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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

…to think it’s scary how quick people are to far shame?

109 replies

NellesVilla · 17/11/2022 16:12

Hope this woman sees this:

Was visiting a relative in Leatherhead, Surrey today and popped to the Co-op on the way home.

As I was ready to go (in my car) a woman with a large vehicle (4 x 4 maybe) almost drove into me (head on) to then reverse back into her space at some speed.

I gasped in shock and made eye contact briefly as I was like, shit, thought she was going to go into me. She threw her hands up in a ‘wtf?’ gesture, then pointed a finger at her head in a “you’re nuts” way, then stuck her finger up at me, shouting something.

I stupidly gave her the finger back as I was gobsmacked at her unpleasant attitude, then she pulled up alongside me, wound the window down and hurled abuse at me, with a kid in tow, who was laughing.

I said something like “Er, what are you on? What is your problem?”, she then got to the personal stuff like “your fat face; food shopping eh, you fat fucker”, again in front of her kid. I did unfortunately swear back at her- told her to f herself and yes, I’m fat but I can change that- she’s ugly inside and outside and can’t change that etc.

Just horrible. How do people behave like this, in public and with their kid in tow? I don’t have kids and would never do that in front of any children I might have had.

I did nothing wrong, and she exploded just like that. And to call another woman fat (she was hardly Kate Moss in size or looks 😊, and had poorly home dyed hair, I’d assume).

If you’re on here- Leatherhead Bitch- how dare you talk to someone like that, and in front of your kid?

And I know some people are absolute trash but to fat shame someone? Really? Do you really have to go there, you thick, shit-for-brains cow? How do people like that reproduce? My gosh!

Thanks for listening- I was muttering under my breath all the way home in shock, and needed to get it off my chest. My problem is that I stuck up for myself and others, but will stop as it always goes to blows like that and some cunt always has to mention my weight. It stops me wanting to go out tbh.

Anyway, breathe…!

OP posts:
SmallPrawnEnergy · 17/11/2022 17:06

But, really, it’s ok to fat shame someone who’s not really done wrong- who won’t stand for your shit? Really?

If it wasn’t your weight it would have been another physical attribute. As your OP proves, it’s easy to pick out peoples lesser attributes as you were nasty about this woman’s hair, intelligence and her looks without even taking a breath.

I will just have to learn to ignore nasty people I suppose, but I will certainly not stop sticking up for myself.
Being nasty back to someone isn’t “sticking up for yourself” you’re just as bad tbh.

Rippled · 17/11/2022 17:07

NellesVilla · 17/11/2022 17:04

@Rippled , yes, she did seem the type of person who would shout obscenities and personal insults at people then happily go on her day. That’s pretty disgusting isn’t it? And to fat-shame. In front of her kid?To me, that’s vile.

Even when I was thin I wouldn’t have thought things like that, let alone used fat-shaming to upset someone.

You're also getting a bit hung up on the nature of the insults. What she said was meant to upset you, so it worked. If she'd stuck to insults you'd find "acceptable" they wouldn't have worked as well, would they?

Itwasntevenblackpudding · 17/11/2022 17:07

I think it's scary that some people use 100s of words to describe a minor altercation.

Just horrible. How do people behave like this, in public and with their kid in tow? I don’t have kids and would never do that in front of any children I might have had. But it was OK for you to behave as you did in front of her child?

Yes, she was rude, but you start to lose any sympathy when you write stuff like:

...it is just one of those things and that I should’ve just ignore the skank with shit box dyed red greasy tresses.

Scurryfunge12 · 17/11/2022 17:09

Oh give over! PP’s trying to imply they wouldn’t immediately insult someone who had just insulted them when it was unwarranted. The vast majority of people would react exactly as you did OP, they’re kidding themselves to think otherwise, it’s human nature.

Xmassprout · 17/11/2022 17:09

Why is calling someone fat particularly worse than other insults?

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 17/11/2022 17:10

I'm going to run and hide after saying this but...
You do realise that you were in Leatherhead...everyone is beneath them.

Lockheart · 17/11/2022 17:11

So you both acted like total fishwives in Tesco's car park.

Neither of you sound like people I'd invite to a dinner party to be honest.

Shit happens, chalk it up to experience and move on.

SpeckofDustUponMySoul · 17/11/2022 17:11

Stay classy...

SunlightThroughTrees · 17/11/2022 17:12

Aww come on, the other woman started it. OP was going about her business and the other woman was incredibly unpleasant to her and yes, OP bit back. I don’t think that in any way makes her as bad as the other woman.

pictish · 17/11/2022 17:16

Lockheart · 17/11/2022 17:11

So you both acted like total fishwives in Tesco's car park.

Neither of you sound like people I'd invite to a dinner party to be honest.

Shit happens, chalk it up to experience and move on.

