To phone in sick with stress? Is this stressful enough to warrant it?

[Stressypants5]

Nc as outing.

I've been off work this week with a bad back (genuinely so) I strained it nearly two weeks ago, worked through the first week but it was so sore and sitting down was aggravating it. Since I've been off though it's like it's just hit me how stressed I am.

Reasons:
Mil had a stroke seven weeks ago - home now but me and dh are helping with care (we want to) but it's time consuming when we have very little spare

My mum has had 4 episodes of atrial fibrillation in the last few months, I feel like that's a ticking time bomb.

Dd 3 started nursery in September and within a week had an application in for 1 to 1 support teacher also requested gp referral for assessment for sen, dd has no sense of danger and needs constant supervision outside, will run into a road without a second thought. Also have ds4 who is a handful in a typical 4yo way.

I work two jobs, first is stressful as everything is very closely monitored, can't slack off or get up go get a drink etc. Second job is my etay store which supplements the first job being part time for childcare reasons and that has died a death this month. Down 80% on an average month.

Dh is stressed too, our marriage is at a roommate stage which is also a huge concern but again bottom of pile

Is this alot? I've been awake since 3 contemplating what to do. I don't know if I'm just weak minded or if it is a lot to have on. My friendships have all but evaporated since having kids so I've got no one to vent to

Oh shhhhh!

Stress is an illness. Much better to take 2 weeks off now on a doctors note then end up having a breakdown and being off for months

I don't think anyone is suggesting that the OP should just suck this up. She's clearly struggling to deal with things and its completely understandable that life has just got on top of her. I have a great deal of sympathy.

But its the way you deal with these situations that frames the outcome. At the moment the OP is basically listing a lot of (genuinely) bad things in her life. She seems not at the moment to be able to try to address these systemically and tackle the root cause of these problems.

She may not be capable of doing this now and it would be totally understandable to have a sick day for this, but going off on stress related leave won't help over the long term, it just kicks the can down the road and adds more risk in that it puts her job in jeopardy.

I just think that alongside reacting to the "acute" element of the stress, she needs to start thinking about some longer term solutions to some of these problems (such as her marriage, for example). Where these aren't possible in the short term, she needs support (counselling or possibly antidepressants). Taking weeks of stress-related sick leave is not a sustainable solution.

Exactly, people saying 'what will change' are not taking into account the fact that you've been recently hit with 2 biggies and when you're pinging from one thing demanding your attention to the next with no slack you don't have time to absorb and adjust.
What is 'holy crap' today is tomorrow's new normal with all the necessaries on auto pilot.... You haven't got there yet and time off would allow you to do that.
Then when you have a clear road ahead (plans whatever they are) your mind isn't buzzing with all the myriad of decisions you need to be making/considering and trying to digest all the information that has recently come your way to do that.
That's what you're break is for.
Agree with pp it should be finite as you can't afford to lose your job so bed rest for your back is probably a better reason than stress from a work pov.
But vital and would make a material difference to how you are coping.
The situations don't go away, but you will have them sized up and responses ready to go, which is all the difference you need to cope and being overloaded you'll never get there and will be frazzled trying to without the necessary head space.

I would use the day to make a plan one by one how you are going to manage, and who you are going to delegate much of this to. Dh needs to be in charge of his own family - don't take this on.
Your family can be spread throughout siblings and other relatives so it is not all on you.

Work out with dh a plan how best to support your little dd, who really needs to at the centre of your attention.

Can you get outside help for cleaning, baby sitting etc and maybe plan to have a break sooner rather than later. You may need a proper holiday op and some time to decompress from all the worry. Or take some annual leave.

Your bad back is telling you - your back is literally damaged by the weight of responsibility - Chinese medicine.

Time to delegate like its going out of fashion and take on some well being days to centre yourself again, if you don't you can expect burn out. And that really is shit and will take much longer to fix.

Something has got to give. In the short term it sounds like that might have to be work for a week or two. But in the medium and longer term you need a proper plan because you’ve said you can’t afford not to work two jobs. Are you stressed about work, is there anything they can put in place to help you? Can you engage with occupational health about this? Is there an employee assistance programme you can draw on?

But if it’s not about work, it’s about the external factors, being signed off is a really short term fix. I’m not saying it’s not necessary, but you do need an exit strategy from it because you need your job.

Its really not.
She is off with a physical ailment and have been coping with things so far.

