…to think it’s scary how quick people are to far shame?

[NellesVilla]

Hope this woman sees this:

Was visiting a relative in Leatherhead, Surrey today and popped to the Co-op on the way home.

As I was ready to go (in my car) a woman with a large vehicle (4 x 4 maybe) almost drove into me (head on) to then reverse back into her space at some speed.

I gasped in shock and made eye contact briefly as I was like, shit, thought she was going to go into me. She threw her hands up in a ‘wtf?’ gesture, then pointed a finger at her head in a “you’re nuts” way, then stuck her finger up at me, shouting something.

I stupidly gave her the finger back as I was gobsmacked at her unpleasant attitude, then she pulled up alongside me, wound the window down and hurled abuse at me, with a kid in tow, who was laughing.

I said something like “Er, what are you on? What is your problem?”, she then got to the personal stuff like “your fat face; food shopping eh, you fat fucker”, again in front of her kid. I did unfortunately swear back at her- told her to f herself and yes, I’m fat but I can change that- she’s ugly inside and outside and can’t change that etc.

Just horrible. How do people behave like this, in public and with their kid in tow? I don’t have kids and would never do that in front of any children I might have had.

I did nothing wrong, and she exploded just like that. And to call another woman fat (she was hardly Kate Moss in size or looks 😊, and had poorly home dyed hair, I’d assume).

If you’re on here- Leatherhead Bitch- how dare you talk to someone like that, and in front of your kid?

And I know some people are absolute trash but to fat shame someone? Really? Do you really have to go there, you thick, shit-for-brains cow? How do people like that reproduce? My gosh!

Thanks for listening- I was muttering under my breath all the way home in shock, and needed to get it off my chest. My problem is that I stuck up for myself and others, but will stop as it always goes to blows like that and some cunt always has to mention my weight. It stops me wanting to go out tbh.

Anyway, breathe…!

Look, although she insulted your weight, she was just going for whatever came to her head. She didn't single you out to fat-shame, she insulted you to upset you. If you'd had glasses she would have called you four eyes. She's a massively unpleasant person and you didn't exactly cover yourself in glory. I had a similar thing happen to me but I didn't swear at her in front of her child. The biggest issue you have here is your own self-loathing about your weight. Deal with that and you can deal with insults better.

Posters harping on about the op saying she wouldn't do this in front of a child and insinuating she is a hypocrite are ignoring the fact that the op is talking about starting on someone and resorting to fat shaming which she finds shocking that the woman did this in front of her own child and it doesn't make her a hypocrite for retaliating because why should she consider the fat shamers child when the fat shamer isnt and why should she take the abuse anyway ?

Surely it is better that the child saw someone standing up for themselves rather than potentially thinking that altercations with other people are best resolved by shaming them with personal insults. The child was already finding it amusing thus showing they were not upset by this conflict and really don't need to get the idea that you can hurl personal insults at people and get no comeback at all from it!!!!!

Sounds like you started it all tbh. Cars have sensors and cameras now, I’m sure she was not going to hit you.

Both as bad as each other, what an embarrassment. And you don’t get the upper hand because she said fat if you were swearing.

@Asthenia , you sound like a lovely person and I will try to use your reply- it’s v sweet and charming!

Actually it's not obvious and you are extrapolating and making links where there may be none. You're one to talk about anger management and control issues when you dramatically interpret things for eg when you said 'eho in their bloody right minds blah blah'. Then of course you state they are prepping to get into fisticuffs at Tesco because they reacted to being insulted which is just another wild exaggeration. I must admit though I do enjoy reading your posts and think you've got a real career in creative writing if you would be interested in being an author x 😜

It’s not easy for anyone being randomly attacked by a stranger to just sit there and take it. She sounds vile and I can just imagine her gob and aggressive tone and how it will have triggered you. You didn’t do anything wrong to warrant it, how you reacted is valid. Shouting back at her in front of her kid after she has just verbally abused you is not the same as shouting and swearing at a random stranger for no reason in front of your own child.

there’s lots of holier than thous on here.

Actually no, @mam0918 , I have not left anything out. I probably do have a resting bitch face tbf- have heard this before- and this might’ve triggered her into the tirade, but as I said, I saw her getting v close to my car at speed, I reacted with what I thought was horror on my face (like a “nooo omfg!”, then she gesticulated rudely and it went from there.

Not going to lie; it shook me up initially for a bit, and as a v anxious person things can stay with me but I am happier now and have moved on. So glad I poured my heart out on MN; even with the shitty “you’re just as bad OP, for daring to stand up to a bully”, it’s great free therapy.