I’m sure the OP will feel thoroughly chastened upon hearing that she would not be invited to one of your dinner parties. 😆
Heh.

MrsOgmorePritchard · 17/11/2022 17:17

NellesVilla · 17/11/2022 17:01

I agree @Whitney168 - not in a naice place like that part of Surrey! I once lived in Birkenhead and even in the part I was in, it’d be frowned upon (no offense to any Scousers- I love Liverpool and surrounding area!).

Well why mention it then?

And it's the Wirral not Liverpool.

That woman just sounds like a dick anyway and would pick anything not just weight.

NellesVilla · 17/11/2022 17:19

Thanks @SunlightThroughTrees , I’d never have said anything to start it. I reacted- badly- but nothing compared to the delights she dished out to me.

Maybe I should have just smiled when she’d insulted me with hand gestures and personal insults, and just gone on my merry way. I don’t think others would have done that tbh.

I realise it’s not kind to mock her awful hair but any person who’s just spewed out all that nonsense has to expect a retort of some sort from her victim. I’d never even have noticed her hair were it not for her tomato-red face shrieking at me!

OP posts:
Mariposista · 17/11/2022 17:19

Of course it is wrong to allude to someone's size as an insult but your language is disgusting. How old are you - 13?

Bronnau · 17/11/2022 17:19

She can grow out her box dye, OP, but you can never reverse the fact that you behaved badly...

She should not have insulted you, that was horrible, but you chose to react in exactly the same way. You should try turning the other cheek.

TrentCrimm · 17/11/2022 17:21

She might have been running late for her hairdressers appointment.

RealDeeBliss · 17/11/2022 17:21

People like this love confrontation and you fell for it. Best just to let them crack on and not rise to them.

decafsoyaflatwhite · 17/11/2022 17:22

SunlightThroughTrees · 17/11/2022 17:12

Aww come on, the other woman started it. OP was going about her business and the other woman was incredibly unpleasant to her and yes, OP bit back. I don’t think that in any way makes her as bad as the other woman.

Was just thinking this. I’m not saying the OP behaved angelically (obviously the ‘right’ thing to do would be to ignore her and drive off) but the other woman very much ‘started it’ by driving dangerously and then getting aggressive and throwing insults around.

The OP’s posts about her hair do prove that she still thinks nasty thoughts about other people’s appearance though, just like this woman did, even if she generally doesn’t say them out loud…

Blueeyedgirl21 · 17/11/2022 17:22

You’re no better !

Gwdihooooo · 17/11/2022 17:23

SmallPrawnEnergy · 17/11/2022 17:06

But, really, it’s ok to fat shame someone who’s not really done wrong- who won’t stand for your shit? Really?

If it wasn’t your weight it would have been another physical attribute. As your OP proves, it’s easy to pick out peoples lesser attributes as you were nasty about this woman’s hair, intelligence and her looks without even taking a breath.

I will just have to learn to ignore nasty people I suppose, but I will certainly not stop sticking up for myself.
Being nasty back to someone isn’t “sticking up for yourself” you’re just as bad tbh.

This

pictish · 17/11/2022 17:23

Bronnau · 17/11/2022 17:19

She can grow out her box dye, OP, but you can never reverse the fact that you behaved badly...

She should not have insulted you, that was horrible, but you chose to react in exactly the same way. You should try turning the other cheek.

Why? Why should she turn the other cheek?

…to think it’s scary how quick people are to far shame?
Mercurial123 · 17/11/2022 17:24

You both sound awful. I pity the child.

Sparklingbrook · 17/11/2022 17:24

‘Six of one and half a dozen of the other’ as my Mum would say.

Gwdihooooo · 17/11/2022 17:25

Scurryfunge12 · 17/11/2022 17:09

Oh give over! PP’s trying to imply they wouldn’t immediately insult someone who had just insulted them when it was unwarranted. The vast majority of people would react exactly as you did OP, they’re kidding themselves to think otherwise, it’s human nature.

I would never let it get to that situation. I’di was op I wouldn’t have even made eye contact about her driving… it wouldn’t have changed how she drives in the future.

I’d have driven off and not given it any more thought

jtaeapa · 17/11/2022 17:25

The mistake was to engage with her in any way. It was obvious she was a skank when she made gestures indicating that you were nuts and stuck her finger up at you.

Dailymash · 17/11/2022 17:25

I am by no means defending this awful woman but you’ve also shamed her for her looks. She could have been a size 6 and you’d have called her a skinny , she could have had bad teeth and you have called her a goofy . It’s not necessarily fat shaming but it’s picking fault with the most obvious thing. Which isn’t necessarily a fault in itself - being slim or having unique teeth isn’t a bad thing, nor is being heavier than average.

To sum up, don’t take it to heart but also take notice of how you reacted yourself, what your internal thoughts were, and move on. At least you didn’t say or do anything negative in front of her poor child.