick and need care. Children have additional needs. It happens to everyone. It's just how life goes. Now you're the matriarch. Step up and be strong for your family, like generations of your ancestors did to get you here today.

My DM 'stepped up'. She brought 3 of us up, worked full time, my DF was totally unsupportive, money was a constant struggle, my DGM had dementia. She was so stressed she smoked her way to throat cancer, a stroke in her 40s and spent the rest of her life ailing until she died at 70 of cancer. But she stepped up so I guess that's the main thing .

Thankfully we are in different times where sick leave, compassionate leave are possible for those who aren't self employed. For those who are self employed it must be so tough but I'd not resent anyone taking some time out to get their strength emotional and physical, up a bit to manage the shit life throws at us.

Get the doctors note. Most will ask you what you are happy to have written on it (back pain can go down better with employers than stress).

ive had two periods off work with stress I. The last 3 years. For the first it was the cumulative effect of Covid. I was off for three weeks and that gave me breathing room to recover. For the second, I was in the wrong job and the problems that caused meant I needed two weeks off to right the ship (and gave me time to start looking for a new job).

if you’re stressed, you’re stressed. A break can either mean you recover, or gives you the space to see where you need to make changes.