Watching something called Pam & Tommy now on Disney +, and if it depicts people accurately then I can see that it’s normal to encounter dickheads in broad daylight!!

I don't think the op is as bad as the aggressive woman. Why is it ok for people to launch into an abusive tirade unchallenged. Adrenalin kicks in and we don't always cover ourselves in glory in these moments. I hope you're ok op.

You sound as bad as each other, arguing the toss like a pair of fishwives!

That is not really fat shaming. You got in to a bad barney and were offensive to each other, with gestures and then it really got going for another round when the window was rolled down. She knew NOTHING about you except what she saw. YOu had pissed her off giving her the finger and I guess she wasn't motivated to protect your feelings, she wanted to hurt you. That was her goal. So I don't think that that is indicative of a fat shaming culture. If you'd had glasses it could have been spekky four eyes. SHe needed an insult and quick.
So don't get too upset about it. I'd be striving not to lose it in a car park again, make it a goal not to give any more strangers the bird. When somebody makes you angry, do that old trick where you tell yourself, hmm I'm conscious that I'm experiencing feelings of anger but I'm distancing myself from these feelings, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6

I don't think you did anything wrong!

Nobody should be shouting abuse at anyone for any reason.

But to be quite honest there’s too much body positivity bullshit about and I think if people were more aware of their weight and it was commonplace to comment upon it we would have a much healthier and fitter society as people would be more inclined to sort it out.

What we currently have is a society too afraid to ever say anything and tiptoeing around with all this unhealthy and untrue body positivity/look fabulous in any size crap.

Op you’re not just as bad …. Not many people would have been able to ignore being fat shamed.

However, you’ll never win with someone like that and you’ll feel better about yourself if you try not to react. It’s difficult when you’re going about your day and most people are being pleasant and then one of these people pops up from nowhere and tries to ruin your day. But it will happen every now and again and iI’m not sure that it will ever stop causing frustration so you need to try to see it as a lesson in how to remain calm. It must be a miserable way for them to live because they go through life having unpleasant encounters with everyone, not realising that they’re the ones causing the problem. Perhaps it’s just such a lack of self-awareness that they assume everyone else is hostile.

Honestly, it sounds upsetting, up to a point, and then it sounds like something that would belong more comfortably on facebook. What you want is for everyone to agree and say yes, she was horrid, and she was, but you participated and you created a thread about it. Surely thi is what fb is for?

Agreed!

Op, neither of you were fabulous but it’s in the past. Forget about it.

I’m pleased that others haven’t gone “there, there, what a mean lady”

yeah, but no you’re not.

Next time OP, remember the old saying about wrestling pigs. Then instead of arguing back, give a huge cheery smile and blow a kiss as you drive off.

Far more effective response to someone's shit behaviour.

She started it you finished it. Good for you. Women are always expected to turn the other cheek and put up with other people's bullshit. Fuck that. Halos do not abound, despite the prim MN judgement.

Mind you I'd not have said what you did I'd have just shamed her for her foul loose mouth in front of a child. I wouldnt have just said nothing at all, so Im not judging you.

“your fat face; food shopping eh, you fat fucker”

& you were supposed to ignore this...?🙄

Maybe you shouldn't have said in your post that you're fat, you'd have got more sympathy no doubt

Well let’s face it OP, neither of you had your finest hour did you.

But I agree with the principle that fat is a lazy and quick insult - usually hurled by men who expect women to be heartbroken that some balding minger with a builders bum a overgrown nostril hair doesn’t fancy them.

If you were ready to go, why didn't you just go?
Why did you wind your window down to hear what she was shouting?
Why did you give her the finger before she had even said anything to you?

Sounds like you were spoiling for a fight way before the fat shaming.

You're just as gross as she is.
Swearing and screaming in a supermarket carpark is so awful.
But in front of children too, you should be ashamed, regardless if the child was laughing, the child doesn't know any better. I hope the other lady feels bad and ashamed too.
A woman called my husband a d head in front of our 5 children in a car park, he told her to stop embarrassing herself, as old as she was using language like that in front of children, and we drove off. We didn't start cursing back or doing the vulgar hand signals she was doing. As responsible adults we drove off. And they were the ones who almost drove into us.

Get a grip, OP.

Oh god, women sticking the fingers up at each other and cussing. I'd of just looked at her nonchalantly and said nothing. It makes them feel stupid when they don't get a reaction. There's always going to be arseholes out on the road

I will say this though, your complaining of fat shaming but you come across quite judgemental yourself.

The whole 'fat shaming' thing is irrelevant. If you weren't overweight she'd have picked on something else. You're trying to make this about something it's not. She was an unpleasant person and you gave as good as you got, own it and move on; I'm sure she has.