…to think it’s scary how quick people are to far shame?

[NellesVilla]

Hope this woman sees this:

Was visiting a relative in Leatherhead, Surrey today and popped to the Co-op on the way home.

As I was ready to go (in my car) a woman with a large vehicle (4 x 4 maybe) almost drove into me (head on) to then reverse back into her space at some speed.

I gasped in shock and made eye contact briefly as I was like, shit, thought she was going to go into me. She threw her hands up in a ‘wtf?’ gesture, then pointed a finger at her head in a “you’re nuts” way, then stuck her finger up at me, shouting something.

I stupidly gave her the finger back as I was gobsmacked at her unpleasant attitude, then she pulled up alongside me, wound the window down and hurled abuse at me, with a kid in tow, who was laughing.

I said something like “Er, what are you on? What is your problem?”, she then got to the personal stuff like “your fat face; food shopping eh, you fat fucker”, again in front of her kid. I did unfortunately swear back at her- told her to f herself and yes, I’m fat but I can change that- she’s ugly inside and outside and can’t change that etc.

Just horrible. How do people behave like this, in public and with their kid in tow? I don’t have kids and would never do that in front of any children I might have had.

I did nothing wrong, and she exploded just like that. And to call another woman fat (she was hardly Kate Moss in size or looks 😊, and had poorly home dyed hair, I’d assume).

If you’re on here- Leatherhead Bitch- how dare you talk to someone like that, and in front of your kid?

And I know some people are absolute trash but to fat shame someone? Really? Do you really have to go there, you thick, shit-for-brains cow? How do people like that reproduce? My gosh!

Thanks for listening- I was muttering under my breath all the way home in shock, and needed to get it off my chest. My problem is that I stuck up for myself and others, but will stop as it always goes to blows like that and some cunt always has to mention my weight. It stops me wanting to go out tbh.

Anyway, breathe…!

Not quite understanding where the OP's car was...in its parking space, or somewhere on its way out of the car park.
But as eye contact was possible, it sounds like OP had to have been stationary but not in parking place. (As Kelly McGillis would say "lieutenant, what were you doing there?")
Then other driver (head on) comes at her, only to reverse into own parking space.
Why? Because OP was blocking route out?
OP does panicked face
Other driver does does "wtf" face, makes "you're mad" gesture and gives OP the finger.
OP gives the finger back.
Then other car pulls alongside the OP (how? where?) and the verbal abuse starts. OP says other driver moved on to the "fat" comments. What was the original abuse? Something perhaps about blocking people in in carparks?
OP retaliates by swearing back and telling other driver she's ugly. (And given the language used on here about the other driver, probably a lot more)

No, she shouldn't have called the OP fat.
As many others have said, it was nothing to do with the OP being fat and everything to do with the OP not using the carpark correctly. Because for the other driver to come "heads on" then "reverse into own space" then "pull alongside" OP has to have been in the middle of the road. Or the carpark was empty apart from our two lady gentlewomen playing dodgems.

People may be quick to fat shame. This wasn't one of those occasions.

Unless the OP has missed a chunk out. Which tbf, is probably the case.

You’re insulting random aspects of her appearance because it quickly and easily disempowers her in your mind. And you think her calling you fat is over the line, because ‘fat’ is the worst thing a woman can have said about her looks. But the thing is, that woman has internalised all the same messaging as you clearly have - insulting a woman’s appearance is the best way to put her down, and fat is the worst thing you can say about a woman’s appearance. So of course she’s going to call you fat, she’s reacting on exactly the same reflex that you are! It’s not a good thing but it should be entirely understandable to you - the same thing that made you comment on her hair was what made her call you fat. And those insidious horrible messages have been put in both your heads since you were wee girls, so I would cut yourself and her some slack and work on changing your own thought patterns.

OP you can always rely on Mumsnet, for the beautifully toxic place that it is. As if most of the posters on here would have smiled and walked off had they have been given a mouthful of abuse. But when it comes to trying to belittle someone on Mumsnet they'll say whatever suits 🤣

You were both as bad as each other.
’Fat shaming’ is a ridiculous phrase. An insult is an insult, no need to build it up into a bigger issue.

People who behave like this really don't like being challenged on it, sounds like she tried to shut you down with aggression when you reacted in a perfectly understandable way to her driving, she didn't like being 'challenged' on that bit (you know by you looking up at her when she nearly drove into your car - how utterly unreasonable of you 🙄) and then when that didn't work because you retaliated, she resorted to insults (and hardly an original one really is it?!) To deflect from the fact that she caused the issue in the first place with her behaviour.
I agree with PP that you're hung up on the fat thing, you need to let that go because it really would have been anything she could use at that point.
But well done for not just taking her shitty behaviour, when people are not challenged on this they get the impression it's perfectly reasonable to behave like that and so carry on, we need more calling out of this type of thing, not less, and less berating of those who stand up for themselves against this type of person imo!

But she never actually did anything to you/your car before you started giving her faces and then it all escalated. You might not like her driving but nothing bad actually happened to kick all this off.

Love this. Hoping I can remember it when I need it.

Not all cars, not even close. There's heaps of older cars still on the road and even with those thu still lots of accidents.

You seriously believe that? I don't know a single overweight person who isn't well aware of the fact they're overweight and how that isn't healthy. Even a friend who put on a lot of weight recently, because of life saving medication she must take, is beating herself up about it, thinking she's failed. I don't know a single overweight person who needs to be more aware of the issues. What you're describing doesn't help people change, it just makes them feel even worse about themselves.