It is just life with elderly relatives and children.
I mean, why now are you suddenly stressed by it all, even though you’ve been off for two weeks and so had less to contend with generally?

It feels like an awful lot. But at the same time none of what you said is stress caused by your employer. And I am guessing you don’t need added stress due to putting your job under risk. Maybe ask for leave?

You need to learn some coping strategies OP.

In the grand scheme of things, your MIl is clearly unwell.

But the rest of it???

I'm not talking long term sick, just a week just to have some breathing space and try and put some things in place. I've called in sick now and will ring gp to ask for a fit note

Good choice op.
You sound like you have your head screwed on, an amazing mum, partner and daughter and dil, if anyone can pull through this you can.
Sound decision made for sound reasons.

Ring your gp op, even back pain can be a manifestation of severe stress. You might just need a week or two to reset and your gp might be able to give you some strategies to reduce stress - then you can give work a plan of action which they always like. Take care.

Sorry op, crossposted, look after yourself.

It's all relative Quincy.

Great OP that you have made a decision. It probably feels better already. Now stop making decisions and rest your mind. Strategies and plans will come later. A big sign you have stress is that you can’t do these things. Which is when you stop. Find a way to clear your mind.

Of course.

But barring her MIL illness, which is terrible, much of the rest of it is fairly standard stuff. Parents become unwell, children have challenges and marriages go through ups and downs.

Life has it challenges of course but these are not disproportionate tbh.

OP has said just a week off - very different to what I think many thought, which was longer term sick leave.

What an unpleasant post.
I think I'd talk to your GP and take a period out now as you're so overwhelmed to assess how you can cope going forwards and manage these pressures on you. I'd ask for a referral to Occupational Health too.

I hope things improve for you soon.

And many of my colleagues are GPS - they would not hand out a sick note for this.

I hope you get one.
On balance. I don’t know many GPs who would give one for this.

i always like the cup analogy for stress. Each issue diminishes some of the water so the more you have going on the lower it gets until it’s empty and it’s all too much. It’s why people cry about parking spaces or not being able to find their keys.

Take some time to replenish your cup and catch your breath. Once you’re feeling better think about how to refill your cup and keep it full - what can you let go of? What can you do that refills it by helping you de-stress? That will help you avoid the same situation in a month’s time.

Ignore the people asking what will change - in the middle of a crisis you don’t ask how you’re going to prevent it happening again, you deal with the crisis and then reflect on prevention. Stress is no different.

Sounds like you are trying to justify taking time off. Something happened 3 months ago so I need time off, my back went but I could go to work and did but now I want time off. I have small kids I need time off. Etc. I mean if you need a break why not just take holidays? Why do you need to take time off sick? The things you list are just life, we all have ageing parents my mum was in hospital with her heart last year it was very worrying, 2 of my children are 18 months apart yep it's hard work and yes I work ft and have little time to have a relationship with my husband. Book some holidays and take a week off, chill around the house. Everyone seems to take time off sick when really they just want a break from work, that's what holidays are for.

I see you've asked for a fit note - good.

I do a lot of work with occupational health and thankfully they tend to be more enlightened than some of the posters upthread, so I'd ask for a referral. Use as much support as you can.

You have a lot on.
I'd be stressed too.
Following your thread and offer my sympathy 💐
I think needing a little bit of time is ok.

@CinnamonJellyBeans

.. Said a true slave of the state- good on you!

Incidentally, our ancestors did not have the same struggles as people today do, so that’s abit of a null and void statement, but yes, the sentiment is there.
OP just remember, if you happen to get diabetes, you just need to pull your socks up and get on with it! No need to address the problem, you’ll be dead in a few decades anyway!

Stress causes a very real and physiological response that is hugely detrimental to a persons health.

Take a couple of weeks off OP, reset and get back to it when you’ve had time to settle down your mind a little.

You should take time off from your paid job if you're not physically capable being able to do your work or if the work you are doing has damaged your mental health.

I am sorry, but I do not believe in taking time off work because you are feeling that you have too much to juggle. Old people get sick and need care. Children have additional needs. It happens to everyone. It's just how life goes. Now you're the matriarch. Step up and be strong for your family, like generations of your ancestors did to get you here today.

Reframe the way you're thinking about it: Your family have needs, which the government is helping to take care of with services paid for by tax. This is a wonderful thing. Go to work, do a grand day's work and pay your tax. Save your sick days for when you are sick.

Good morning Jeremy!